Me and Wee

Noah's Nautical Nest

2012-01-22T15:54:00.011-05:00

Hi friends!
We finally finished up with Noah's nursery! Without further ado, here it is!

My goal in the room design was to have the space feel bright, cheerful, happy, warm, boyish and welcoming. I decided to go with a nautical theme this time; whereas the original nursery didn't have a set theme. I wrestled with the idea for a while because I didn't want the space to feel unoriginal or boring. So, I decided on the green and orange color palette to go with the Robin's Egg blue walls (that we kept from sister Paige's original room). I also decided to go with a more preppy look for the space; again trying to avoid obvious solutions. My original idea was to do lime green and navy blue together, but the navy just seemed so dark and moody. Thus, the orange came into play.

The first item I decided on was the roman shades. I chose a sort of preppy yachting stripe but in a lime green. I ordered the fabric and had them made. The rest of the room design evolved around those shades; since they are a focal point. I then chose the rust-orange striped rug to contrast the shades. I knew the patterns were very strong so I decided to go with solid colors for the crib, changing pad, and glider.

Lastly, we chose the accessories that went on the walls to give it the nautical and preppy touches. Chris caught the Dolphin fish hanging over the crib in Bermuda 24 years ago. It's been hanging in his parents' house in his original bedroom so we reclaimed it and put it here. Don't worry, it's secured very tightly and expertly! We then found buoys, a life preserver, a ship steering wheel and a cool seagull hand-screenprinted poster by Wayne Pate. The green whale decal completes the look. I tried to keep the accessories to the orange and green theme where possible. To add interest between the windows, I found some white wooden letters for Noah's initials at the craft store. I spray painted them with a glossy pumpkin orange color. I suppose they add a preppy factor to the space? I'm not very preppy so it's hard to say!

I needed a nightlight of some sort and I remembered my parents had a light-up globe for us kids while growing up. Luckily, they still had it stored away! It was just what I needed to fill the space in the corner under the whale to add some interest. At night, it adds a low peaceful glow. Perfect for feedings and diaper changes without being too bright!

I thought there was a lot of white going on in the space. I wanted to add a more nautical dark wood color here and there…evoking an old fashioned ship. The steering wheel was a start. So I added a dark basket hamper and found a matching magazine holder to use a trash can. The lamp and dark wooden base once belonged to Chris' beloved grandmother. I added a new shade and lined it with some green ribbon decorative tape (for interest).

The rocker/glider decision was tough. I wanted lime green. But most places didn't have one that was affordable to us. But I didn't want a neutral color like most chairs come in. So, we went with orange in an affordable style. I was disappointed to find, when the chair finally arrived, that the white piping it was supposed to have was also orange. Oh well. I didn't want to send it back and wait another 2 months for it to be fixed so we're living with a solid orange chair. No biggie, I suppose. Sigh. The white piping would have added that preppy edge I wanted. Hmph. I added a lime green pillow to break up all that orange. It's a comfy spot for feeding, reading and snuggling and that's what I care about most after all.

So, that's the grand tour! I hope you like it! I love being in there. That middle-of-the-night feeding isn't so bad when I have such a cheerful and cozy space to look at.

Here's a photo of Paige's nursery before everything moved to HER new room so you can compare the 2 different rooms:

Sources are below:
Wall color: #618 Benjamin Moore "Robin's Nest" (we painted in 2008, so I don't know if it's part of their program now?)
Crib: Oeuf (we got it as a gift from my in-laws when our first little one was born)
Dresser: IKEA Malm Dresser (we covered the drawers in a natural seagrass wallpaper I scoured online for. Can't remember the source for the wallpaper now though! sorry)
Bookcase unit: IKEA Expedit
Glider: Buy Buy Baby
Roman Shades: Windows by Melissa, custom creation (she was great to work with!)
Striped Rug: Rosenberry Rooms
Changing Pad cover: Buy Buy Baby
Crib Bedding: Carousel Designs (they make custom crib bedding and you can choose any combinations of things! Love the website and the swatch came within 2 days!)
Toys in Crib: Both the Fox (the large version) and the Monkey rattle came from Bla Bla.
Willow Hamper and Magazine Holder: Pier One
Light up Globe: Storage at my parents' house. It's from my childhood, so all kinds of countries are on there that don't exist anymore. U.S.S.R?
Whale Decal: Little Lion Studio
Life Preserver: Nautical Decor Store
Ship Steering Wheel: Nautical Decor Store
Dolphin Fish: Chris caught this Dolphin fish in Bermuda 24 years ago now
Seagull Screenprinted Poster: by Wayne Pate
Buoys hanging in corner: Nautical Decor Store
Wooden Initials on Wall: Michael's Crafts
Lamp: Family heirloom, shade is from the craft store and the ribbon tape is by the Martha Stewart line at Michael's crafts
Toys on Bookcase: Blue knitted bird rattle: Bla Bla, Little green car and little red fox pull toy: Grasshopper store

Noah's Birth

2012-01-21T15:32:00.002-05:00

"This kid is definitely coming tonight. Mark my words. If he doesn't come tonight I will be shocked." I said those words to Chris as I was draped diagonally across our bed at 7:30 pm on Friday, January 13th. I just couldn't be bothered to move anymore. I was in a lot of pain and discomfort. I felt sick. I actually fell asleep right there, having a painful contraction for good measure.
I startled awake at 11:15 pm with a horribly painful contraction that was long and painful enough to make me need to sit up and get out of bed. I limped to the bathroom to get some water and just shake it off. A few minutes later, another contraction hit long and hard. And repeat. And repeat. I finally woke Chris up and said "Honey, it may be nothing yet but I'm having painful contractions every 5 minutes and I need your help timing them…I'm in too much pain now to focus."
Not long after that we were bustling around packing our bags for the hospital. Having been through it before, I knew I really only needed my toothbrush, contact lens case and glasses. I grabbed at some comfy clothes to come home in and some outfits for the baby for good measure and we called our awesome neighbor. She had volunteered to come in the night to be here for Paige in case I went into labor. Arriving just after 12:15 we gave her some basic instructions on things and off we went! (We'd called the doctor in the meantime who recommended we go ahead to labor and delivery to be checked out).
I knew it wasn't a false alarm. I was in too much pain. I could barely pack that bag with those few items! We enjoyed clear highways all the way to the hospital, although every bump in the road was like torture on my body. I remember leaving the car, waddling through the doors and thinking that I was leaving a former life behind me and leaping out into an entire new realm that would include another whole member to our family. Forever editing our family tree. My fears melted away as excitement and purpose took its place.
We came in and settled into our spacious birthing room. After a million questions and some settling in, the nurse checked to see how far along I was. I was only 75% effaced and one centimeter dilated. Ugh. But, the contractions were regular enough to keep me there until my doctor arrived in the morning. We'd have to stay the night. She offered me a narcotic to get me through the pain but to also help me sleep and maintain my energy. I agreed; as I was in so much pain but knew I was a long way off before having a baby. I still hadn't really slept much since I'd only just gone to bed! It sucked. I would fall asleep for 10 minute increments and startle myself awake in paranoia. I couldn't relax! The drug (can't remember the name of it) made me so nauseous and confused. My vision was blurred and I felt so panicked. And I still felt the pain; although I must admit the edge was taken off. I spent most of the night in that state and I felt miserable in the morning.
I was so excited to see the doctor but was bummed when the nurse came and said she was going to see all her postpartum patients first before checking in on me. She'd wanted me to have plenty of time to progress before she decided whether I would go home or not. I was sweating, crying, and groaning in pain and just wanted to be checked for progress! After a lot of screaming and yelling through contractions on my part the nurse was begging me to take another narcotic. I adamantly refused and begged her to stop asking me to take it. She was convinced I had a long way to go and needed my rest. I was convinced that I would spend another 7 hours wanting to barf and jump out a window at the same time. No dice.
Another scream of pain on my part and the nurse decided we'd waited long enough and she checked me. Only 1 centimeter dilated but more thinned out. I could NOT believe it. No real progress? After screaming painful contractions for hours? I felt horrified. I didn't think I could go much longer without going crazy. She told me to try and relax until the doctor could come. (hee hee, good one!). When she finally arrived I was praying so hard that I'd progressed. Sure enough, I was 3 centimeters along. WOOOOO! She said I was officially in active labor and would be staying. She said "You can have your epidural soon! But the head is still really high and I don't want to break your water yet because of it. Also, you'll need to have 2 bags of IV fluids and a bag of penicillin BEFORE you can have the epidural." WHAAAAAT? Yep. The nurse had just recently told me that I'd tested positive for Group B Strep and the baby needed to have IV antibiotics while being birthed. I love how they were just telling me that news. Why hadn't I known sooner? *eyeroll* Furthermore, I was freaked out about how long it would take to absorb all that stuff before I could get my pain relief. Let's just say there was a LOT of crying, breathing, squeezing, grunting, and eventual screaming for God to help me before all those fluids were absorbed!
Once I had my precious epidural (hello, old friend!) I was able to settle down and relax. The started me on some pitocin to help get the contractions more strong and regular. All I needed to do was wait and and be calm. I switched laying on my left side to my right in efforts to help the baby move his head down which seemed to do the trick because my water broke and it wasn't long before I could feel pressure down in my nether regions. I'd recently been checked and was found to be 6 centimeters dilated so it seemed to be moving fast! I could feel the head in there and let the nurse know. She fetched the doctor and sure enough, I was 10 centimeters along and ready to push! It was now 1:30 in the afternoon on Saturday, January 14th. I had only just gotten my epidural at about 11:30 am or so. Nice!
Everyone got ready and I watched all the excitement in a good mood and pain free. I felt the big urge to push by 1:45 and only had to go through 3 sets of contractions before I felt baby Noah's body slip right on out of me at 1:59 pm. My body felt instant relief and a rush of elation. I looked down and saw the doctor cleaning out his mouth and nose. Chris cut the really thick and sturdy umbilical chord. I cried. The nurses then whisked Noah over to the warmer area to do the Apgar tests and other things. I noticed his little chest was heaving so fast. They noted he was having difficulty breathing and it was common for boys born at 37 weeks. I felt so worried and my throat clutched. I wanted to see him. I wanted to hold him. Instead, I was watching his little chest rise and fall so fast. I could hear is little voice grunting and squeaking for air. They decided, after some tests, that he was getting enough oxygen and said I could hold him for just a minute or two. They put him in bare skin on my chest to help him warm up quickly. He snuggled right against me and seemed to calm a bit as I spoke. His eyes rolled all around to look toward me! Tears streamed down my face in disbelief that he was finally here! All too fast, they took him away for the next two hours for testing, stabilizing and all that jazz over at the nursery. The nurses all assured me that this was normal and he was going to be just fine; so I began to feel a bit better. My mood also improved when I was allowed to order my meal! I hadn't eaten since dinner on Friday evening so I was more than ready! (lol) Noah eventually came back to the room; still unbathed but was ready for his first meal. He took to the bottle right away and sucked contentedly with these little squeaky gulping sounds. I felt so much love flood through my veins right then. I thought I might explode. I began to cry again; a joyful cry of course. He was real. He IS real. He is here. And he is so very loved. He always will be, forever more.

Here's some fun photos; he's now a week old already! sigh.

Welcome

2012-01-18T10:28:00.004-05:00

The Me and Wee family is proud to announce our newest addition:
Noah James Carty
Born on Saturday January 14, 2012 at 1:59pm
3 weeks early!
7 pounds, 12 ounces.....20.5 inches long

We are home now and resting...acclimating and healing. We are in love with our little fella!! He's quite dreamy, sweet and lovely. I know I'm in the first week honeymoon stage so I'm enjoying the peace while I can! :)
I'll be back soon with his birth story!

Chris even caught the tear in my eye! Way to go honey! lol

Yummy! He scarfed his meal right in.

Happy Daddy!

Noah and his parents. He's happy to be with us before he thinks we're lame.

Mama's Boy

Paige is beyond elated about her brother. All she talks about is Baby Noah.

She's so proud.

Nana and Grampa Cassidy watched Paige for us while we were away and enjoyed their first visit!

Getting another peek before my sleeping pill kicked in.

Morning snuggle

Ready to brave the New England winter. Warm enough?

Look how cute!

Paige adores him already.

Maren is concerned and protective and sweet to him.

See you here soon!!!! Thanks so much for sharing this journey with us! I'm excited to share how we move forward.

37 Weeks and a Letter

2012-01-12T13:37:00.002-05:00

Dear Little N.,
I was driving home in the dark from dinner with a newly pregnant friend last night and thought about you the whole way. My head swirled with many thoughts, but mostly about the fact that you are indeed a tiny little person inside my tummy who I am going to meet in about 2 weeks thanks to a pending induction. I wondered what you will look like, what you will feel like, and what your personality will be like. Everything began to feel so real and so profound. I've been scared to let myself get excited. You are almost here though and I'm allowing that excitement to seep in.
As I was driving, on the radio, the song "Lightning Crashes" by Live came on. It always seems to come on when I'm going through some sort big thing in my head. Like a sign from the angels reminding me of the miracles of life and the "bigness" of it all. That song never fails to move me to tears. I think about endings and beginnings and all the moments in between. Sometimes I worry about life ending too soon with all my intentions along with it. There's nothing more sad to me. I also think about new beginnings; like your impending birth, and all the possibilities your (and our) future holds.
Here are the lyrics for you to read; they discuss how while one old mother dies in one part of the hospital (her children are grown and she's lived a full life, albeit one with things left undone or unsaid); there is a birth for a young new mother in another part of that same hospital. Everything she has waited for is just beginning. The cycle of life is ever present and bigger than all of us.

lightning crashes, a new mother cries
her placenta falls to the floor
the angel opens her eyes
the confusion sets in
before the doctor can even close the door

lightning crashes, an old mother dies
her intentions fall to the floor
the angel closes her eyes
the confusion that was hers
belongs now to the baby down the hall

oh now feel it comin' back again
like a rollin' thunder chasing the wind
forces pullin' from the center of the earth again
I can feel it.

lightning crashes, a new mother cries
this moment she's been waiting for
the angel opens her eyes
pale blue colored eyes,
contains the circle
and puts the glory out to hide, hide

I've carried you in my belly all this time; keeping you safe and warm and fed. I've been endlessly aware of how your arrival is going to permanently change the lives of your sister, Daddy, and Mommy in such a profound and exciting way. Sure, I've been nervous and scared. But not about YOU. Just about what it means for me to give you and your sister my ALL. Will I be enough? I hope so. I don't want to let you down, ever. I'm so excited to peer down at your little face and get to know you. To look in your pale blue colored eyes and see the circle of life. I'm excited to include you into our family forevermore. What is to come?

Your sister is thrilled you are coming. She talks a lot about being able to give you a bottle and help you sit in your high chair; even if that isn't for a while yet. She's also excited to pick out your outfits and help with your diapers. Isn't that nice? You'll have to remember that when you feel like giving her a hard time. Your Daddy has been endlessly excited about you coming; he loves to think about all the fun we will all have together.

Physically, this pregnancy has been very hard. I haven't known pain like this…Torn labrum in my hip, sciatica in my back/both legs, rashes, routine pregnancy pain, etc. etc. But I know it will be worth it in the end if it means there is YOU. The past several months have been a roller coaster of emotions ranging from excitement, fear, anticipation, anxiety and happiness. What a ride! As we get closer to your arrival date, I'm feeling a deeper sense of peace and calm. I know I can do this now. You are on my side; I've felt all your little kicks and punches at the same times each day reminding me that you are here and you are ok. You are loved Little N. So very loved. Beautiful boy, I'm so lucky to get to be your Mama; that I've been blessed with the treasure that is YOU. I hope you love being with me (and us) too. Now come out already! We're ready to start our adventures with you!
Love you always and forever,
Mama

36 weeks

2012-01-09T16:30:00.003-05:00

Here I am! The pic is from today at 36 weeks 3 days. My zeppelin belly is so heavy and I feel like the baby will fall out at any time. LOL. Still hard and extremely painful to walk and move. To the point that the doctor finally prescribed Percocet for me. I take it very rarely; only when I need it the very, very, very most. The other day I took one and it didn't even help. sigh.
And I have that horrible cold that's been going around. Sweet. *cough*cough*hack*sniffle*snarf
Did I mention I also have the PUPPS rash?
Yep, I'm ready for the baby to come.
The doctor said "Let's get you to 37 weeks and then we'll talk." Well, that's the end of this week! We shall see what happens!
I'm definitely not complaining; I guess I'm just looking at all the things happening to my body right now and hoping the baby is interested in making an entrance soon. I mean, LOOK at me! How could I possibly GO another 4 weeks? At an ultrasound I had 3 weeks ago, the baby was estimated to be at 5.5 to 6 pounds or so. And that was 3 weeks ago.
So, that's the physical update! I'm headed off now to finish sorting baby clothes in a mad nesting frenzy. MUST finish SORTING! Be well everyone!

Treasured Moment

2012-01-02T14:47:00.002-05:00

Paige has many obsessions that ebb and flow...a few days on, several weeks off and so forth. Winnie the Pooh is one of those things. A while back we were sitting down to dinner and we tried to tantalize her to eat her chicken nuggets with honey "Just like Winnie the Pooh!" I coaxed. (She was in mid-obsession at that time.) We normally used honey MUSTARD for the nuggets, but we were ALL OUT. (crime!) We DID have plain honey, though, and decided to use Pooh's current celebrity status to our advantage. She seemed to jump on board and took a hearty dunk and bite. Promptly, she made the "face of disgust" like she'd just eaten an old sock out of Chris' gym bag. "You don't like it?" I asked stupidly. "NO!" she chanted. Chris walked toward the kitchen sink and said in his scandalized tone, "You don't like honey? What would Winnie the Pooh say?" Without missing a beat Paige smartly replied: "Ooohhh bother."

Christmas 2011

2012-01-01T10:51:00.003-05:00

This past Christmas was our first time staying home. We wanted to begin our own special traditions now that Paige is old enough to understand the things going on around her. It was so much fun! What made it even more special is that my parents came to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with us; and my brother came down with his girlfriend on Christmas Day.
Christmas Eve found us decorating cookies and going to Christmas Mass.

During the Mass, the priest had his pregnant niece "due in 4 weeks" and her husband bring the little baby Jesus figure to the Nativity Scene. I leaned forward intently to see what his niece looked like...did she look to be due any day? Nope. She was tiny. Her belly looked like she'd had a big meal! The lady next to me goes "didn't you say you were due in another 5 weeks or so?" She looked down at my belly and we grinned; realizing that my stomach looked like a zeppelin in comparison to this girl. Everyone I encounter insists I'm having twins and overdue. LOL. *sigh* I'm definitely defying gravity.

Christmas Day was so fun and P was so well behaved. She was so excited about everything going on...no tantrums for fussies. Everything went as planned and it was a beautiful day. All ended with a delicious meal: a filet Chris cooked with lots of yummy sides and desserts. Such a treat! After everyone left and P went to bed we looked at pictures and videos from the day and got teary. We are so very blessed and lucky. Not a day goes by where I don't appreciate what we have and the wonders in our lives. It's funny to think that next year at this time we'll have a son; Paige will have a brother. He will almost be a year old. What a difference a year will make!
You can view all the pictures of the fun here.

Antepartum Depression

2011-12-27T10:59:00.003-05:00

Ever since I was about sixteen years old I've suffered from various degrees of depression. I'm not sure why or how it all started; but I know that I suffered for a little while before I got the help I needed when I was seventeen through therapy. At that time, I was struggling to cope with the idea that I would be graduating and then going on to college. I had no idea what it would be like; I couldn't picture my future like I used to. As a kid you sort of always know what's coming next. Then, suddenly the future was a big white spot and it terrified me. I had many happy moments in that time, but depression isn't an emotion…it's an illness. You can be happy while you are depressed. You can feel sadness while you are depressed. Sadness is an emotion, and sometimes people are depressed feel sad a lot (as a symptom). But when someone says "what do you have to be depressed about?" it sends me into a sort of snit. As I'd said, Depression is an illness where you aren't sad about something. It's not an emotion that comes and goes with an event the way sadness is. It's a collection of symptoms that pull together and make you feel miserable, weak and unable to function in a normal healthy way. I remember I lost a lot of weight; getting down to 87 pounds at one point. I remember feeling a sense of lingering melancholy and constant anxiety. It got so bad that I couldn't sleep; going days and days without sleeping while my mind raced with thoughts both large and trivial. The breaking point came one morning when I felt so overwhelmed that I couldn't even dress myself. I just couldn't decide and began to cry…my Dad ended up choosing an outfit that matched and handed it to me so that I could at least get it on and make it to school on time. Later that day, I visited the school nurse who called my Mom to come in and discuss the issue. Long story short, I ended up seeing a therapist who helped me cope with mild clinical depression, anxiety disorder, and mild Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (where I compulsively thought and thought to try and make myself feel better to the tune of never sleeping). Seeing that therapist really helped give me the tools I needed to change my mindset and help me at least get the sleep I needed to function. She taught me techniques on how to quiet my mind so I could enjoy daily activities again. I carry those skills with me to this day.
I needed them again later on in my mid-twenties when I had a great job but a horrible boss. He was pretty abusive to me every single day…it was a nightmare. I began having panic attacks in the morning while driving to work. I'd be driving along and suddenly my chest would feel tight. My heart would begin to race and beat hard. I'd then get short of breath and I'd start sweating. So, I'd pull over the car until I felt calm again. Needless to say, I was slipping into that place again. A place I hated being. But, a visit to the doctor later found me with a shiny new prescription for an anti-anxiety medication. I'd never felt better! My jerk boss didn't even affect me anymore as I floated through the day on a cloud of content. I still wish I could remember what I was taking. I didn't need it for long.
Anywhoo, I battled different depression and anxiety issues for years to varying degrees. After Paige was born, I slipped into postpartum depression that somehow seemed inevitable now that I look back. I was embarking on another unknown. I couldn't plan for a future I had no idea about. I had a whole new life; turning into a stay-at-home mom and spending my days fretting and stressed. I had the worst insomnia and couldn't sleep even when I wanted to. I slowly felt like I was losing my mind. I became so anxious, angry, and withdrawn. I cried all the time and panicked at the smallest things. I barely showered, I never left the house. I just couldn't "go." Like a broken engine. Needless to say, I knew what was happening and called my OB. She recommended a therapist and the OB wrote me a Prozac prescription with the caveat that I see the therapist regularly. I only took the prescription for a few months, but I still see that therapist. It's been great to have someone's impartial ear. She gives me the suggestions I need when I can't see the forest through the trees.

With my current pregnancy, depression has come back and hit me very hard. Harder than it ever has before. It started out as feeling tired all the time. I didn't really think anything of it since I was pregnant and caring for a toddler. Of course I was tired! It got to the point that I was ready to go to bed by 6:30 or 7 at night. Soon, I was tired all day even after all that sleep at night. I would lay and stare at the wall during Paige's naps. I would feel so over-stimulated and overwhelmed by the simplest tasks. Wash the dishes? Hardest thing ever!!! Wipe the counter? UUUGGGGGHHH! Paige spilled her drink? Might as well just pack up the car and drive away forever and ever. Soon, I began to feel so melancholy and anxious my heart would race and race. I began to have a hair-trigger temper where I would yell all day long about nothing in particular. I felt so guilty yelling at my beautiful girl when she was just being a typical toddler. I yelled and felt angry constantly. Next, I never wanted to eat. I stopped showering and caring for myself. It all seemed too much to do. On top of this, I felt so much fear about having a second baby. How would I cope if I could barely function NOW? I felt so worthless; a horrible wife and mother who couldn't even wash the dishes or do laundry anymore. I stopped spending time with my amazing husband as I just wanted to sleep or be alone at every chance I got. He began doing the lion's share of the housework, the cooking, cleaning, and child-rearing tasks. AND he worked full-time. This just made me feel even worse. But, when you are sick…truly sick…many things slide to the bottom of your list as you focus on survival. The problem with depression is that you can't really see it. The person seems fine on the outside; so it can be hard to understand why they can't just get up and function. I wouldn't expect someone who is sick going through chemo to jump out of bed and wash the dishes, do the laundry, etc. I would expect them to be rest and heal. But depression is a separate beast entirely and I never realized how bad one could really feel. I was alive, but unable to function much more than getting the necessities done at minimal levels. The rest of the time found me laying in my bed, staring, voices of constant thoughts chattering through my head. After some time, I began to scare myself with thoughts of hurting myself. I began to think that perhaps my family didn't really need me; my husband was so great at doing it all without me there. Every time some little thing would go wrong, I would cry, panic, and just want to drive off a bridge. I needed a way to express my distress and there just didn't seem any way to do that and do it justice. I felt so lonely, isolated, and scared. Many moments found me about ready to dial 911 so I could go to a hospital for help. I told my OB about it; asking about possible medications and was basically told that nobody would prescribe depression meds to a pregnant woman due to the risks to the baby. I even looked into herbal remedies only to find they aren't for pregnant women either. I was suffering from "Major depression" and couldn't get the help I needed. I was told to exercise and eat right and to try meditation. Well, I couldn't exercise due to my horrible sciatica issues and injured hip. All the constant pain I was in didn't help matters. And, to be fully honest here, the idea that exercise can help when you feel like shooting yourself in the head seems so trite and silly. I felt so defeated; I wanted to protect my baby. But I also felt like I was hanging off a cliff by my fingernails. I felt like I was in a fight for my life. And nobody could help me. I felt like nobody WOULD help me. I wanted someone to notice how much I was hurting. To come save the day. Ultimately, I guess I wanted a break so I could sleep, collect myself, and push forward. But that break just wasn't coming. I was just too sick to ask for extra help. Too guilty. Too embarrassed to impose on anyone. My husband was already doing so much. I just wanted to get in a car and go sleep in a hotel by myself and avoid the world for a week or two. I just couldn't bring myself to ask for what I needed.
And then…we went on vacation. I had a week where I was able to rest, get away, and break the normal routine. My husband did the bulk of the child care duties while I sat in a lounge chair and stared at the ocean. He played with Paige in the waves; laughing and giggling. And it all made me feel so much better. It was a little like hitting a "reset" button. Not that I felt perfect when we returned home, but I felt like I could cope with daily tasks again. Load the dishwasher? OK. Do the laundry? Ok, but only one load today. Clean up the spilled milk? sigh. No biggie. My engine was starting to go again, even if weak.
That was now close to 4 months ago.
As I write this, I'm still in the battle. But it is not NEARLY as severe as it was back in August. My doctor mentioned that the pregnancy hormones were causing havoc and that time was what I needed to feel better. I'm able to achieve the basic tasks on my daily to-do lists and if I can't, well, I don't fret. I know that these feelings are fleeting. They aren't set in stone. They WILL go away, they always improve. But you can bet I will be calling a psychotherapist the second I have this baby. I'm eager to get onto a set regimen of medication that someone will monitor. To be watched by an expert who can truly help me manage this thing…to help me keep my anxiety at bay and my feelings on an even keel. Ongoing and everlasting. To help me live a healthy normal life. For people who don't believe in Antepartum depression, I can tell you for a fact that it is real. Truly real and truly terrifying. I've honestly never felt so horrible in my entire life as I did this past summer and I vow to never let it get that bad again. I feel lucky that I knew what this "thing" was and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

As for my husband: he is my treasure. My rock. My everything. I can never find a way to thank him enough for all that he has done for me and our family during this hard time. What can I possibly do to express how grateful and lucky I am for his understanding and tireless efforts? I wish I knew. Words just aren't enough. I just know that when I get better, I will spend every day doing my very best to be all that I know I am. To be the wife and mother I always dreamed I'd be. I would give him the sun, moon and stars in thanks but it would still not be enough to express my gratitude. So, I will spend my life doing my best to be the most happy, content, and healthy wife I can be. Getting the right help from the right people will get me there. I'm still learning. I guess this story, like any other in our lives, is to be continued.
***UPDATE*** Please note that just because the doctors who I spoke with wouldn't prescribe to me doesn't mean that it's the standard of care. I've heard of other doctors who would do it. If you are suffering, please check with your own doctors and see what is available to you or go elsewhere should you need more help. If I'd kept on trying, I'm sure I would have found what I was looking for. But in all honesty, I was quite scared off from the idea when I learned what could happen to the baby. I don't think I could also handle the guilt if something went wrong. But that's a personal choice; not one that fits for everyone. There are plenty of cases where the benefits of the medication far outweigh the risks and you gotta do what you gotta do; bottom line.

Happy!!!

2011-12-22T20:40:00.002-05:00

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from Me and Wee!!!! Enjoy!!!!!

Little P's Big Girl Room

2011-12-16T09:53:00.004-05:00

Hi friends!
We finally finished up with Paige's new big girl room! Phew!
We took all the elements that were in her nursery and transferred them over to this new space and changed up the bed, dresser, and bookcase. Her nursery furniture and old room now will belong to Baby N. We're working on his room now!

-As you can see, we added a nightstand (Ikea) and added seagrass wallpaper to the front of the drawers to add a little something extra to the look. (Just like we'd done with Paige's dresser in her nursery).

-The bamboo wooden mobile is from Petit Collage.

-The owl print on canvas is also from Petit Collage. Not sure if they are selling it anymore, but they have lots of great choices for wall art!

-The curtains in the yellow chevron pattern were from Windows By Melissa (she was super friendly and easy to work with!).

-The butterflies over the bed are removable and can be taken off and put back on over and over and over again. So easy! I love them. They came from Love Mae on Etsy. There's tons of product and great decals and ideas there. I even got Paige a cool paper doll decal from there...it's currently on the wall in my living room.

-The letters came from Michael's craft store. They came in white, so I spray-painted them yellow gloss. Easy!

-The rug is from her nursery; it had come from Crate and Barrel back in 2008-2009. It's a simple cream shag in size 4 x 6 feet.

-P needs a little step stool to get into the bed; so we found a white one that has a lid that lifts for storage at Buy Buy Baby.

-Her toddler bedrails also came from there.

Paige's book nook is my favorite part of the room.

-Her yellow chair is a slipcover custom-made by Calico Corners. The chair is really a pea-green velvet number I found at the Salvation Army store for 9 bucks when I was in my early twenties.

-The Hooray banner came from the shop called Nice on Etsy. I love it! It's how we felt in bringing Paige into the world.

-The fabric hoops...fabric came from Purl Soho and the hoops came from JoAnne Fabrics

-The bookcase came from Ikea and I painted the back wall of it yellow. It got all scraped up, so I would probably line it with paper once it's all put together (if I were to do it over again).

-The lampshades all came from Anthropologie back in 2008

-The dachshund lamp was found at Modern Nursery

-The kitchen towel draped on the back of the chair is from Anthropologie circa early 2009.

-The pillow on the chair came from West Elm in 2008. It was meant for our bedroom, but Paige kept bringing into her room again and again so I just leave it there now. Ha!

We put Paige's little doll bed next to her own bed for now. She's still not really into playing with dolls yet. The doll bed was a steal from Ikea. The blanket was crocheted by my dear friend's mother for Paige when she was born.

-The bed and dresser came from our local huge furniture chain called Jordan's Furniture. It was on sale as it was to be discontinued. I loved the scallop detail on both the bed and the dresser.

-The elephant hamper came from Home Decorator's Collection. It's the medium sized one in the color honey.

-The stuffed owl came from Modern Nursery.

-You can see I store P's changing pad in the nook next to the dresser and wall. When I need to change her (potty training just can't happen right now) I throw the pad on the bed and go about our business.

-The print above the dresser came from the esteemed Erin Stead, winner of the 2011 Caldecott Medal for her illustrations in the book A Sick Day for Amos McGee. (For anyone that doesn't know; that medal is basically the "Best Picture" Oscar for illustrators. Doesn't get bigger!) That book is a huge favorite around here; and these illustrations are my favorite from any book by far. She has offered a very limited selection of prints from the book for sale and I jumped at it. I had it framed at Michael's craft store. Paige chose the print she wanted and she loves it. I like that it's a real piece of art that holds monetary value as well as memories. Read more about Erin Stead (this was the first book she's ever illustrated!!!!) and her story here.

I'd be remiss if I didn't include a picture of Paige's beloved wooden train. Handmade, here!

I would also be remiss if I didn't show P's real closet inside with no picking up. There's a drawer thingie for her socks, medical stuff, hair stuff and whatnot. And there's a bigger drawer thingie (all from Bed Bath Beyond) to hold some toys. It makes cleanup easy for her. (I certainly won't do it for her!!)

I hope you enjoyed your tour and that you like her space! I love playing in there with her. It's cozy and happy, and most important of all...she loves it!

Times They Are A-Changin'!

2011-12-15T10:55:00.003-05:00

I went to the doctor yesterday for my routine visit and got to vent a little bit about all the pain I've been in when it comes to my hips, sciatica, etc. How some days I just cannot move. Some days are so painful I just cry a lot of the time. This particular doctor (I see several as part of a practice) didn't know about my struggles and said "Do you want to deliver at 39 weeks?" I about jumped a mile and yelled "Yes! If at all possible!" So, she wrote a note in the file and I guess we shall see what happens. You know what? That's 6 weeks away. 6. Six. SIX. SIIIIIIIIIIX. I'm so eager and scared all at once.

Can I share something? I've been terrified, scared and in denial most of this pregnancy that another baby is actually coming. Let me also quickly insert that I've also been thrilled and excited; but I cannot deny the overarching feeling of fear. Back in May, when we'd originally thought we'd start trying for Baby #2 I began to feel so much anxiety and stress around the whole topic. We flew down to Virginia for the wedding of close friends and I meekly admitted to Chris on the plane that I just didn't feel ready yet. With Paige's therapies and so many unknowns I just felt so overwhelmed. He seemed disappointed, but understood and was supportive. I said, "How about we wait until the fall?" That closed the topic and we had a wonderful weekend. Of course, that's the same weekend my period was late and I breathlessly peered at a positive pregnancy test just a few days later. The decision had been made. I felt a mix of emotions...mostly happiness. But I also felt confusion and fear. And those emotions slowly took over. You know, all the fears of having a second kid might conjure up along with caring for a child with some special needs. I immediately ran out and bought books about having other kids, anything to bring me comfort. I was so fearful I cried a lot; I am a planner and the great unknown of having a second baby is a lot for me to wrap my head around. I thought about the post-partum depression I'd had after giving birth to Paige. Would I go through it all again? The sleep deprivation was also very difficult for me to tolerate; I nearly went insane. Was I ready to face that again but with 2 kids? Would this next child end up having some special needs too? I nearly drove myself bonkers. So, what did I do? I put it out of my mind. I have been in denial for months; just ignoring the fact a baby is, in fact, coming. I guess it's been my way of coping with the stresses and the unknowns. Why worry about them when you have no control? This past month something miraculous has occurred: The Nesting Instinct. My mind simply will not let me forget the baby is coming. I'm running around getting little clothes washed and folded. I'm excitedly putting his room together. I'm marveling over all these little things that are going to belong to my little boy. OUR little boy. And the fear is melting away. I know from experience that there is no way to really prepare for a baby and for what is to come. You just roll with it; you DO it and you get on with it. And you enjoy each moment. Thank you, Nesting Instinct! It's the best Christmas Gift I could get. Peace of Mind and Excitement.
Who out there has had 2 or more kids? How did you cope with all the extra stress? Any advice for this fearful lady?
Thanks for listening. This has been so hard to admit. So hard to talk about. Probably the hardest words I've written in a long time. But, I'm happy to know the intensity of the fear is lifting and I'm allowing myself to feel the excitement and thrill I've been wanting and wishing for.

32 Weeks

2011-12-09T17:46:00.002-05:00

Hi friends!
Just wanted to pop in to say hello! I'm 32 weeks today and holding strong! Still barely walking and in tons of pain but I try to hide it for the photo! :)
I think I've started nesting because today I was in a crazy lady mode running through the mall doing errands (I say running, but I was inching along and hobbling at my fastest turtle rate) and rushing around the house cleaning baby's new clothes, sheets, etc. I feel this incredible need to finish his nursery already; I just need a few more decorative accessories. We're waiting for his chair; who knows when the heck that will come. It may not even come until after he's born! yeesh. I wish I hadn't ignored the nursery for so long but oh well. Ya can't do it all, right? But, the basic bones of the room are coming together and I'm hoping it will be ready by the beginning of February. Fingers are crossed! In the meantime, we are preparing for Christmas and all the fun. Paige seems super excited about it all and has learned many a Christmas carol. It's been fun. But, I'm off to eat dinner now (food!!!!) but I'll pop in again soon. Hugs to you all and hope your holiday preps and plans are going well!

28 weeks

2011-11-11T10:04:00.003-05:00

Hi friends!
I'm 28 weeks along today. Time is flying! The pregnancy is going well; baby boy is healthy and growing well. Because of my T-shaped uterus, I go in every 6 weeks for an ultrasound to make sure the baby is growing properly. We got to see the little guy yesterday and he's lookin' good! At one point, I could see his eyes opened, and I could see his mouth opening and closing. He's getting a chubby baby look about him already. Yay! Paige got to see him and she kept saying "He's so cute! Just like dolly!" LOL. I will agree that he's cute.
The not so good news? I can barely walk. I have had a torn labrum in my right hip since 2006. And the pregnancy hormones make it hurt A LOT. It's a horrible shocking pain that often sends me to the floor or into involuntary screams. It SUCKS. I would rate the pain a 10 out of 10. But now, my left hip is experiencing similar pain. But I think that is sciatica. Because sometimes I feel bad twinges in my lower back and back of my left leg with it. Either way, some days I can walk ok with some effort, and other days I just sit there and cry and wonder how I'm going to get through the day while trying to care for Paige when Chris is at work. It's hard. The other day was the worst. I was up screaming in the night and the pain was so intense. The next morning found me barely able to take steps. I manged to squeeze a visit in to the Orthopedist and he gave me a cortizone shot in my right hip. It's got a 55% chance of working, so we shall see. That was 2 days ago and I'm able to walk today, so it must be helping! That visit to the doctor was hell because I had to bring Paige with me, I was alone, and was carrying all the crap you need to have with a toddler. (Let me just insert that Chris wanted to be home with me, but had to be at work for reviews and meetings with staff, etc. You know the drill...he just couldn't get away.) It took forever to get from the car to the office. And P kept tantruming...not wanting to be there in the waiting room and then not wanting to wait in the exam room. I'd brought toys, even the I-Pad but nothing would help. She just kept crying and screaming until I began to cry too. I could barely move, much less comfort her. The nurse kept coming in to try and entertain her and just looked at me with sympathy. Blah. Luckily, one of Paige's therapists arrived for her regular appointment (she was happy to meet us there at the doctor) and whisked her off to the waiting area with her huge sack of toys and games. The angel of the day! P was happy as a clam after that and I got my damned shot.
Anyway, I just needed to vent. Being in constant serious pain sucks. I have to care for my little one despite it all and just push through. Basically, I've been sweating a lot, gritting my teeth a lot, and I go to bed early at night since I use up all my energy. Luckily, there are good days mixed in where the pain is tolerable and I can function; so that is what carries me through. Let's just say I'm looking forward to our little boy's arrival for more reasons than one!

Halloween 2011

2011-11-08T09:08:00.004-05:00

Hi friends!
Drama central over here. We've been enjoying lots of fall festivities and fun. Until the weekend of Halloween when a Nor'easter hit our area and we got a foot of snow the night before trick or treating. We're used to snow, you know? But the trees hadn't yet lost their leaves and the sudden freezing temperatures combined with the heavy snow made many trees fall, explode, lose limbs, etc. It knocked power out for a few days for us, and for over a week for many people in this area! It got SO FRIGGIN' COLD in the house...no heat, no real running water, etc. etc. It was bad. Luckily, we got our gas fireplace working and we retreated here and there to a friend's house (who had a generator). Just as I was packing to head to my parents for the rest of the week, our power returned. Phew! The night of the storm was scary. It was so dark outside; no power anywhere. And all you could hear was the exploding trees in the woods...they sounded like mini bombs going off. One tree fell and just missed our house. It crashed into our yard and broke several pieces of our fence. I thought for sure it was going to hit the roof over our bed, but it missed! Needless to say, I couldn't sleep after that. When we ventured out the next day (to unsuccessfully find a place to eat) we couldn't go a block without a tree that had fallen or a downed wire. There was nowhere to go that was open; everyone had no power, no phones, no internet, etc. It's weird how we become so reliant on such comforts. It was scary to go without them, even if just for a few days. Anyhoo, Trick or Treating was postponed by our town until this past Sunday and I'm so grateful Paige got to wear her costume and get candy...as we'd been talking about for the whole month! I'm even MORE grateful for heat. For water. For the creature comforts we've come to rely on and it reminds me how lucky we are to have them. So lucky. Now, to start saving up for a good generator. It's life or death when you don't have heat in freezing temps. sigh.
That's New England for ya.

P.S. Paige wanted to be the Big Bad Wolf for Halloween. She Huffed and Puffed, but our house is still standing. Phew!

Featured

2011-10-13T13:24:00.003-04:00

Heeeeey!
Paige's old room was featured on TLC's "Parentables" blog in their nesting section. Check it out!
Of course, she's in a new "big girl room" now and I'm brainstorming how to finish decorating the new walls. It's taking forever to figure out something unique that we like. Hmmm. I'm eager to get it done; but I've just been in a sort of design block. We'll call it "busy with mothering a toddler" block. Yeah, that's it. Don't even get me started on baby boy's nursery plans. SIGH. It all resides in my head...getting it all OUT is the challenge. :)

Singing

2011-10-08T13:24:00.002-04:00

I had to share this video; Paige is really coming out of her "shell" and using her language. We're really proud of how hard she's been working! Early Intervention has been such a great program. Woot!!! (she'll be 2.5 at the end of this month...a few more weeks!)

23 weeks

2011-10-07T09:59:00.003-04:00

Hi friends!
We're 23 weeks along and doing well! Little boy is doing well in there and his growth is on track. Since I have a T-shaped uterus (they call it bicornuate) I go in every 6 to 8 weeks for an ultrasound to track his growth and progress. I can tell you now, he moves around a lot; mostly at night. Makes me nervous for when he arrives! :)

Un-friendly

2011-10-06T15:51:00.002-04:00

Hey there!
So, here's the story I teased yesterday:
Monday was a HORRIBLE day. It sucked ass. Paige was in tantrum city and I was exhausted and cranky by the end. I won't go into particulars but you know the drill.
Chris came home from work and said: Let's go someplace fun and silly...I'll take you to Friendly's for a simple dinner and ice cream. I felt too tired to go, but thought it might be fun and redeem SOME part of the day. Off we went.
So, we waited forever to get seated even though there were TONS of open seats. Anyway, we ordered our drinks and waited. After a time, I heard the waitress approach and I heard Chris go OH CRAP! Just then, a felt a glass of soda land in my lap. And the other splashed over my leg. Huge glasses. Of soda. Full of ice. Emptied all over me. I never saw it coming because she approached from behind and the tray wobbled...thus sending the drinks over my right shoulder and into my lap. My entire sweater and pants were SOAKED THROUGH. I was dripping. And shivering. And had ice inside my pants. My almost-six-month-along-belly was shivering. I just sat there and said: "Well, this day has sucked so bad and that was the cherry on top." The girl was a teen and it was her first day. I then felt bad for her, so I told her everything would be fine and these things happen all the time. I even made up a story about how I'd done it during my waitressing days. Needless to say, I didn't have a change of clothes with me. But I wanted my grilled cheese, dammit! So, we sat there. I was so embarrassed because the whole restaurant had stopped to stare and gawk. But at least everyone was looking sympathetic. Too bad the girl brought the wrong drinks the next time around and I had to send them back. And then, she brought Chris the wrong dinner. We had to wait for a new one. SIGH. So much for the fun night; but at least it made for an amusing albeit chilly story. I was happy to get home to my warm shower that night; of course laundry had to be done right away lest any stains set in.
They took 20% of the price off the bill and gave me a little voucher for a free entree for the next time we came in. Doesn't it seem like more should have been done? Nobody apologized for the wrong drinks or entree. The girl wasn't even nice about that. Anyhoo, they announced yesterday that they are going bankrupt. The branch we went to never does a good job, so I hope they close that one! :)

Progress

2011-10-05T16:13:00.003-04:00

Hi!
Just checking in to let you know that we're nearing the end of our 3rd day without TV or media! Monday was hard and horrible, but Tuesday and today were great! Paige hasn't even asked for TV today and she's been more present, clear, playful and imaginative. Her eye contact is great and has lengthened and she's been making up elaborate play schemes; even making up different voices for the different characters she plays with. She's been much more chatty in the car and is able to answer my questions and tell me about things we just did. Score!
I'm much more tired at days' end, but it's been worth it so far! We'll see how the next few days go.
I'll be back tomorrow with a funny story from the other night; it involves being out to eat at Friendlys with Paige and Chris...and the waitress who accidentally dumped all the drinks on me. :)

De-stimulation and simplification

2011-10-04T08:00:00.001-04:00

Hi friends!
I hope you are all well! We've been doing just fine, thanks!
Last week, Paige had a horrible week. Each day seemed to be filled with tantrums, tears, whining, moaning, groaning, and overall grouchiness. Of course, there were some fun and happy moments too; but not enough to balance out all the crying going on! I was getting so upset and frustrated; what was wrong? (Besides being TWO) I realized that she'd been getting more television and computer time than I would normally like and some of her therapies had been cancelled so her routine was disrupted. Paige is easily overstimulated. She LOVES the television and the computer and would sit for hours and hours if I let her; but all the lights, sounds, and colors really do a number on her. She ends up acting wild and "hyper-drugged" for hours afterward if not another whole day. She becomes "unregulated" and unable to listen to and follow instructions. It's as if she's the only one in the room. She gets so hyper and jittery. Some kids can handle it; mine just can't. I try to limit it to a show or two, but it always ends up with her screaming for more like an addict. Some days I just feel so worn out and tired that the TV seems to be the only solution for me to get a little break. There it is.
I've done a ton of reading lately...trying to find ideas of what we can do to create a calming environment that soothes Paige while still being productive and fun. I stumbled upon some principles of Waldorf education in the home and the ideas instantly resonated with me. While I can't say I agree with the full Waldorf way, there are tenets that I believe can bring more peace and joy into our home.
One thing I found that I wanted to talk about were ideas of things to do without TV and instead of feeling like I have to spend the whole day playing the role of "entertainer." You know what I mean? I found this post over at The Parenting Passageway and it opened my eyes to including Paige in the daily routines of life. By doing so, I can get things done and she gets to learn new skills and gain self-esteem. We all know the work of keeping the home is plentiful. I find that these days, a lot of tasks are streamlined thanks to electric dishwashers, mixers, etc. But, I can still break things down and find little things for Paige to help with.
I can:
-Give Paige a basin and some soapy water and some silverware to wash. I can show her how to clean each piece and dry it off one at a time.
-Show Paige where each piece of silverware goes in the drawer so she can help put it away (with the help of a stool)
-Give Paige a whisk and she can beat the eggs for me (really WITH me) (at breakfast time)
-give Paige each dish and show her where it goes on the table (eventually she can set the table)
-have Paige clean up her plates and put them on the counter after meals and snacks. She can wipe her crumbs, push in her chair, and wash her hands and face with a cloth.
-Start showing Paige how to fold using washcloths and towels first, then build up to other things.
-Give Paige laundry to put away in each room. Perhaps even if it means only giving her one thing at a time. This will certainly kill a lot of time!
-Have her help me sort laundry and put it in the washer and then the dryer.
-Have her push the heavy laundry basket across the floor for me (heavy work is good for sensory input into her joints and helps regulate her system)
-Show her how to spread jelly on her toast/bagel
-Show her how we water the plant
-Let Paige give the dog her food
-Teach Paige how we make the beds and she can help
-Teach her to put items in the recycling bin in the garage
-Show her how to sweep and mop and wipe
-Give her a spray bottle of water and a little cloth to "wash the windows"
-Get cups and practice pouring from one to another. Perhaps we'll start by using beans from her sensory bean box?

These are all little ways I can include Paige in the tasks of home life and kill some time while we're at it. Perhaps the challenge of learning these new things will be just the thing to keep her feeling happy and challenged and NOT BORED. I expect that each thing would take a lot of practice to master; but when treated as an activity and not a chore it can become fun! AND I'd still be accomplishing things (albeit slowly). Better that than a cranky 2 year old who becomes impossible to please!

We are also needing to work on self-care skills such as hand-washing/drying, dressing/undressing, appropriate tooth-brushing, washing the face/body, drinking from a cup properly, using the spoon without spilling everything everywhere, brushing hair, eventual potty training, and so forth. These all take time, attention and practice too!

Between all these things and her regular free-play, art time, sensory play, outdoor time, story times, and whatnot the day should be pretty filled up and TV-free. I recognize that the commitment on my part is going to be much higher, but I think it will be for the best in the end. When I feel overwhelmed or discouraged I try to reflect on my commitment to be an at-home Mom and what it all means to me and why. I do my best to give Paige the things she needs to flourish amongst her developmental challenges. It is hard. Very, very hard. But it can also be rewarding. I think I'll be happier in helping her accomplish useful things during the day rather than my simply being her "entertainer." That routine gets old quickly. It is easy to burn out yet still feel like I'm not doing much...especially now that I'm not in the career world. But I also remind myself that this time will go by fast and it's simply a season of life. This is my current calling and I want to know that I'm doing my best. My best looks different each day, that's for sure.
I have more to say on the topic of creating a more soothing calm home, but I'll leave it at this for now. We'll see how we do with it all tomorrow! Be back soon!

I love them

2011-10-03T08:00:00.000-04:00

sigh

Nesting

2011-09-30T13:47:00.003-04:00

Hi friends!
My first bits of nesting instinct have kicked in. Paige has new goals with her therapists and it inspired me to reorganize her playroom to suit them. I love the changes!
She had a book nook in the corner of the room that we moved out of there and into our family room. She is always so busy playing in the room that she never takes as much interest in the books there. And it took up a lot of space. Now that the book sling and cushion are in the family room, Paige can be found over there reading through all her books aloud and participating in quiet play with her animals and dollhouse. It's much more harmonious and peaceful.

Her play kitchen had been in our family room (we tried to encourage her to use it there to no real avail), so we moved it into the playroom where the book nook was. We moved her table and chairs to the center of the floor in front of the play kitchen to encourage her to "cook" and create tea parties.

The blue bookcase used to hold all of Paige's musical instruments. She just tossed them onto shelves and it didn't make much sense organizationally. So, I put them into a basket on the toy shelf unit and am now using the shelves for all the play kitchen food, utensils, baking materials, etc. All of the kitchen-related items are together in the corner and she's already played with it a bunch of times in one day! Now, she is ready to learn about sequencing and extending her pretend-play story lines to include "filling the teapot" and "setting the table" and "pouring the tea into the cups" and "giving cookies to her guests." You know the drill. For language, she is working on prepositions (in, next to, under, on, below, etc.) and number concepts (a few, many, most of, some of, all of) and we can work on this with the tea party theme too. I will even put napkins in the area for her to work on her folding skills. These are all skills that will transfer over well in social situations with other children when the time comes; AND they are skills that can transfer over to "real life" in the home at dinner time. We're excited!

It's a....BOY!

2011-09-24T14:47:00.003-04:00

Yes, we have a little guy on the way! Here is his first photo.

The ultrasound was done at about 17 weeks. I'm 21 weeks now; I'm sorry it took so long to share! There's been a lot of madness going on and the blog has been a victim for sure. I hope to share more about it soon.
Isn't it exciting? My mind is still wrapping around the idea of a whole other gender! hee hee. Boy clothes, boy issues, etc. etc. It's obviously a whole new thing! I'm excitedly nervous.

Of course, you know me...my mind is on his nursery planning. Obviously, the most important things first, right? Ha! Chris and I have been making brainstorming lists now that we've decided on colors and a sort of "theme." It will be a while before it is done, but I'm excited about it! I've just decided on the fabric for the roman shades, so I guess that will be the starting point. We're also using Paige's original nursery room and are keeping the wall color the Robin's Egg blue. We are full of new ideas and just have to execute them.

For anyone who's asked: We are still putting finishing touches on Paige's new room. I'm still figuring out the last elements of wall decor in there and then we plan to give you a tour! It looks a lot like her old room since we brought over most of the accessories, but there's new twists to it.
So, there you have it!

Wow. A little man on the way; we are blessed.

18 weeks and Aruba 2011

2011-09-12T15:49:00.005-04:00

Hi friends!
We just got back from a trip to Aruba. Not a bad place to spend my 18th week of pregnancy. Now, as I write this I am now 19 weeks along.
I spent the time laying in the shade, playing with Paige, swimming, and napping. Chris did the lion's share of the work with caring for Paige and me. I'm a lucky gal.
Paige did great on the trip and was thrilled with all the wildlife she saw there: Mostly sand crabs, hermit crabs, iguanas, lizards, fish, and the flamingos. Seventh heaven for her. She talks about all the critters like they are her best buddies. The trip did wonders for her as she is now talking up a storm about what she saw and has started singing songs in their entirety...not just lines of songs here and there. Such cool developments!
Here are some photos from the trip to give a taste of our experience; see you soon friends!

Swings

2011-08-23T15:37:00.003-04:00

So, we made some cool therapy swings for Paige in the basement. Weeeee!

ALERT
Let me be the first to say we are not swing experts; but used the suggestions of a very well respected Occupational Therapist/Dr. after observing her own swings in her own clinic in her basement. If you use our following suggestions, we are not responsible for injuries or damages! Try this stuff at your own risk. These are HOME MADE therapy swings.
ALERT OVER

First, we secured the swings to a floor joist in the basement. This is the only kind of place that can support this kind of weight; you know? We used one of those huge 6 inch anchoring screws. Here's a photo of one:

We made an inner tube swing. I went to tire shop that specializes in tires for commercial trucks, tractors, etc. They sell lots of sizes of inner tubes and I told them what sort of size I needed (big, and about 4 feet-ish for the tire) and we guessed. The tube is a touch smaller than I'd planned, but it still works great. They blew the tire up for me. Also, I didn't get it used because it would have black residue all over it. eeeek.
There was a HUGE nozzle thingie coming off the tube so I had to wrap it in duct tape around and around the tire to secure it against the tire so it wasn't sticking out. Aesthetics are not important with this stuff.
Chris secured some rope (the kind that supports 250 pounds of weight or something) to the tire and to a carabiner (from Home Depot) which is all connected to the giant screw in the ceiling. You can sort of study the photo to see the setup. Chris made a sort of "chain" out of the rope, so if the tire needs to raise up or down in height, it can simply link into one of those little holes. You can sort of see them in the photo tailing off to the left.

We have a huge old mattress underneath the swing for safety. Paige likes to drape her body through the middle hole and lay on her belly. She then sort of runs around and swings in circles and left to right, super-hero style.
The trick to this is to raise the tire high enough to keep Paige from wanting to lean all the way through to try and touch the mattress with her hands. She was constantly falling out of the tire on her head. So, we got the height up enough so that she didn't dare try to lean forward to touch. She just knows it's too far down to reach.
This kind of swinging is something I remember from my elementary school days on the regular strap swings at the playground. I would lie on my belly and swing. But, Paige can't reach those yet and this allows her more circling movement since it's hanging from one point. If the tire were bigger, and when Paige gets older, she could SIT in the middle hole (like sitting on a horse) and hug it. She could hold a stretchy piece of therapy band or fabric with me holding the other end to pull her all different directions on the swing. It's relaxing and fun. Just ideas.

So, that's the inner tube swing. The point of it is to give Paige deep pressure sensory input through her belly while she satisfies her need for spinning and swinging. After time on this swing, Paige is more alert, focused, and "organized." Her language usage spikes and she is able to express herself so much better. I'm told this is because the swing gives her body the sensory input it needs so she can focus on the tasks at hand. It sort of "tunes out" all the things that distract her so she can concentrate and focus. It's like it clears out the cobwebs and suddenly she's able to be in the moment. Her motor skills also become more refined and exact. I'm told this is because she has a better feel for where her body is in space, thus moving more carefully.
No matter what, I LOVE this swing and what it does for her.

The other swing; with the same sorts of benefits and uses is the hammock/blanket swing.

This swing is made of stretchy fleece and acts like a hammock. It works like a blankie taco with Paige as the filling. LOL. It is hanging from the same kind of screw and rope set up that the inner tube has.

I got 3 yards of the stretch fleece (fabric stores or Walmart carries it) and I sewed a sort of pocket into each end. The pocket is about a foot wide (I folded the pocket over to the 24 inch mark in). I sewed across, but using several little vertical lines to keep it from ripping apart from the weight of the person inside. Here's a photo of the tons of little vertical lines. You can see if you look closely.

Once all sewed, I threaded each pocket onto a U-Bolt piece of hardware I found at Ace hardware that looks like this: (it's a big one; maybe 5 inches or 6 inches across).
http://www.nutty.com/ubolts.shtml
If you look at the diagram in that link, you can see a sort of plate with nuts on the other side that keep the plate on. I also got 2 more nuts to go on the other side of the plate and tightened both together to keep them from just unscrewing over time. In all, I got 2 u-bolts and 4 additional nuts.

Anyway, I threaded this through each pocket and secured all the nuts. I was left with what looks like a gigantic blue handbag. LOL. I simply put the two handles onto a carabiner and clipped it to the rope. The rope was tied with many loops, again, for easy height adjusting.

We have ours hanging mere inches off the floor because we use it for Paige to lay on her belly with her arms out. Her arms touch the floor so she can move herself in different directions and in circles. We often spread puzzle pieces out all over the place and she has to "fly around" to gather them and put them into the puzzle. She gets a lot of input in her stomach and has fun all the while. It also satisfies her need to swing and spin. She also loves to "be an airplane" with her arms out to the sides while I push her back and forth and all around.
Also, she can lay on her back inside the hammock with her knees bent gently. She gets lost in there! I gently sway her from side to side while she rests. It's very calming and relaxing for her when she's in the mood for it.

I intend to provide photos of these swings in action once I get Chris down there to help her swing while I take the photos.
I hope this post made some sort of sense. I'm no engineer nor am I an expert at explaining things! I hope the photos can do all the talking; let me know if you need any clarification.

And please know that Paige doesn't always want to do the swings even when she needs them. I encourage her by saying some beloved toy wants to swing. "C'mon Paige! Big dinosaur wants to swing! Let's go!" or "Dollie really wants to swing, lets help her!" We give the toy a turn and inevitably Paige wants a turn after that. But I NEVER force her to do it. It's totally up to her in terms of when she starts and when she stops. She has full control. We like to try and do it first thing in the morning when she's most alert and up for things. Also, supposedly, this sort of intense sensory activity has up to 5 hours of lasting "organizing" input. That's a lot of bang for the activity! Ideally, we would do this activity twice per day (morning and mid-day) but I haven't gotten her to do it that frequently yet. We're working on it!
So, there you have it.
Phew!

Tired

2011-08-22T09:08:00.003-04:00

Several days ago Paige went down for a nap after a particularly moody day up to that point. She made up for it, though, by being quite snuggly and huggable just before nap. I tucked her in, gave her a kiss and shut her door with a sigh of relief. I went to my own room feeling so depleted and defeated. I got under the covers; laying on my left side, and pulled those sheets up over my right ear. I just sort of stayed right there in the silence and stared at the window and my mirror on the wall; not thinking. This sort of melancholy washed over me and my mind began to consider how Paige would one day be too big to be interested in cuddling with me or sitting in my lap to read a book. My very favorite things. It's rare she wants to cuddle, but in a few years it will likely be a thing of the past. The thought made my throat close up. A big tear welled up in my right eye and slipped out and down across the bridge of my nose and plopped down onto the pillow. It fell the exact same way my brother's tears did the day my grandmother died. He was nine (almost ten) and I was four (almost five). I was too little to understand the gravity of what was happening. I sat on the floor solemnly studying my brother's face as he lay on his side on the couch. He was clutching the pillow beneath his head and had such a calm face. I had never seen him cry (that I'd noticed to that point in my young life) and I was fascinated by the chubby tears that silently rolled out and down across the bridge of his nose and plopped onto the cushion. Perhaps it was the first time I'd noticed that someone else could have sad feelings too. Someone that seemed so big and strong. It's an emotion that ties us all together for whatever the reason. Anyway, a few of my own tears fell as I recalled that day in July so many years ago. Now, I was certainly hormonal. Certainly melancholy. I took a deep breath in and realized just how worn out I feel from all we have been working through lately. From trying to be strong every second. It was necessary to lay still and give in, just for a little bit. Soon, I fell asleep and woke up with the tiniest bit of extra energy; enough to press on through the rest of the day anyway. Not every day feels like a triumph. It's important to note the days that are hard, cumbersome and tiresome. There's a lot of those lately. But they always remind me to appreciate and treasure the good ones. The sweet ones that lives are built around. I know more and more are on their way.

Weekending

2011-08-20T10:18:00.000-04:00

Even princesses like to keep busy. Enjoy your weekends!!!

A moment

2011-08-18T15:15:00.003-04:00

Dear Little P,

The other day you were having a hard time taking a nap. Eventually, I climbed into your bed and said "Let's snuggle." You came right over and put your little body against me. You fit right into the curve of my body with your head tucked neatly under my chin. I could feel your soft hair brushing against my cheek and I could smell your shampoo from the night before. It was so nice to hold you like that, even just for a little while. Later, you sort of shimmied up the bed while I tried to nap. Your face was now right against mine; I could feel your warm cheek against mine. You kept moving around. But I felt like I was being watched; so I opened my eyes. I saw your round shining liquid blue eyes peering at me from only a few inches away. You had been studying my face as I'd tried to sleep. You looked right into my eyes from sooooo close. I noticed you had such an amused grin at being able to see me from such a vantage point. I closed my eyes again to let you observe some more and felt your warm breath against my nose and cheeks. Being studied so closely made me feel like laughing. I opened my eyes again to see you with the biggest grin ever. Your cheeks were drawn up into perfect little apples and I could see all of your teeth. I laughed out loud and you responded with the sweetest little belly laugh. We went on to laugh and giggle together just looking at each other in the eyes. And you said "Silly Billy!!" So I gave you a kiss on the cheek. You never did nap that day, but instead, we had one of my favorite moments as a mother so far. Thank you for it. I love you always and forever, my little sweetie.
Love,
Mama

Big Girl Bed!

2011-08-17T09:27:00.004-04:00

Hi friends!

A week and a half ago Paige left her babyhood behind and began sleeping in a big-girl bed in her new big girl room. I was given the advice to start her in a big bed sooner than later so she doesn't feel competition with the baby. This made sense to me, so we went ahead and did it.
We excitedly ordered the furniture when she was with us at the store; she seemed to like climbing up onto the bed and looking around from up "high."
We got to work back home and replaced the ugly carpet in the room with oak wood flooring to match her old room. After much deliberation, we decided to paint the room the same color as her old one. I was gonna do a melon/orangey pink color but it just didn't feel right.
Anyhoo, the day the bed was delivered was quite exciting and she took ownership right away. She kept saying "big girl room!" and "my bed!". We'd talked about getting her new room for quite a while so I know she was ready for it. A few days later, when it was time for her to sleep in her bed for the first time, Chris took her crib apart. Before he did, we had Paige go in the room and say "thank you" for being such a good crib and to say "bye bye." She patted the crib and said "bye bye" and "thank you." She also gave it a kiss, which made my throat tighten. We explained that it's a baby's bed and she's not a baby anymore so it had to go to a baby who needed it (of course, we are keeping it and storing it for the next baby).

After her goodbyes, I took her downstairs and Chris hid the crib in our closet. When she came back up to get ready for bed, she went in the old room and noticed the crib was gone and looked puzzled. I said "remember? crib had to go to baby's house!" and she said "oh" and sort of shrugged and went about her evening like nothing happened. This was a nice trick for her to visually see that the crib was no longer an option for sleeping. We went about our normal routine; just in her new room instead. She was thrilled to sleep in her new room and she slept great! I was terrified she'd keep getting up or would cry, etc. but she just fell asleep like normal. Phew! Another milestone under her belt (and mine). I'll admit, I cried a little bit. But I'm so proud of our girl. She's taking all these changes in stride and that's a huge deal. Hooray!

"Owl is in the tree!!!!"

"Tree!!!!"

15 weeks 4 days

2011-08-16T09:54:00.004-04:00

Hi friends!
Well, I've been away for a bit, eh? So much has been happening here and it's been so hard to keep up with it all!
deep breath...
Firstly, thank you so much for your kind words on our last post! We are pretty pumped about the wee one on the way. To answer the many questions I've gotten: I'm currently 15 weeks and 4 days as I write this (and feeling good!). Our due date is February 3rd (so I'm pretty much assuming an end of January birth). I'm finally not feeling sick anymore and my tiredness has lifted enough so that I can function. It was baaaaaaad. I was pretty much on the couch full time. Poor Little P had a lot to cope with, since she needs a LOT of structured play to flourish. Those harder times are finally behind us though, so onward and upward!
The whole pregnancy was a pleasant and welcome surprise. It's funny; we had just decided to wait a few more months to try but lo and behold I found out I was pregnant a mere few days later after that discussion. ha! A true blessing after going through everything we did to bring Little P to us. Not a day goes by that I'm not grateful or shocked by the miracle happening. I'll admit, the first few weeks had me terrified. I was worried about how I would handle the sleepless nights with a new baby AND still be alert for Paige. How would I handle Paige's special needs AND care for a newborn? How would it all happen???!!! I felt pretty panicked. But, as time has gone by I've relaxed and realized that everything always falls into place as it needs to. And we can always try to hire a mother's helper or something here and there in those first few months if I need a bit of extra sleep in the morning or something. Time to save up!! Anyway, now I'm feeling much more calm.

In other news, which I'll share more in upcoming posts, is Paige is now sleeping in a big-girl bed in her new big girl room. *tear* It's been going wonderfully and has been much easier than I thought it would be. I'm still working on finishing up the decorating in there; but it's mostly done. I plan to do a post about the bed, and a separate post sharing her new room with you! The baby will go in Paige's old room. We have plans to freshen it up and make it new for the next wee one.

AND (on another note) we've made some great strides in meeting Paige's sensory seeking needs and have created some therapy swings from scratch for our own house. I plan to do a post with photos of the swings and how we made them in case anyone else is interested. I'll also write about what Paige was needing and how the swings satisfy that need...and thus help her focus, learn, improve her speech and her motor skills. It's been fascinating to watch.

We've been busy! But it's a good kind of busy, so I can't complain. It's just a lot going on at once and sometimes I feel like I'm buried and flailing around. But Little P starts her intensive ABA/Floortime therapy today with her new facilitators so I'm going to start having more free time on my hands to get things done around the house and maybe start creating art again. Silver lining!!!

Thank you again for your well-wishes and we are doing well! Thanks for those who have asked or who were concerned. Looks like I will finally have some more time to do some proper posting around here! Yay! Be well!!!

Big News!

2011-07-30T13:18:00.001-04:00

What we've been up to

2011-07-29T12:28:00.002-04:00

Life's a beach. I had to catch her movements for posterity. I need to remember each little step.

Poopaggedon

2011-07-20T09:02:00.002-04:00

Ok, so anyone with a baby or toddler knows the fear of taking their kiddo to the pool or pond in terms of them wearing a swimmie diaper. What if there's a poop? And what if it, GASP, leaks?
Well, it happened to us over the weekend. And it was all the nightmare I thought it would be and more.
*sigh*
We were visiting my in-laws in Connecticut and we decided to take the kids to the pool and kiddie pool at their fancy country club. Paige loves it there. The kiddie pool is all fenced in, clean, large, and had lots of lounge chairs under a covered area for the moms to relax under while keeping watch. It's only 12 inches in the deepest part so kids love to frolic. It's also has the kind of posh clientele I'm just not used to. At all. I always feel so sketchy there, like a frumpy dork. So, that sets the tone for the story.
After an hour of splashing and mock swimming, I noticed Paige was getting extra vigorous in the water....standing up and then throwing herself backwards onto her butt (wrestling style) so there would be huge splashes around her. She did it a bunch. And then she came out of the pool and did it on the concrete pool deck. That's when I saw them...2 "bunny balls" came flying out the top of her diaper and landed on the deck. I saw it in slow motion like in the movies. I ran over and said, "awww shit shit shit!!!" And began scrambling to pick it up with baby wipes. My heart was RACING. A woman in a fancy straw hat and caftan nearby said "It's in the pool too! I have to tell the lifeguards!" (she said it with such disdain and disgust it reminded of me of first grade when some little douchebag said "I'm gonna tell on you!") Anyway, I look in the pool and there were a few floating bunny balls so I dove right in and scooped out what I could see.
Cue the lifguard who told us all we had to leave the kiddie pool so that they could add more chlorine and such...it would have to be closed for the next hour. (Up until this year, it would have been closed for the DAY, but the health codes have changed).
The other moms seemed annoyed by the inconvenience and gave me the hairy eyeball. I did go around and apologize to each of them. Luckily most said "hey, it happens." But none were happy or tried to make me feel any better.
Sweating and heart-racing, I brought P to the changing room to take care of business and it was THE BIGGEST FRIGGIN POOP SHE HAS EVER DONE. AAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHH!!! *cue the horror movie music.*
I ripped off the damned diaper and shit landed everywhere. Then I noticed it was up her swim shirt, all over the swim bottoms, up the front, etc. Let's just say I was freaking the hell out and began to shake. I mean, I'm in the Taj Mahal of changing rooms. What if someone came in and saw the poo-scene from hell? I worked quickly but it took about 20 minutes to clean Paige, clean the area, and restore peace. In a dose of luck, nobody came over where we were to witness the scene. Thank you, Lord.
Paige was in great spirits during all of this and I could barely keep her still. She was wriggling, dancing, moving around. She made the poo mess so much worse.
*sigh again*
When it was all said and done, I wanted to pass out. But the pool re-opened at noon and we sheepishly re-entered the kiddie pool. Sure, I wanted to melt into the pool deck and die after I heard people talking about it later on. "Did you hear the pool was closed? Gross!" Or the little kids "I heard a kid pooped in the pool, eeeeeeeew!" etc. etc.

Note to self: Try to wait for your kid to poop BEFORE you go to the pool. If possible.

Thank you

2011-07-18T11:52:00.004-04:00

Here is Paige playing pretend all by herself (a big deal for her!) She set up the figures in the chair all on her own and got out her little spoon and began "feeding" the figures from the picnic on the little table. I couldn't resist taking a photo of it. Up until now, I've had to assist, encourage, and facilitate this kind of playing.

I wanted to thank everyone for their kind comments of support on my last post; it felt good to feel the strength coming from you guys! I appreciate your kind words and advice; it is so heart-warming and uplifting. Thank you!!!

We are in a holding pattern on our end as we wait to hear from the place about giving Paige the hours of intervention she needs; I'm hoping to start as soon as possible so we don't keep losing time. There's a lot of hurry up and wait that goes on. It can get frustrating! In the meantime, we are enjoying the summer. We've been enjoying swimming the most I would say. Paige is going to be a little fish one day. I'm a horrible swimmer, so hopefully she got Chris' swimming genes.

I turned 33 the other day, and to celebrate we went and saw the new Harry Potter movie; which I loved. I liked all the books AND the movies. I sure did love that last movie though...very exciting! Don't you love a good movie? I want to go and see it in 3d now too. I guess that makes me a dork; so be it. At least I didn't dress up in costume for it. Although I don't blame those that do. To each their own!

Among my birthday gifts, Chris gave me a night at a fancy resort in Ogunquit, Maine (a Sunday to Monday) to go by myself and luxuriate at the spa, sleep when I want, eat when and where I want, and read. I plan to lay by the pool and read when I'm not sleeping or eating. LOL. He's such a good egg; he knew I needed a little space and time to myself and he delivered. What a nice surprise it was, and I can't wait to go! Now I just hope for good weather! Although, they have beautiful indoor spaces to enjoy if it's raining and it would be just as relaxing.

I can't stop daydreaming about it.

So, there's the update for now! I'll be back tomorrow to tell you about a recent experience I have dubbed "Poopaggedon." How's that for a cliff-hanger?

The Road Bends

2011-07-13T09:02:00.003-04:00

Hi friends!

Last week we brought Paige to see a developmental pediatrician (after months of waiting for the appointment). She was diagnosed with PDD-NOS (an autism spectrum disorder). Even though we were prepared, it still felt like a shock when the doctor said those words. You can only prepare so much until something becomes real. You know?
The doctor told us more about it. Pervasive Developmental Disorder is the overarching umbrella (soon to simply be called Autism Spectrum Disorder). Underneath it are a few different disorders including Autistic Disorder, Asperger syndrome, and Pervasive developmental disorder-not otherwise specified (what Paige has). It's a developmental disorder, but she doesn't fit in the autism category nor does she fit in the asperger category. So, she's in a short of "catch-all" category. Her delays were found to be in communication and social skills. Her academics/cognitive skills seem to be ahead, so that is helpful for her. The doctor recommended between 10 and 15 hours per week of floortime treatment with a behavioral specialist (who comes to our house) in addition to her 3 hours of Early Intervention treatments. sigh. It's a lot. I have to figure out how to fit it all in. It could be worse, but still isn't something you plan on, you know?
It's not what we pictured.
The social worker who coordinates Paige's "case" told me a story a mother of an autistic child shared with her. She said that finding out your child is autistic is a little like you were planning on a trip to Paris. You pack, you plot, you plan and you get your tickets. You fly across the globe in excitement. The plane lands and you find yourself in Amsterdam. It wasn't what you planned. It is a cool place, and ends up being a blast. But it just wasn't what you'd imagined your trip would be. But it ends up working out and you have a great time.
I'm so happy that Paige is going to be getting the extra help she needs to make the connections she needs to make. The doctor is confident that she will flourish with this additional therapy and that perhaps her disorder will be undetectable by the time she begins school. Here's hoping!
I'm just sad that our precious Little P has this challenge placed on her little shoulders. But she's so happy-go-lucky and loves having everyone come to play with her all the time. She certainly doesn't see it as a hassle; she doesn't know any different.
We've had family members asking for clarification on what Paige's main challenges are. She seems so typical to most. Among some other things, she has trouble "generalizing her skills." She HAS the skills she needs but has trouble using them in a quality and effective way in terms of communicating her needs and wishes. Her learning, her play skills, etc. are affected. I came up with a metaphor to further clarify. Imagine you have a piece of wood with a nail in it and someone shows you how to drive in the nail with a hammer. Now, imagine you ALSO have a rock and a mallet, but someone takes away the hammer. NOW how do you drive in the nail? Most people would automatically make the connection that you can use the rock or mallet to drive in the nail. But Little P would likely sit there and stare at the tools and not understand that she can ALSO use those to do her work. The house doesn't get built without the hammer. Until someone comes and SHOWS her that she can use the rock or mallet. Then she's all set. Would she make the connection eventually? Probably. But it would take a long time (thus causing delays). So, people will be coming to help teach her about making these connections through play. The hope is that soon she will be able to make these connections all by herself without extra help. They will also be helping her with her communication skills and general play skills (that pave the way for future learning).
In the meantime, I'm still wrapping my head around this whole thing and wondering what the future will bring. We will make lemonade out of lemons; that I can be certain of. The other thing I can be certain of? How much I love Little P to the moon and back. That she is the best thing to ever happen to us. And that none of this changes how wonderful, special and perfect she is. She's our little star and we're so lucky she's ours.

Writing Style

2011-07-01T15:02:00.003-04:00

Hi friends!
I've totally abandoned this space, it seems. sigh. Well, we've been enjoying the summer in these parts! We got a membership at a local pool so that Paige can go and splash around to her heart's content; and the rest of the time has been spent in her therapies or going to playdates (or running errands and playing) The time just seems to fly and get away from me!
In case you missed it, I added an update to my last post about my toy reduction experiment. You'll see it went well and is something I plan to continue. For children with sensory processing issues, it seems to help the "overwhelm factor" to a minimum. Love it!
Onto what's on my mind:
When I noticed I hadn't written in a while, I took some time to think about why that is. Aside from being generally busy and too tired to make it a priority, I think it also has to do with the fact that I've been struggling to figure out what my writing voice should be here. I want to sound like myself here, but also don't want to offend people. I want to inspire and uplift and not turn anyone off. But, at the same time, I like to joke around, swear, and complain in a funny way about things. I have found that I censor myself all the time and I end up feeling like this blog doesn't always feel like MINE. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. I want to come to this space and say things the way I think them and stop trying to make it sound like someone else wrote it. Do you know what I mean? I can't keep trying to please everyone. I'd like to start making it markedly MY OWN and add the candid silliness that I crave. It's my creative outlet, after all. So, that's what I'm gonna do. Sound like a plan? OK, that said, I will be back here soon. Hopefully the posts will be more frequent and more ME.

Dinosaurs!

2011-06-10T19:56:00.004-04:00

Hi friends!
It's been pretty quiet in these parts. I'm having trouble thinking of things to blog about, so I tend to not blog. I can't force it, ya know? Some people have such clever posts every single day and I gotta hand it to 'em! I'm just not that introspective (or maybe I am but it's nothing I think anyone would find interesting). I think there are things brewing that I can write about later down the line, but for now things are percolating.
This evening, I was thinking about how the living room has become a menagerie of Paige's toys. I'm sure many people can relate or understand how that happens. She hasn't been engaging with any one toy for any real length of time and I have to theorize it's because there are too many in one place for her to focus on one? We cleaned out the living room because the carpet needed to get a thorough once-over due to sippy cup juice dots everywhere (thanks Stanley Steamer!). Paige ran around the empty-besides-furniture room with such glee. She pretended to fly like a bird in all that empty space. She looked so much more free. I decided to only bring a spare few back in and rotate them on a regular basis. How regular? Beats the hell out of me. Daily? Sometimes weekly? I guess it depends how ambitious I'm feeling in the evening to set up new toys. I'm sort of already giggling at myself.
After I put Paige in bed tonight (Chris is playing softball through work tonight) I brought out her dinosaurs and the toys that have to do with them. (She has a little obsession right now with dinos.) I figured I might as well make it a theme. I put them on the tiles in front of our fireplace and tried to make them look inviting.

I included the figures, some books, a puzzle, a coloring/sticker book and her safari hat for "dinosaur hunting." She was recently gifted a remote-control dinosaur as a belated birthday gift and she loves it. I also put out her Little People airplane (maybe they can fly to Jurassic Park? or Dino Island?) and her little Ostheimer snail and grass just for fun and to add variety.

This way, when she comes into the room, she will see everything in one place and focus on just those toys thus giving us a jumping point for joint play since everything is together in a theme. We'll see how it goes tomorrow. It could all be a bust, so be it.
I want to see if her quality of play improves and if she is able to engage with us for longer stretches of time. Longer and better engagement equals more quality learning and absorbing our social cues and language. Fun for us while fun & educational for her! My plan is to rotate those toys out daily (if they are on a specific theme like this) or every 3 or 4 days if they are more varied in theme. I'm also hoping this makes her more excited about her toys since they'll seem new to her each time. Secretly, it will make it more fun for me too because it's easier to come up with clever play ideas with fewer toys and they'll seem new to ME.
My next theme involves putting her Little People Farm out with all her books about farm animals and stuffed animals that belong on a farm. We can color animal pictures and sing farm songs. She also has a little tractor and hitch to give the animals rides. If it's nice, we can go to a nearby farm or petting zoo.
Another idea involves marine animals with all of the same types of toys listed in the farm idea, but obviously in the marine/sea life theme. We can even look at You Tube videos of animals and sea creatures that match her stuffed animals/toys she has. For example, she has a little stuffed dolphin her Nana and Grampa had given her. Well, I can then have her hold it while we read a book that has dolphins in the story. And then we can look at some videos that involve dolphins in their natural environments so she can understand them more. Perhaps there is a dolphin song we can sing. See what I mean? The same goes for her little stuffed turtle or her little rubber snake, etc.
In the end, her therapists and we her parents have a goal that involves helping Paige engage in open-ended pretend play on her own. Many children come to pretend and symbolic play very naturally without intervention; but that hasn't been the case for us. We hope that exposing her to lots of different ideas and learning a lot about her own toys will help her accomplish this.
I'll let you know how the experiment goes. Is this sort of thing something you've ever considered? Is this something everyone does and I have just missed the boat?

***UPDATE***6/20/11
The dinosaur set up went over pretty well! She liked it and engaged much more deeply with the few toys that were there for her. She most loved the "Safari" we set up. She would have us wear the safari hat and hide all the dinosaurs around the room. Then, she'd have to hunt for them. She would say "Asari!" (safari) over and over until we hid them. I took down that play scene after 2 days and replaced them with a Playmobil zoo set of animals/props and a few other gizmos. She's been playing with that for more than a week now and she's been doing great. I think the secret to better interest and deeper play has been to put out just a few choices of toys. She spends way more time engrossed in play compared to how she used to. This is a change we will stick with! Now, I just need to hold up my end of the bargain and rotate everything out soon!

Here we are

2011-05-23T18:30:00.004-04:00

Hi friends!
Just wanted to check in and say hello; not too much new going on around here. I found this cool mobile here (the large version...and it says it's paper but the patterns look to be fabric glued onto paper?) and Chris installed it in P's playroom. The whole thing swings in circles and it creates a cool effect of fluttering butterflies around the sky.

Paige is busy reading about important topics.

And she's been "brushing" up on her hygiene basics.

Otherwise, we've been busy with her Occupational Therapy and Developmental Therapy appointments. It's been raining almost every day which is causing us great cabin fever! I'm looking forward to June and its "stable" weather. All is well here and we are so grateful.

Nutty Nutterton

2011-05-16T12:54:00.003-04:00

Here's a snippet from a fun day. She want on to laugh in her crib for about a half hour during her "nap." I could hear her saying "nutty nutty" to herself through chuckles. It's a different day as I write this and she's chattering away in her crib...not napping as she should be. She sang the bye-bye song to her belongings (bye-bye curtain, it's time to go home now, etc.) and is making declarations about things. I can't make out what she's saying; but she definitely sounds sure about it.

Spring gardening

2011-05-14T19:45:00.004-04:00

Hi friends!
A little while ago we were cleaning up the yard. I'm no gardener, but decided to get a few little cheapy buckets at Target to fill with soil and plant generic flowers that attract butterflies and hummingbirds. I punched a hole or few in the bottom of each bucket with an awl and away we went. The project was really for Paige...an activity that we could do together and she can watch her plants grow; and so far she enjoys checking out their progress each day.

Also, check out the cool gardening stuff my friend Sue (and Paige's Godmother) got/made for her as her birthday gift: pink rubber boots, pink gardening gloves in her size (!!!), pink metal gardening tools including watering can, a board book about "planting a rainbow", and she made a really cute canvas tool belt to hold all the tools. Isn't it neat?

We decided to give Paige her own "bit of earth" (sorry, I had to steal the lingo from The Secret Garden) so she could freely dig, and plant things without worrying about the layout or how it looked. It's her patch to do what she wants and muck around in. She's still not very interested in digging around or getting dirty in it yet but I'm sure it will change as she gets older. We put the area next to her playhouse to give it that cottage garden feel. hee hee! I'm thinking I'll let her pick out her own flower seeds to throw in there and see what happens. In another year or two we'll try carrots or something like that.

Paige enjoys her tools and likes watering her own plants. She seems to burst with pride when she gets to do things on her own, so lately I've been really trying to allow her to do as much as possible by herself. I intervene to show her how if she gets stuck; but I'm trying to let her figure things out on her own. She's even now obsessed with the book "All By Myself" by Mercer Mayer. She's definitely hitting the "I do it" time, so I want to be as encouraging as possible. My baby is growing!

Mother's Day 2011

2011-05-08T19:20:00.003-04:00

Hi there friends!
I thought I'd share some photos from my Mother's Day with you. Chris asked what I wanted to do; so I told him I'd like to go to the Old North Bridge in nearby Concord, MA to walk around and have a picnic. It's located in the Minuteman National Park. It is also the locale of the "Shot Heard 'Round the World and the beginning of the Revolutionary War. It's a beautiful area filled with walking paths, lush gardens and beautiful scenery at every turn. It's one of my very favorite places to go. We lucked out and had lovely weather...yay! Paige got to run anywhere she wanted and we had a blast taking pictures and just walking all around. Thanks to Chris and Paige for making it so special. I had fun.
I love you both so much! Happy Mother's Day to my own Mama. She puts up with my constant phone calls where I'm worried about some such thing or another. She always makes me see the light and knows how to make me feel so much better. Thanks again Mom! You are the best!!

Easter 2011

2011-05-07T17:06:00.002-04:00

I know it's pretty late, but I had to put some favorite Easter photos up on the ol' blog for the sake of posterity. I didn't think Paige would understand the egg hunt. But the Easter bunny came in the morning and Paige figured it right out. We went to Paige's cousin's house later in the day and there was another egg hunt there! She became mildly obsessed with hunting for eggs; so we'll have to write to the Easter Bunny in hopes he will hide even more on Easter morning next year.

Here is a video of Paige's Easter Bunny egg hunt. We tell her to look for eggs and says a balloon is an egg. She then finds an egg that was a Playmobil toy, but I didn't want to correct her since I DID say to find the eggs. The rest was smooth sailing. I would say my favorite thing about this video is the victory gallop she does after each find, along with the scream of "egg!!" I love this girl.

Party on!

2011-05-05T18:35:00.004-04:00

It's waaaaaay overdue, but figured I'd post some pictures from Paige's birthday party. We had it on a Saturday the week before she turned 2 and invited her little buddies from her playgroups. (about 3 or 4 other toddlers were in attendance). Her close family also came to celebrate; we had lots of brunch food and chose to do it between 10am-noon. That way, the kiddos could go home for their naps and not be overwhelmed from a long party. It proved to be just right and they all seemed to have fun running around playing. It was pouring rain outside, so we just put out some toy "stations" and let the kids go to it. I put out some dollar-store wooden masks and washable markers for the kids to decorate with, but they were mostly interested in just playing. Glad we kept things simple! Paige seemed to have great fun and had a lovely long nap afterward. I still can't believe she is two. sigh.

This is Paige's outfit and hair. She went barefoot. This is as fancy as she gets.

This is "Rocky." My parents gifted this beautiful cherry wooden duck rocker to Paige. My Dad's friend from work designed and made it! He used wood from a tree that had fallen on another friend's land. I love that. It is huge; Paige's feet barely touch and she's very tall. I love that she can grow into it as she loves it already and rocks at different times through the day...most rockers are too small for her. You can't see, but it has a gorgeous natural wooden seat that just gleams. We imagine that Rocky will be well loved and we hope one day our own grandchildren will enjoy him. (*tear*)

Here Paige is getting sung "Happy Birthday." She was enjoying a cracker at the time.

Obligatory family shot. She's wondering who these clowns are who keep bothering her while she has her delicious cupcake.

Cupcake goodness. Nom nom nom.

After her nap, Paige opened her gifts. This wooden train was gifted to her by Chris' parents. Another great heirloom toy keepsake. Paige loves it; the box car in the back has a sliding door and she can put things inside. The circus car has a gate at the back that lifts up and again, she can put her little animals inside it. The engine for the front has a little peg that is removable that is the train conductor. She loves pushing it all over the house and it rolls very easily. Check it out here. You can choose from a plethora of different train cars and even add to it for different holidays and birthdays. It's hand made by a friendly artisan...I find that super cool.

Here we are opening a present. She was saying "Woooooooow!" I have to laugh at the post-nap wild hair from having taken out the two pigtails...hee hee.

AND HERE ARE SOME LITTLE DETAILS:

I got little drawstring bags and bought iron-on inkjet transfer paper. I designed alphabet letters for each party guest's first name, ironed them on and presto! Customized favor bags. Inspired by this. (although mine aren't as cool)

Our "theme" was "Animals on Parade." Chris had given me these cupcake toppers for Christmas and I based the party around them. They were made by Meri Meri, and I found a whole line of party decor based on them. We even used their invitations. I could have made everything myself but I'm just not that ambitious these days.

We stuck a banner on the mantel.

And we stuck a banner in the middle of the kitchen over the island.

I couldn't forget to use the banner from her first birthday...it will make an appearance each year.

We also included tons and tons of balloons everywhere (pink, yellow, and a teal blue) to add to the festive feel. Hope you enjoyed our mini show from her party! I left out all the photos of the guests to protect privacy; but if you've been to one family/kid party you've been to them all. :)
A big thank you to everyone who came to celebrate with Little P! We had fun with you!

Two!

2011-04-28T20:26:00.004-04:00

Dear Little P.,

Today you turned two.

TWO!!! (That's what you're saying in the picture and trying to put up 2 fingers, haha)

I feel like I've been waiting for this day forever! I guess I've just been excited to celebrate and buy you fun presents. It's the joy of being able to spoil you before you can be spoiled...I love it! I've been wondering what to write for this letter and thinking of what grandiose thoughts I could put forth and just couldn't come up with anything that seemed worthy or fitting of this day. So, I guess I'll simply tell you that I love you and am so proud of all you are becoming and all that you are right now. I wouldn't change a thing about you; you are a magnificent creature of God and I'm blessed to be your Mama.
What a wild year we have had! You've mastered the art of walking, running, galloping, speeding up and down hills, walking the balance beam, kicking the ball and throwing the ball, and even hitting a giant golf ball with your giant golf club. You've started to speak and communicate and you have wonderful articulation! You've been working hard for months now on mastering your skills of communication, speech, engagement, and social repartes. You are doing so great with it all and we couldn't be more proud. You really enjoy going to your Gymboree class once per week; it's a chance to flex your motor skills and run free. You've been making lots of little friends there and it's fun to see. Your other favorite outing is your Kindermuzik class. I tend to doubt there is any other time when you are so happy as when you are there. You LOVE all the little dances and games and songs. The glee and joyful dancing you put forth prove that it's your favorite thing to do; so I'll have to sign you up again for the next classes they offer! Some of your favorite things to do include: play doh, digging in the sand, collecting leaves in the fall, splashing in the bathtub, finding eggs we hide all around the room (an Easter activity that lives on even after the Easter Bunny has come), coloring with crayons and markers on your easel, directing us to make you a "clue" with crayons (making pawprints and coloring them in Blues Clues fashion), drawing faces on the easel as you direct us (eyes! mouth! ears! hair! sad! happy! etc.), swinging on the swing, rolling on your yoga ball to row,row, row your boat, singing the ABCs (the only song you really dance to), roaring with your toy dinosaurs, putting puzzles together, playing with your Dollies, and your number one favorite thing....READING BOOKS. You LOVE to sit in our laps and listen to stories. You never tire of it. And when we are busy, you are often found to have a book in your lap as you "read" aloud to yourself. I'm glad you enjoy reading time; it's a favorite of mine too. I like sharing the same interests with you; it makes me feel even closer to you.
Today your Daddy stayed home from work so he could be with you and play with you too. We had a wonderful time together. You opened a few gifts this morning and then we got dressed and went to the Butterfly Place. You have had a runny nose, so we canceled the plans to go to Gymboree. You didn't seem to mind. We also had intended to take you to the zoo, but the weather wasn't on our side either. There were lots of scattered showers and thunderstorms that thwarted our intentions. We'll go soon sweetie, I promise. You enjoyed the Butterfly Place and didn't even try to grab or squish any of them.

You just sort of marveled at the sight of them fluttering everywhere. We got you your very own set of butterfly wings in the gift shop. I let you choose the color and you surprised us by saying "pink." Your favorite color is usually blue, but you didn't want those ones. So, we put the pink ones on you once we got outside and you galloped around like you owned the place.

We then took you to lunch at our favorite Chinese/Japanese food restaurant. Your favorite food is their Beef Lo Mein, so we thought eating there for your birthday lunch would be a hit. As usual, you wolfed in your lunch with so much satisfaction and that's all we could ask for. After your nap, we went to the free zoo (PetSmart) and looked at all the critters. You were thrilled! But not as thrilled as when we went to Friendly's to get sundaes afterward.

You said your first sentence ever on the way home..."I Love Ice Cream!" You said it many, many, many times over. It's also something we didn't even have to teach you to say. You just said it out of the blue by yourself while we were in the car. You've never said "I Love YOU" but that's FINE. Hmph. It will come. For now you love ice cream. I wish I was ice cream. hee!!!
Don't worry, I know you love me. You show me every day, and for that I am so lucky.
After we got home, you had more gifts to open (a big hit!), dinner and your cupcake, and then you helped me make your cupcakes for your playgroup tomorrow.

(you got a new apron for your birthday!)

Phew! What a day! It is quiet in your room right now, so I know you are drifting off to dreamland on this first day of being 2. I hope it was as fun for you as it was for us. I'm so proud of you my precious girl. You are so good at being YOU and you seem so proud to be that way. I love that.
Happy Birthday my sweetie P, I'm so lucky to know you much less be your Mama. Here's to a delightful and fabulous year ahead.
Love you always and forever more,
Mama

Your cool new book which you are enamored with...

Your new zoo set (from the Playmobil 1-2-3 line for toddlers).

A few Ostheimer toys that you loved. You kept saying "Mama!" "Baby!" "Mama!" "Baby!" (there was a big elephant and a little one)

Look Maren! See my new giraffe!?

Enjoying the fancy new book

Goodnight Boston! Tip your servers! (You love this new Glockenspiel and we love the sounds it makes so it's a win-win).

Belly

2011-04-27T13:32:00.003-04:00

Dear Little P.,

Today is the last day that you are one year old. I can't help erupting into tears now that I've written that. I'm happy you are turning two; I just wish I could keep you small and innocent and wanting to be near me forever. But I know you don't belong to me; you are a child of God and I'm here to try my hardest to show you how to be the best YOU can be. For now, I'm savoring all the littlest moments with you. In light of that, I decided to take some pictures of your little belly. It's one of my very favorite things and I know you will grow up and this belly just won't be the same anymore. So, selfishly, I took pictures of it and am documenting it here so I can always look at it and marvel over your cuteness. Thanks for humoring me and allowing it.
Love you madly,
Mama

another

2011-04-15T13:56:00.003-04:00

Hi friends!
It's finally starting to seem like spring around these parts! Phew! It was getting depressing...all the cold and darkness and snow and whatnot. I'm now staring at some budding trees and a blue sky. Jiggety jig!
I've been fielding questions as of late...the "when are you going to have another kid" question to be exact. I wish I had a firm answer. I just have no idea. I get pangs now and again...the pang that says that babies are so cute and cuddly and warm. Then I get another pang that reminds me of the work, the elusive sleep, the commitment. Not that I'm not already committed, but you know what I mean. Two is more than one and all that jazz.
The truth is, a big part of me is terrified to go into trying to have another baby. I mean, Paige was our fifth pregnancy. I spent the first trimester in terror and fear. I spent every day shaking, sweating, nearly crying and I thought I could never go through that daily fear again. I was so grateful to be pregnant, but so terrified of something going wrong. I barely slept and didn't really relax until about my 7th month. It didn't help that I bled alot from a hematoma in there early on (nothing like bleeding to calm a pregnant woman's nerves). Anyway, it was a lot to go through and I'm not exactly chomping at the bit to go through all that again. (I won't even go into all the feelings I have with all the time and energy that Little P. needs right now as we learn about what we can do to help her developmentally. A baby thrown in the mix would certainly add another level of chaos.) I wonder "what if I have another loss? And another? Can I really go through it again?" Deep down, I know the answer is a resounding "yes." Paige has proven to me that every scary step is well worth it. Paige, when she was an angel, tried many times to get to me. Her future body was just having a hard time forming. And when it finally did, she came to be with us and we will forever be linked as Mama and daughter. How can I not give her a brother or sister to romp with here on earth? Another angel waiting in the wings for an earthly body. I'm scared, but I know I can do it. I may not know our next angel personally yet, but I know I love him or her and want to give them a home to come to. Soon, dear angel...soon. Please know that I will try my best but I have no control. That I am scared. That it may take a while. That I just need a little more bravery to come my way. In the meantime, I hope you are enjoying your heavenly garden in all its splendor.

Photo time

2011-04-04T19:29:00.003-04:00

I've been ranting and raving on here without much photo love. So, here are some shameless photos of Paige being cute from one day outside in March (a warm-ish day we had JUST before Rotavirus hell hit us). I love the one where her mind is blown over the pine cone. I need to get that happy about something, stat.

Finding the Key

2011-04-02T08:09:00.006-04:00

Hi there!
Ugh, we had SNOW for the past 2 days. YUCK! We never seem to have much of a spring around here. It always seems to go from winter to summer overnight; perhaps 3 weeks of a spring at best. I'll keep my sights set on the end of May for that to happen, ha!
I promised to share some insights regarding Little P's speech and such so I thought for this post I would focus on a discovery I made. Paige had begun her weekly therapies and I wanted to know what more I could do during the rest of the time with her to help her move forward. Her therapist gave me little things to work on, but it never seemed like much when I had the whole week alone with my daughter at my disposal. Internet searches usually turned up empty (READ TO YOUR KID! NARRATE YOUR DAY!!! really? I'd been doing that and it wasn't really helping us along.) I finally found a WEALTH of information and tips at Teach Me to Talk. It is a website run by Laura Mize, pediatric speech language pathologist with over 15 years experience and thousands of hours helping toddlers learn to communicate. Her goal is to help parents work with their toddlers at home on their own or in addition to the therapies they are getting through early intervention services or autism services.
I ended up reading all of the blog entries in the all of the sections of the website and I learned SO MUCH. From there, I ended up ordering the Teach Me to Talk DVD and the Teach Me to Play WITH You book. The DVD was very helpful for me in that it shows clips of Laura working with her clients and how she works her magic. It's useful to see her methods in action. It's not for the children to watch...it's a DVD for the parent to watch and learn from. The book was also helpful for me in that it is filled with ideas for finger plays, social games, and lists the best toys all for enhancing language development. These games are tailored for toddlers who have delays, so I was thrilled that Little P could actually participate in these...they weren't over her head or beyond her abilities.
Aside from the wealth of written information on the website, Laura also does podcasts! You can see that section on her website. I went over there via I-Tunes and began to take my pick of shows depending on what topic seemed to fit our needs. There were several! I've spent many an evening listening to a show or two. I found them helpful and fun to listen to.
If you are looking to enhance your child's speech or feel concerned about their development Teach Me to Talk is a great place to start finding some support and help. (If you are concerned about a possible delay of any kind in your child, I highly recommend having a free evaluation by your state's early intervention program. No reason to drag your feet! It's great to start as soon as possible to rule out potential issues or target the area your little one may need a bit of help with. It will only help your child and give you peace of mind. Like my friend and Little P's Godmommy said: You wouldn't wait to see the pediatrician if you thought your child had a serious illness; you would take them in to get checked out.

I have to say, the clip from the website that first caught my attention and changed the whole game for me was this one.

I noticed how FUN she was making playtime. Laura demonstrated a lot of energy and the toddler was so engaged. Maybe I needed to really ramp up our playtime to that level of fun and energy to get Little P to notice me? I tried it, and it worked. Paige was watching me (finally!) and we were having fun together. I ordered the DVD so I could watch different scenarios...it was about an hour long and touched on issues for children who have trouble engaging or listening as well. We now play in a concentrated engaged way for a minimum of an hour per day (spread through the day) but I try to tally in as much as 3 hours of engaged time per day if I can. We've been working our way up to that amount. It can be tiring and challenging to stay that energetic for such a huge chunk of time, but it helps to spread it out. Chris also participates when he comes home from work...he engages and plays for stretches of time with her after dinner and during her bath time. Every moment together with her presents an opportunity to be fun, playful, and learn language in the process (meal times, grocery store, errands, diaper changes). In turn, it has also done wonders for our mother/daughter relationship.
Anyway, changing the way we play has been instrumental for our changes so I wanted to share!
I hope people find Teach Me to Talk as helpful as we did! I'll be back soon to share more. Enjoy your weekend friends!!!!

This Just In...

2011-03-31T12:39:00.003-04:00

Alert! Alert! Paige just pooped in her potty for the first time! She also got to hold a book and have me read her "Little Pea" during said poop. When she was finished, she said "Bye Bye!!" to the poop as it was flushed down the toilet. After much dancing and jubilation, she got to choose a special Hello Kitty puffy sticker to wear on her sleeve, which will go on a chart I make tonight after she goes to bed. She got to call her Daddy at work and said "A poo-poo!" when I told her to tell Daddy what she did.
And that is the end of this special Alert. Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.

What you talkin' 'bout?

2011-03-28T18:07:00.004-04:00

Hi friends! I've missed you!

I'm back in this space, hopefully more regularly! I've been sick pretty much constantly these past few months and have just plain been worn out. I've had a lot on my mind and you know how that happens and you seem SO MUCH MORE TIRED than normal and you just don't want to do anything extra? I'm waving my hand since that's been me for quite a while now.

Back in early December we decided to have Paige evaluated by our state's Early Intervention program. At that time, I'd spent a significant amount of time worrying about her lack of speech and her lack of interest in being with me or caring whether or not I was there. She spent a lot of time playing by herself, looking at books alone in the corner...generally keeping herself entertained all day. She seemed to wander from thing to thing without ever stopping for much time to really play with anything and never seemed to be able to focus on anything. When I spoke to her she never really looked at me or seemed to care about what I said. Her moments of eye contact were swift and fleeting. Now I know it's all called a "Lack of engagement." She could make the sounds of the animals and say "Dada" but couldn't say Mama or much of anything else that would be useful in her day. I wasn't as much worried about her speech in figuring that perhaps she was just going to be a "late talker," but it was the lack of interest and focus in anything that was starting to freak me out along with the fact that she wasn't trying to communicate via pointing or gesturing (which came not long after the evaluation, phew!)

The evaluators came out and it was a melee of women crammed in our play room as they watched Paige wander around and tried to get her to do different things. She ended up having very advanced gross and fine motor skills (well past 24 months and some things closer to age 3), and her cognitive skills were where they needed to be. But her expressive language (the words she says) and her receptive language (the words she UNDERSTANDS) were way behind. Meaning at a 10 month-old level. Paige was 19 months old at the time. They also noticed that she seemed to not be able to focus on things because she was too busy seeking out sensory experiences...she had to touch everything or chew on her doll or play in the bean box...and they hypothesized that THAT was why she was behind...she just couldn't organize herself enough to pay attention and learn from what was around her.

She was immediately assigned different therapies...a developmental specialist (DS) to help her work on social skills, eye contact, engagement, focus, etc. A speech therapist (a speech language pathologist) to help her develop her language skills. And an Occupational Therapist (OT) to help sort out her sensory needs and how to meet them so that she could focus on her tasks. She starting seeing the DS once per week (for one hour) and the others once per month (for one hour). Unfortunately, many snow days, illnesses on both sides and other challenges made the number of visits be dramatically less than planned so I can't quite yet say it has had a huge impact aside from the bits of advice they can share with me at the end of the visits.

But, I CAN say that through my own research, reading and studying I have figured out the best ways I can help Little P at home on my own time rather than waiting around. It may not be perfect, but it's something and it's consistent. In the beginning of January she had 10 words and as of yesterday (March 27th) she has 114 in her expressive vocabulary (words she can say without prompting). She is able to focus for huge lengths of time. She is able to follow directions now and point out anything in a book if I ask her. She is finally starting to mimic us...not just repeating words but also making faces we make in the mirror, silly dance moves, and other games (things she used to be unable to d0). She looks us in the eyes all the time now. She smiles and wants hugs and snuggles. She kisses us and says "night-night" at bedtime. She comes to me and clings to me through the day (which she never used to do). She has starting asking for things she needs and communicates her needs if she can't say the words (she never used to even point at things she wanted or needed...she'd just cry). She's a whole different kid in only 2-3 months' time! I can say that I believe that she's a late bloomer in hitting those certain milestones, but she hit them. My fears have finally subsided as she now acts like the other kids in her classes and even takes certain leadership. It's exciting since it wasn't long ago that she used to run away from the other kids and play alone in the corner and avoided everyone and everything at all costs. She certainly never could take direction or sit still. Now it's all different.

I've spent a minimum of one hour each day (usually closer to 3) of working with Little P. I've read a lot of texts about how to engage a child who is hard to engage. Our best method has involved PLAYING together in a concentrated way for several chunks of time through the day. The website Teach me to Talk has been monumental in teaching me HOW to play with Paige in a way that will engage her, keep her with me during play, and learn to enjoy being with me. In turn, she can LEARN from me (language, eye contact, fun, warmth, give and take, all sorts of social cues). We play with a variety of toys that are meant to draw lots of language opportunities out and it's worked like a charm. I've also learned lots of little social games that are fun. I can barely keep up now with the changes in her! Best of all, for me, is that Little P wants to be with me now and no longer insists on playing alone (she used to run away from me every time I tried to insert myself into her play). She always wants me nearby (which is the normal thing) and we enjoy a warm and loving relationship filled with rewarding moments and fun. I can't tell you how special that is when you missed it for so long. Little P. is able to express herself, share, and include me in her games. It's such a gift. I've also figured out what sensory activities Little P. craves and have learned to discern when she needs them through the day. She can focus and engage so well after a little time in her swing or squeezing the Play Doh...as examples.

In honesty, I spent a lot of time in the past crying and wondering why my daughter didn't seem to care if I was around. It was hard on me after all the struggle we went through to have her. (and I mean that in the way that we went through so much before we were lucky enough to have her and it felt like we'd already "paid our dues" in terms of challenges...of course that's not how life works)I felt such a bond WITH her but didn't always feel it FROM her. It's not to say she disliked me, she just didn't know how to engage with me in meaningful ways all of the time. She definitely had moments of needing me, connecting and enjoying my company. It just wasn't a deep and constant connection most people enjoy naturally with their kids. Now, that problem is long gone and I say GOOD RIDDANCE! I'll admit, sometimes now I get a little down that I have had to work so hard to have all of this happen (and will likely continue to do so). This stuff comes naturally without effort for most kids, and that's just not the case for us. It's been another challenge in my life that left me wondering "Why us?" We did everything "right." (I've learned that our kids come with their own special gifts, struggles, strengths and challenges and it has nothing to do with us as parents unless we are abusers and it's certainly not our kids' fault either...it's just what IS) I'm tired a lot and some days I just can't put in the effort to do so much extra. But, in whole, discovering how to engage Little P has changed our lives so drastically and thrillingly and I just had to write it here and share in case anyone else is going through a similar thing. We've gone through the tunnel and are coming out the other side. We are still on the road. Right now, things are exactly as they need to be and I feel really grateful.

Over the next while, I plan to write some posts about some of the activities and strategies that have worked well with Little P and her being a late talker/having a speech delay and what has helped her engage and enjoy relationships with the people in her life. Any experts out there, please know that my words are in layman terms and in no way am I trying to be scientific in this space. I'm simply sharing what I've been doing in my own words and leaving it at that. There are plenty of reference websites that go into more medical and scientific detail. Also, we are still in this journey and I'm not a doctor so I can't say I am an expert or that Paige is totally caught up on all fronts. I simply want to share what we've been doing since there's not a ton of information out there for the parent besides "read to your child" and "narrate what you do all day." (While those are great things, I DID them and continue to do so...it just didn't make much of a difference for us since P. needed MORE).

So that's what we've been up to for the past several months. I debated about not writing about it all here, but it's very therapeutic for me to share and I feel so many people can relate to my feelings. Little P. is doing so much better to the point where I personally feel she's getting caught up to where she should be now or will be very soon, and because of this, I wanted to share with others who might be wondering about a possible speech delay in their own children. There ARE little things you can do to help... starting NOW while you wait for those evaluations and answers or for time to pass until you can know more. Every child is different, so I can only speak about what we are up to and hope it can spur on an idea or two for you.

Wow. That was a long freakin' post. Sorry. But it's been a lot. Please know that I've missed being here and sharing our adventures. We're in a much better place and I have lots to tell so I'll so you in this space again VERY soon! Be well!

23 Months

2011-03-28T07:00:00.000-04:00

Your first pigtails!

Dear Little P.,

Today you are 23 months old! So close to being two! Your last month of being a 1 year old...I can't believe it. Sometimes I lay in bed at night and cry a little bit to myself, sniffling in the dark about how time slips right through my fingers and I can't seem to grasp it. I think about how having you in our lives has blessed us in the most complex and profound ways. Each day presents new challenges as we try and work together, you and me, to help you grow and flourish. I always end up realizing how happy you are and it always makes me feel better enough to sigh and fall asleep.
This past month you've discovered your social side as you notice how much fun others can really be. You smile and frolic with others in a way you never used to. You are starting to enjoy pretending and actually PLAYING with your toys. You've uncovered a big love of dinosaurs and roaring like them all over the house. We got you your very own Stegosaurus and Brachiosaurus figures the other day and it was like the best day of your life. Who knew some dinosaurs would be like the Second Coming? What a fun time we are having together! It hasn't been all roses and sunshine as you spent several days sick, sick sick. Puking every 15 minutes for 36 hours...and then having days of residual illness afterward. Not so fun for anyone, least of all you. I felt so bad for you and your poor listless body. But now you are fully mended and filled with energy. "Outside!" you scream half the day. You don't care that it's arctic-cold and windy until you get out there and promptly say "All Done!" We can't wait for warmer weather!
We're having so much fun, my little love. We make a great team. You and Dad make a great team. Together, we make a great family and that's my dream come true.
I love you deeply now and forever more,
Mama

More Pigtails...

I know she's playing with the blinds' cord and that's a no-no. But, she was attended (this is in my bedroom). She just loves to make the blinds go up and down and then make them stay that way. I'm always watching.

Treasured Moment

2011-03-08T10:04:00.003-05:00

Last night as Paige was on her changing pad (after bath and getting her diaper on) she grabbed my hand and said "hug!" and pulled it to her chest/heart. (This was the first time I've heard her say "hug.") She proceeded to snuggle it with both her arms tightly and rocked her body a little to the left and then a little to the right. A sort of hugging sway. She had a big smile and held my hand so close. It was so sweet and I almost cried. She then did the same to Chris' hand.
Paige had never been much of a snuggler; always preferring to be on the move or doing something else (but not for lack of effort on OUR part to get snuggles!). She's been becoming much more affectionate in the past couple of months and I'm loving it!
I was lucky enough for her to do the hand hug with me again this morning after she ate her breakfast in her high chair. She suddenly grabbed my hand, said "hug!"and did the same thing. I about melted into a blob right there. That would have been a good time for her to ask me for a car. She missed out on that one!

22 months

2011-03-01T19:14:00.003-05:00

Here is Paige, hoping to watch a show (but I said no and we read books instead)

My Dearest Little P.,

When you burst into my room this afternoon with Daddy you had the brightest smile...your cheeks bursting and I saw all of your teeth at once. You screamed with glee and ran toward me at lightning speed. I had just finished a nap (I've had a nasty cold AGAIN!) and I guess you missed me! You gave me a wonderful hug as I reached over the side of the bed. Those are the moments I string together like pearls at keep around my heart. These are what makes life so wonderful and meaningful. There have been many, many, many of these pearls lately!
Paige, you are such a happy kiddo. SUCH a happy kid. And that makes ME so happy and feel like I am doing something right. You rarely fuss about anything anymore; you are just so cheerful and excited about life. You are incredibly bubbly and bouncy. I often can find you skipping and hopping around as you say "hop! hop! hop!!" I have even found you in front of the mirror saying "Caw! Caw!" as you flap your arms as you pretend to be a bird; so silly. Your smiles have gotten more expressive and bright; your snuggles more cuddly. Our bond has strengthened beyond measure.
One of your favorite activities is to sit and "read" to me. You babble, jargon and chatter at a high rate with lots of inflection as you tell me a story from any number of books. I can never recognize any of the words and it just doesn't matter. Your stories are the most wonderful in the world. They are yours and I'll always be listening in awe.
We are having such a wonderful time together. I cherish these days and miss each one as it passes by. Being with you is the greatest pleasure. We've been through a lot these past few months but the challenges have delivered the greatest rewards. Being your Mama is the greatest job I could have ever dreamed of and I often pinch myself because I feel so lucky and wonder if I'm in a dream. I miss you when you are in bed at night all safe and warm. The morning brings the warmth of your smile and the delight of your giggles; I hate to be away from them!
You are going through some rapid changes with growth, speech, and a developing personality...it's like being there as the flower unfurls. It's so fast! You are so different today than you even were last week. There's simply no containing you even if I wanted to.
I often think about how loving you means giving you plenty of space to grow and find yourself. It means letting go of your babyhood and trying to control all your movements. But it also means knowing when to hold you close and enjoy right amount of togetherness for playing and learning. I don't always do it right, but I want you to know that I try my best to give you what you need to help you be your best.
Your beautiful and happy face tells me I'm doing just fine. So, thank you for that.
I love you always and forever more,
Mama

We created a little nook in our bedroom with books and a few toys to make you feel welcome.

You love a good scratch and sniff book

Making a proper mess as you play in your room

Free Play used to just be "Play"

2011-02-09T15:04:00.004-05:00

Here's Paige, enjoying some simple play time.

I've been thinking a lot lately about the loss of "free play" in the lives of many children. Thanks to structured adult-led activities, screen time, video games and the like many children are losing the art of play and the benefits it entails. Here's a NY Times article from not too long ago that discusses this further. I highly recommend reading it if the topic interests you.

What is free play exactly? Here's a quote from a pediatric article I read:

"It is important to note that this kind of play is meant to be unstructured, child driven play. It is not the kind of play time that is totally controlled by adults and doesn't include passive play, such as sitting in front of a video game, computer, or TV.

Keep in mind that just because free play isn't controlled by adults doesn't mean that you shouldn't supervise your kids while they are playing, especially if they are playing outside.

Examples of Free Play

True free play is any kind of unstructured activity that encourages your child to use his imagination, such as playing with blocks and dolls. It wouldn't include playing with most electronic toys.

A group of kids playing soccer in the backyard together, versus only playing on a team with a coach, would be another good example of free play time. This type of active free play is also a good way to help your kids meet their daily physical activity requirements."

OK. So, it's basically active play where kids use their imaginations instead of passively being entertained by a toy or other stimulus that does all the work. This reminds me of how I used to play when I was a child.

I LOVED my childhood. I frolicked and played outside in sun and snow, often not coming in "until the streetlight" came on. I dug for worms; my parents didn't mind me messing up the yard a little. I made mud pies and pretended to run a bakery on the stone property border/wall. I played kickball with the neighborhood boys and rode my bikes all over our part of town (after learning on the tricycle and then the Big Wheel). I loved to collect insects, turning big rocks over to see what lived underneath. I examined ants and studied their travels and made up stories about where they were going. In winter I stayed outside sledding, building snow forts and snow kitchens and rolling around. When I went to my best friend's house, we made elaborate mazes for her kitten to run through in her room. We walked through the woods behind her house and frolicked with her dog. We played music on her keyboard and puzzled our way through computer mystery games (when we were older). I remember being VERY young and pretending our couch was a ship. I remember taking a blanket and creating a "tent" in my bedroom where I pretended I was a boy scout (I guess I didn't think girl scouts were rugged enough?). I spent hours in that tent during rainy days with my books, rope (for practicing knots), stuffed animal friends, and a flashlight. I didn't need much space (my bedroom was maybe 7 feet x 7 feet or so with a slanted wall on one side.) People complain about having small apartments and not having room for their kids to have this kind of play so I'm a good example of the fact that you don't need a ton of space to use your imagination. I remember Kindergarten being so awesome. There was a corner with giant cardboard blocks, a doll area, a kitchen area, an art corner, a book corner, an area with a few tables for us all to sit at, and a rug for circle time and listening to stories. And, for when we were well-behaved, one or two of us would get rewarded with permission to play in the indoor sandbox that we could stand at. I remember the day we learned about the letter 'V' and we made vests (starts with 'V'!!!) out of paper grocery bags. We colored them violet. (starts with 'V'!!!!) Anyway, there was magic in getting lost in my own little world during my play time.
The NY Times article I mentioned quotes a woman who toured the Kindergarten in her town and was shocked to find a wall of computers and a bunch of little desks and that's it. That surprises me. Also, it just doesn't seem developmentally appropriate? Maybe I'm naive?

My friend, a 3rd grade teacher's aide, told me that the children in her classroom have no clue what to do when there is indoor recess due to inclement weather. They sort of sit and stare at each other and it takes a lot of suggestions to get them going. I can't imagine that!!
It makes me sad.
Here is a list of articles on the importance of play, why it matters, what children learn through play, and some play ideas if you are interested in more information on the topic. They are helpful!

This is all easy to say, but what about the reality of the pressures?
Another friend told me that her son is having trouble keeping up with the skills the other boys have in a certain sport he is participating in. They all started in 1st grade. He didn't start until about 6th or 7th grade (which I thought was normal?). Needless to say, his skills are no where near those of the other boys in his 8th grade class and it shows; and is affecting him. sigh. There's so much pressure to start children SO EARLY in activities so they can compete and stay on par with the other kids. But how far is too far? Is it ever enough? I also realize that people are concerned with safety these days. Surely we can still adopt SOME of the old ways of playing to suit our needs? I know we can't exactly just let our kids roam free until the street lights come on anymore...sigh.

Here's my commitment:
I'm going to do my best to allow Paige to have as much time for free playing while she is a child as possible. (of COURSE she'll have chores and responsibilities to tend to as well). I'll let her help me do my adult tasks around the house as much as she wants to while she's young (she thinks it is so fun and she's learning so it's a win-win.). I'll encourage her creativity and imagination as much as possible through limited screen time, open-ended simple toys, and lots of outdoor play/romping. I'm fine with organized activities, as long as there aren't too many. I can see it will be hard to be selective, but in my opinion it is a must to limit them. I'm going to remember that everything is fine in moderation. I want Paige to relate to her peers, be able to perform to her academic capacities, enjoy extra-curriculars, and lead a happy life...this is the mission I will try to remember when the pressures to do more or less start to attack. It's a new world we live in, but I can still do my part to keep it a little bit magical for a little bit longer for my wee one. And clearly it is in her best interest when it comes to creative problem solving and the like.
I know I may sound over-concerned...my daughter is barely two. But, time goes by fast. As I make plans for her birthday gifts and start thinking about what activities we can do through the year ahead I want to be conscious of how each decision impacts her. Do I get the electronic toy du jour? Or, do I go with the simple play silks and wooden blocks? Each decision shapes the whole issue of play and its quality.
In the spirit of sharing...while I find it to be a very idealistic account; I found this piece of writing to be inspirational for me on a personal level. Some of the bits really resonate with me.

Here's Paige, playing with my slippers and making fun in my bedroom

Her favorite

2011-02-04T08:00:00.001-05:00

Happy Friday!
I thought I'd post another little video of Paige enjoying her favorite game with her Daddy. It was a fun way to spend a morning! I love those two.

Boots and winter

2011-02-03T08:27:00.003-05:00

Paige has taken to wearing my shoes all around. My winter boots are no exception. Here she is doing some fancy footwork after putting them on:

And then she declared (no, not REALLY) "THESE are mah new puzzlin' boots!!!".

Wishing we could play outside more. Our fence and playhouse are officially buried in the backyard. That's 4 feet of snow, my friends! When it isn't 2 degrees, we try to play a bit in the driveway and I also pull her sleigh up the road and back. (Always ending with "more!" and off I go back up the road...no worries; there's no traffic) But it's so darn cold lately, it's just hard to be out there. sigh. When is spring coming?

21 Months

2011-01-28T07:19:00.003-05:00

Dear Little P,
21 months old! You are turning into a little lady. There's just no denying it that you are losing your baby chub as you grow and stretch and turn into a little girl. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't hard for me to see you leaving your babyhood behind. It has gone much too quickly. We tried so hard to bring you into the world and then your babyhood came and went in such a flash. I feel like babyhood needs to last just a little bit longer! But, I guess it would never seem like enough. I can never hold you or snuggle you enough. Such is the plight of being your Mama. Especially because now you aren't too keen on being snuggled unless it's on your terms.
This past month you have made some great strides in your speech development as well as with your focus and attention. You seem to be doing better every day. You discovered an obsession with puzzles and fine motor tasks. I've watched you put puzzles together and then immediately dump them out over and over and over again. I've been giving you more difficult challenges but you seem to solve them so quickly! It's hard for me to keep up with this flurry of connections you are making. I love watching you concentrate and the way you say Ray!!! (Hooray) when you finish a task. You've taken a shine to working with Play Doh and playing with your shape stacking puzzles. It's different because you used to be so into running around, moving and getting into things. Now I can usually find you sitting over a little project. All within a week or two's time. Watching you grow is just amazing!
The best part about all of these changes, by far, has to be that you are bonding with me more. You come to me and engage with me much more than you used to; it warms my heart to feel this connection with you I've waited so long for. You cuddle my legs, you look at me with a smile and joy in your eyes that makes me melt. You ask for me and look for me and always want me to play with you. You are my sunshine and my heart; the joy and love I feel for you is everlasting. Please know that everything I do is for you and what is best for you in mind. Being your Mama is a job I take very seriously and put a lot of conscious thought into because I love you more than the world. I see a beautiful and perfect soul in your smile and for that I am forever lucky and grateful.
I love you always and forever,
Mama

Dollie

2011-01-26T14:17:00.003-05:00

Hi!
Meet Dollie...
She is Paige's much loved special toy that she takes with her to bed and everywhere else. We have 2 Dollies...one for upstairs and one for down (the downstairs one also tends to go in the diaper bag with us). They often cross paths, to Paige's delight. Sometimes both of them go to bed with her. It's great that one can go into the wash while the other one gets to hang out; they can get AWFULLY stinky and gross. I'm already wishing we had a third. I just wanted to document her favorite toy for the sake of posterity. Thanks for taking the time to meet her!

Play doh time!

2011-01-24T17:37:00.003-05:00

Hi friends!
Several months ago, my parents unearthed my old lunchbox from when I was in Kindergarten...E.T.! I can see my 1983 wisdom of personalizing it with stickers to spell my name and embellish the front with a heart and some antennae-thingies on ET's head. I was so excited to see this old thing! It's been sitting around on a shelf for a while now and I decided to store Paige's play clay tools in it. It's got a simple latch that she can do herself and I like that I can see my old friend and keep him useful again!
For tools Paige is favoring some plastic straws (sturdy like sticks) to poke, poke, poke the Play Doh. She also likes chopsticks and this little rotary wheel thingie (that makes nice lines) I found in the basement cache of tools. There's also a cheesy plastic rolling pin that she uses the end to poke the Doh and also a little plastic "garlic press" that makes "hair." I prompt her to "pull, pull, pull!" when I squeeze the hair out. And finally is a little dull plastic knife for cutting and making lines and poking. She never used to be very engaged with this, but today she took this out twice. The first time she played for over a half-hour, and the second time was a good 15 minutes. I only had to remind her once that the activity stays ON the table. And when we were done she was happy to put away all the tools back in the box and latch it shut. I'll enjoy her penchant for cleaning up while it lasts. :) Over the past few days I've noticed a love for fine-motor games take her over. She's obsessed with all her puzzles and has speedily put them all together...and she's now onto all her other toys that have little bits and bobs to stack, sort, peg, build, etc. She gets so focused and intent on doing them all over and over. All stuff to keep her little fingers busy and flying. I want to encourage her, but at the same time she is lost in her own little world. Not good when she still doesn't have much going on for language. But, we're working on sneaking in chances for building speech into her little games. I'll fit it in however I can!! See you in this space soon!

Playroom Take Two

2011-01-13T19:18:00.005-05:00

Hey there!
Now that the playroom is "done" I thought I'd post some new photos of it with the play kitchen in place and all Paige's holiday toys put away. I also avoided using the wide-angle lens for this so it doesn't distort the room. To answer an earlier question from a reader, the room size, I believe, is 11 x 12 feet. (Sidenote: If anyone wants to know more about some of the stuff in here, try checking out the topics column on the right of this blog under "playroom for wee." I tagged all the posts about this room with that to make it easy to find info. Or you can feel free to email me at the address listed on the upper-right) Since everything has its place, it's easy to clean up at the end of the day and keep it looking like this. Some days I don't feel like it so the floor has scattered books and bits on it, but for the most part we like to pick it up and keep it looking new. We also added a mirror to the wall where Paige can admire herself during dress up (which so far means donning a bunch of cheapy necklaces and watching them swish back and forth) and we play mimicking games. She also likes to watch her mouth move as she tries to babble and sound out words. So cute! The thing in the left corner in the toy zone is not a TV; it's a lamp that looks like an aquarium. Paige is very visual and loves fish so it was easy to decide to get it. I often find her staring at it and waving hi to her little fishy friends; especially when she's a little tired and needs extra soothing. I'm glad we changed the office into her playspace; we are in there all day long with plenty to do with no temptation of the television in the family room. I know Paige enjoys having her own place to go and be cozy and where we can all play, make art, make music, read, and enjoy being together...and that was my goal. Mission accomplished!

Play Kitchen

2011-01-11T15:00:00.005-05:00

Here is her new play apron made from vintage 50's fabric. I got it from Etsy seller Gagie Pagie Pudding Pie (appropriately named I think!!). You can see it on her in the photo below the text in this post.

Hi there!

I thought I'd take this chance to show you the new play kitchen that Paige's grandparents gifted her for Christmas. Most of her gifts from us were kitchen-related. She's a little young yet to fully do the whole "pretend" thing, but she's starting. I figure she will keep growing into it. For now, she likes to lift the sink out and throw toys down underneath to hide them. She also will stir her imagined soup in the pot. She keeps pushing the burner buttons on and off while also pouring with her little metal tea kettle. This particular play kitchen is from Ikea and seemed to be the most affordable option out there and I also happened to aesthetically like it the best. It has everything I thought a play kitchen should...including little burners that light up. There's plenty of storage and the simple design matches many decors. Another cool thing is that the legs adjust and it can raise up even higher when she is older. Yay! As you can see, I added hooks to the sides to store cleaning implements and her apron/kitchen cloth. I wanted to install actual metal fixtures for this, but it felt like overkill when the time came to set it up. The simple hooks are functional and easy and are also removable since they are that sticky pull-off material. As my bloggie friend Lor mentioned in the comments in an earlier post, the magnets that hold the cabinets shut are VERY strong. Paige has a hard time opening them; so a few layers of masking tape over them allows for the magnets to work much more gently. When she's older I can just remove the tape. Easy-peasy! So, that's the play kitchen "review." We love it!

New Year

2011-01-10T14:36:00.004-05:00

Paige's cousin gave her some cool new boots, which are a hit!

Hi friends!
Well, we've been sick with colds again here. As per usual it seems!!! It's been an exhausting start to the new year! What with colds, appointments, plans and errands...no rest for the weary!
I've been reading up on lots of blogs; exploring what resolutions everyone is deciding to tackle and whatnot. I never can get on board with resolutions because they usually equal pressure. And we all know I hate that. Anyway, Chris and I have been wanting to have "date nights" more regularly (I can't remember when our last one was?) and schedule them twice per month if we can. So, we've just booked two nights out of this month with our lovely babysitter and we're so excited to make plans to get out. We want to go to the movies and we'd like to luxuriate in a meal that we don't have to rush through. We spend a lot of quality time together as a family, but I think it's important to reconnect as a couple to remember we're more than parents. Once the month is over, we'll sit down with a calendar and figure out our 2 days for February...that way I have a jump on contacting the babysitter well in advance. It's more likely to happen if you book it far in advance, right? It's just as important as a doctor, dentist, or other appointment we all tend to make sure and keep...if not MORE so. SO, that's our "resolution" for this year and I'm excited about it.
In other news, Paige seems to finally be starting to pick up some words here and there. She's a bit of a late bloomer when it comes to talking; but it's better late than never, eh? We've recently found out that she needs a lot of specific sensory motor play in order to focus and pay attention better and we already see a big difference in her speech development. To aid in her focus, we've continued to keep the TV off, and now *gulp* the radio, and *super gulp* the internet. Chris and I indulge in those things after P is in bed. Again, these measures are seemingly making a big impact in her development in just a short amount of time. We're excited for her. Life is easier when there's some communicating going on! Perhaps I'll share some of our fun sensory games here in this space from time to time? I'm all about sharing, as you know. Feel free to share some of your ideas with me too!
Well, I can hear her mumbling now from her crib which signals the end of nap (and my internet time!). Be well, and I hope to post more frequently here in this new year. But we won't call that a resolution, ok?

Dancing Queen

2011-01-09T16:09:00.001-05:00

Paige is having a lot of fun with her dress-up accessories. Should I be worried that she's dancing to Superfreak? Hmmm.

20 months

2011-01-02T20:34:00.004-05:00

My dearest Paige,

This letter is a little late this month; we've been away celebrating the holidays. We were at Nana and Grampa's house in Maine for Christmas, then we went to Grammy and Rico's house in Connecticut. Our final stop was to the Carty family house in Vermont to celebrate New Year's with lots of friends. Phew! Now we are home and you are finally adjusting to your old routine (after lots of screaming sleepless nights). You are 20 months old now; out of the teens and drawing nearer to turning 2. I can hardly believe it. We've been so lucky to witness how sweet you are...so gentle and easy-going. You are also a bit shy and seem to open up only when someone is outgoing with you first. I think you are best-friends with anyone willing to dangle you upside-down and twirl you all over the place. You seem to love being chased...you look back with a sly grin as you begin to run. How can we NOT chase you after you make such a cute face? But you do cute things a lot, as toddlers do, and today was no exception. You did a little dance to the song "Superfreak" as you looked at your new dress-up jewelry in the mirror. Daddy got that one on video that I hope to post soon. I hope you don't mind; it's too cute not to share. It was so wonderful to share the holidays with you. Your Daddy and I stared at our stockings all in a row on the mantle and we both got very teary. We felt so lucky as we hugged and looked at them...his, yours, and mine. I'd never realized I'd been waiting for that moment all of my life. To have a little stocking for Santa to fill next to ours. Yours. It was a surreal and unbelievable moment for both of us...a reminder of how grateful we are for you and how lucky we are. Wonderful things are in store for you in the year ahead; I wish I could express here how excited I am about them all. I love you my little peanut. There is only one special You. Full of wonder, love and life. A million hugs and kisses wouldn't be enough to show you, but I'll tell you again that I love you forever and always.
Love,
Mama

Happy Holidays!

2010-12-23T19:02:00.002-05:00

And a Merry Christmas for those who celebrate! We will be off celebrating and making merry. We'll see you in this space soon! Thank you all for reading and sharing my life this year; it's been so helpful and so fun! I can't wait to see what 2011 will bring us all! I hope for good things for all of us. Many hugs and thanks!

Megan, Chris and Paige

First Ponytail

2010-12-20T13:48:00.002-05:00

Paige has now had her first ponytail! (There was some wrestling and a tear or two which makes me never want to do another ponytail for her again, but there you go.)
My baby is turning into a little girl. I'm happy for her, but....*sigh*

Role-Play

2010-12-04T18:43:00.006-05:00

The role of "stay-at-home Mom" is one I never imagined for myself when I was young. I knew I wanted to be a Mom one day; as a teen I imagined myself as one day having a fast-paced design job with kids in daycare. I always thought I would want to work, if I was lucky enough to have the choice to do so. It's funny how time changes your mind. Indeed I was lucky enough to have a choice, and I chose to stay home with my daughter and raise her. This post isn't to get into a "this" versus "that" conversation...all I will say is I'm grateful to have the choice and understand why others choose to work instead of stay home as well. It's a topic that is not black and white, that's for sure! Anyway, I guess this post is to address other Stay at Home moms and ask them this: Do you feel the pressure to do MORE? I see blog posts of other SAHMs who have jobs on the side where they squeeze creative careers in during naps and during evenings and weekends. Or, I see them cooking up a storm, sewing kids' clothes, and reorganizing their houses all while tending to 4 kids. It is easy to feel inadequate if I compare. In my own case, I tried to squeeze in some work for design clients on the side but had to give it up. I simply couldn't give my clients the time and attention they deserved while still giving my daughter the attention SHE deserved. I found myself getting stressed and I guess resentful? with trying to squeeze everything into a two-hour nap window and I simply didn't want to start my "second job" in the evening once Paige went to bed. I wanted to relax after a long day! Being sole caregiver to a child all day is a full-time job as we all know. Then, there's the issue of personal hobbies, interests, and care. I felt the need to have a day of the week where I set aside time to paint "just for me." Or, an evening where I scheduled time to get my hair cut or some such thing. Everyone is always saying how you have to set aside time regularly for doing the things you want. Believe it or not, THAT was stressing me out too! I never felt relaxed, satisfied, or settled in my role as Mom. I always felt like I was supposed to be doing more and resenting it at the same time. I've discovered that this is a fleeting chapter in my life. It will be a short phase that won't last forever. I want to enjoy and honor it. I've given up trying to squeeze all kinds of extra things in. Relief! I've made the decision to simply be a Mom to my daughter and give her my best efforts. I no longer feel frantic or less-than the next gal. It has taken me a while to get to this point...to accept that I'm doing more than enough and I'm actually happy with it! Now that I've let go of all the expectations of what I SHOULD be doing in ADDITION to mothering I feel like I can finally be myself and enjoy my role. If I feel like doing a painting and I have a slice of time, then I will paint. But I don't schedule it in and create stress around it. I will go back to doing all the other things my life has to offer once my children are school-age. In the meantime, I will relax, rest and read during Paige's naps and not race to fill them with a hundred tasks that are supposedly for "me." I will spend my evenings with my husband instead of frantically racing around on the computer. And I will know that being "just a Mom" is more than enough to keep me busy, happy, exhausted and fulfilled for the time being. And if that changes, I am confident that I will take the necessary steps to make things right. For now, I'm giving in to this role...and I'm finding I love it more than I thought I would. It just took me letting go of those other notions to discover it. I've also realized that I can include Paige in my interests during the day...thus keeping her AND myself entertained. Not everything has to be HER time versus MY time. That has been helping a lot too. Any other SAHMs out there who feel pressure to do more than their day job, whether it is a side job, something for personal enrichment, etc.? Is it stuff you want and enjoy doing? Or is it stuff you feel you SHOULD be doing?

Playroom

2010-11-30T13:00:00.003-05:00

Hi friends!
I've held out long enough and am ready to show you the full photos of Paige's new playroom!
As I'd mentioned in the past, we took the front room of our house that we used as an office and turned it into a play space. It simply wasn't being utilized as much as it could have been anymore as an office. Now we are in here most of the day every day and we love it! It's cheerful, energetic, and we feel happy here. In the photos you can see my little corner where I do my computer stuff, can do my own artwork, and store my own books and things. My inspiration board is there too. Paige can play all she wants and I can be in there too. I hope you like it!
I plan to make changes in the coming future to make room for Paige's play kitchen and a dress-up spot, but I wanted to show where we are at for now. I hope all is well with you as we are finishing up some nasty colds over here. It seems like we've been endlessly sick! Is it spring yet? haha.

19 Months

2010-11-28T19:06:00.002-05:00

Dear Little P.,

Today you turned 19 months old! What a special time for you!
For the past week or two I've seen you really starting to come into your own as you start to show more sides to your personality... less of a baby and more of a kid. You love to roughhouse and wrestle with Daddy and to be picked up and dangled by your feet. You love to be held up in the air and tickled. That laugh you make is so robust and full; it's surely my most favorite sound! You've started running up to me out of nowhere and flapping your hand at me...waving hello...and then running away after I happily say "Hiiii!!!". Your hugs have become so vibrant since you now seem to enjoy a running start before flinging yourself into us head-first. And every once in a while, if you are in the mood and I ask if I can have one, you will pucker up and give me a wet sloppy baby kiss right on the lips. My heart melts every time.

You've continued to demonstrate your love of music with drumming on everything in sight, dancing and twirling to music, and humming/mimicking singing when a song is playing. We've finished up your Music Together class and we need to decide whether or not to continue that particular class. You certainly seem to love it; but you also love the social aspect since you mostly run around to all the other people in there and sit in their laps out of the blue. You warm the hearts of those around you; that is a gift.

This past month you've discovered a love of coloring with chalk and crayons on your easel. I think you love the satisfying sounds they make on the paper/chalkboard. I must admit, I love those sounds too! It's so much fun to watch you discover the different colors and shapes that come from your hands. There's so much more to come from the art world! Just you wait!

And finally, you've found that you love to wash your hands in the bathroom sink. You pull up your step stool and stand begging for me to fill the basin with water. You rub your hands and fingers together as we sing the hand-washing song...so cute! And I let you splash for a little bit extra time just for the fun of it.

We got you a Learning Tower (basically a fancy step stool that keeps you from falling), which enables you to see what we are doing in the kitchen and help out. You helped assemble it (well, Daddy assembled it and let you turn a screw with the Allen Wrench a few times) and then stood on it at the kitchen sink.

We let you wash some plastic dishes and it was a HUGE hit!

It kept you quite busy for some time and it was great to see you so happy and engaged. Just wait until we start letting you stir food and help us with the things we are making! Your tower will allow you to be in the action and I'm looking forward to showing you how things work.

All in all, it's been a busy month of discovery for you. You've been really taking time to find what makes yourself happy and content. I can see you starting to blossom and I love who you are. What a blessing! Not only do I love you more than the universe...I like you so darned much. You're fun and such a treat to be around...I couldn't ask for a better sidekick. So thank you. Keep finding joy in the little things because that is what makes life great. You've blessed me with YOUR greatness and for that I am humbled and grateful every day.
Love you always and forever,
Mama

Happy Thanksgiving!

2010-11-24T19:30:00.002-05:00

To all of you out there: Thank you so much! Having your support and kind words in this space has been such a pleasure and thrill. I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Be back soon with the full playroom shots and Paige's 19th month letter.
Much love,
Megan

Toy Area

2010-11-24T07:00:00.004-05:00

Hi friends!
Today I'm excited to show you Paige's toy corner.

Her little Ikea shelving unit sits here and I rotate in her toys periodically. I like keeping it simple; Paige can see her toys and it's easy to put things away. I like that she can take her own toys out to play with and she's learning bit by bit to clean up after herself. We've got a long way to go with that, but the seeds are being planted!
The baskets come from Ikea as well; made to fit the squares perfectly. We found the sheepskin rug at Ikea and it's a soft and cozy place for Paige to sit and play with her blocks and other gadgets. The blue picture frames came from Ikea as well (you can't beat the prices!) and I put some cards I'd held onto from our trips to Bar Harbor inside them. One shows the seabirds of New England and the other shows the seashells of New England. The center print is of a crab. As Paige gets older, I think it will be fun to match shells we find to the card.

The shelving on the walls comes from Ikea as well. I wanted places out of Paige's current reach where I could keep things stored. If she wants something, she can point up and I'll get it for her; but for the most part I can keep toys for rotating into use later on. Not yet shown are 2 other shelves where I store art supplies and the like out of her reach but in view to remind me to let Paige play with the supplies when I can. In the future, I plan to store board games and puzzles on these shelves. As long as there are tiny kids around, having a 200 piece puzzle thrown around the floor is happily avoided when possible. ha!

Art Corner

2010-11-23T07:00:00.000-05:00

Hi friends!

Today I will show you Paige's corner for art. We got a Melissa and Doug easel that has a white board on one side and a chalk board on the other. It also holds a roller of paper in between and it feeds up through over the white board. Paige has been LOVING using her crayons on this; she can do big strokes and scribbles with abandon. I never considered using an easel before; I figured she'd be fine coloring in an art pad while sitting in her chair. It was fine for crayons; though she didn't do much for scribbling. The pad would move all around under her hand. Also, when she tried to paint, her fist would just go through the wet paint and smear around. The easel keeps her hands up away from the work surface. She seems so much happier with it this way, and it's neater for her. Having studied art professionally, I think it's important for children to have a space to create and experiment. So far so good! Also pictured is the container of beans Paige plays in (mentioned a few posts back). The artwork over it is a scan from a child's book that I printed on large paper and framed. You'll see behind the easel that we have some magnetic letters stuck to the wall...we did a few coats of magnetic paint in the entire corner from the floor to a few feet up. Those particular magnets don't work so great, but the thin kids of magnets seem to stick well. I hope to design and create some magnetic play sets/scenes for P to play with. I know we could have done chalkboard paint over it, but I feel funny encouraging Paige to write/draw on the walls. I would think it would be confusing to a little child...you CAN write on the wall HERE but not THERE. I decided to keep the festivities to the easel for simplicity's sake.
So, that's the art corner!

Colorful kid's room

2010-11-22T16:15:00.002-05:00

Hi friends!
I'm interrupting the playroom tour with a shameless plug of Paige's nursery: It's in the top 9 running in Ohdeedoh's "Small Kids, Big Color 2010" contest. Would you consider going on over there to vote for Paige's room? There's 48 hours to vote and we'd so appreciate it!
Thanks so much for your time! I hope you're having a great day!

Music Spot

2010-11-22T07:00:00.000-05:00

Hey there!
Moving on in our tour, next to the reading area we've placed an old bookcase I painted blue for the purpose of housing Paige's musical instruments.

Since they are out for her to see, she finds it much more convenient to grab them and play with them through the day. We plan on adding some more instruments to the shelves soon. My old keyboard from my childhood rests on top; we pull it down for Paige to play sometimes. She always delights in hitting all the keys and tapping out random tunes. I never realized I would actually like all the noise and welcome it. For NOW anyway, haha!

Reading Corner

2010-11-21T07:00:00.000-05:00

Hello friends!
I hope you have been well! We got the playroom all finished up, so I thought I'd take time through several posts to show you around. I can tell you that we've been loving it and Paige seems to love running straight in there come morning. So far so good!

We first start with the reading corner. I'd heard good things about book slings and how this kind of bookshelf shows the covers instead of the spines; thus making it easier for little ones to find the book they are searching for. Paige still enjoys taking the books out, but she also likes putting them back IN (when the mood strikes of course). It's much easier to keep things neat. We chose a holder from One Step Ahead. I wanted us to have a cozy place to sit and read together (big enough for us both). I found the Cocoon Jr. here (free shipping!). It's very comfortable and is made from recycled furniture grade foam in a microfiber zippered case. The filler goes in an inner liner (with a zipper pull you take off so it's safer for little kids) and the microfiber outer liner is machine washable.
The lamp was a brass one that was given to us; so I painted it blue. The little wooden sun was a gift from my brother many years ago. I also hung two of my favorite Norman Rockwell prints over the area for ambiance. I'll show them in better detail later on.
So, there we have it! I have lots of books waiting in the wings to be rotated into the space once Paige is seeming to be bored with these. In the meantime, we are enjoying her little nook together and I find so much joy in seeing her flip through books by herself on her cushion too.

Miracle of Sleep

2010-11-05T08:00:00.001-04:00

Anyone who has followed along with this blog knows of how we've tried to get Paige to sleep later in the morning (5:15AM is much too early!). I'm happy to report she's finally sleeping until 6:15 or so. Sometimes a little more, sometimes a little less. Putting her to bed within 4 or 5 hours at the MOST after her nap has made a big difference. Any more than that...well...she tends to get up earlier. UGH! But we're so glad to have found a solution that works for us so far.
Lucky for us, Paige has always been a pretty good sleeper. When she was very little, we used a Miracle Blanket to swaddle her and it worked wonders in helping to calm her and eased the fussies that kept us up all hours. I remember she went from sleeping to just a few hours to six straight hours when we first started using it. It only got better after that. The benefit of this blanket to other swaddlers is that it really held her arms down...she couldn't wriggle free! Paige NEVER stayed in other swaddles as they always fell apart after a while. I was also too worried about her sleeping at night with one...what if it came undone and covered her face? The other benefit was that there was no noisy velcro...some other swaddlers I had were so noisy at night when I was just trying to give Paige a quick bottle and diaper change. Nothing like a loud ripping of velcro at 3:00 in the morning to keep a baby in dreamland! We used our Miracle Blanket every night and for some naps until Paige outgrew it at around 5 months. Here's a video to show how it works. It always stopped Paige's crying too. She'd smile a little and go right to sleep.

This leads me to my first giveaway!! Da-Da-DAAAAAHHH!
The lovely folks over at Miracle Blanket will send one of my lucky readers a new Miracle Blanket for their own little bundle (or to give to a friend!) What do you need to do? First, go ahead and favorite Miracle Blanket on Twitter here, and on Facebook here.
In the comments section of this post, I'd love to hear about what your favorite thing about your bedtime routine with your little one; or your favorite night-time memories with your little one. I will choose a winner based on their answer. The winner will be ONLY be announced on Miracle Blanket’s Twitter page or Miracle Blanket's Facebook page the afternoon of Tuesday, November 9, 2010 (after 2:00 pm CST). Be sure to check there to see if you've won! The folks at Miracle Blanket will give the winner 24 hours to respond back, otherwise you forfeit the prize. Contest is open to U.S. and Canada. This contest will run from today, Friday November 5, 2010 through Monday, November 8, 2010 at 3:00 PM CST. Good luck!! I can't wait to hear your favorite night-time moments with your precious ones!

Acadia

2010-11-04T14:15:00.002-04:00

Hi friends!
I finally got around to editing some of my favorite pictures from our recent fifth wedding anniversary trip to Acadia National Park in Maine. I took 500 some-odd photos! Crazy.
Here are a tiny few; I can't say enough good things about that place. It's just gorgeous and so wonderful to hike. So much to see! I hope you enjoy these images and that perhaps they inspire you to visit!

Cool Beans

2010-11-03T07:30:00.003-04:00

Hi there!
We're coming along with Paige's playroom! The last weekend was spent gathering up toys, painting furniture, shopping for shelving and picture frames, assembling stuff...you name it. Chris did most of the labor. I did the painting and organizing. We made a great team and got the whole room put together! Now, I'm working on figuring out what artwork I want and where I want it. It will take a little time since I've been making sure to rest; this cold I've had just won't quit! So, I'm resting during Paige's naps and going to bed extremely early every night.

A little while back, we put together a "sensory play box" for Paige. It's a Rubbermaid wrapping paper container that my Mom was getting rid of that we filled with all kinds of dried beans. I put in a few little toys to dig with and voila! an indoor sandbox of sorts was born. She will sit in there for a good half hour just burying her feet, pouring out beans, and the like. We haven't yet had trouble with the beans going everywhere. I take her out before she gets too restless...I can tell when she's getting sick of it. But it's the perfect thing to pull out when she seems whiny and ready for something special to do. You can see a little sneak peek of some of the playroom in the background, hee!
Have a great day friends!!!

Happy Halloween 2010

2010-11-01T07:28:00.003-04:00

Paige had a great Halloween! A few days before, she got to celebrate at her Dad's work Halloween party for the kids. Last night, she went on her first Trick-or-Treat expedition with her friend Matthew. As you can see, she dressed as a little piglet. She even kept the costume on the whole time! Phew. I hope you had a great Halloween too!

Her first house she went to for her first Trick-or-Treat!

Mompetition

2010-10-29T07:03:00.001-04:00

I thought this was SO hysterical!! It just gets funnier as it goes on. That made my Friday.
*sigh*

18 Months

2010-10-28T06:37:00.003-04:00

Dear Little P.,

Today you are 18 months old. A year and a half. It's hard to believe you were ever so small as you were when you were newly born. I saw glimmers, then, of the person you were and now that personality is starting to really shine.
You love laughing and rough-housing with your Daddy. I try to rough-house, but I'm just not as strong as he is. I can't really dangle you by your feet so easily. Besides, that stuff freaks me out so I'm happy for Daddy to do it. You love to start games like "chase Paige" where you touch my leg and run away for me to chase you. Or, we'll play "chase Mama" which makes you laugh so hard. You also love it when I give your Dolly a personality and she gives me kisses on the cheek...you're thrilled at the idea that other things can do what we do. You find it hysterical actually.
This past month we went pumpkin picking and you really seemed to love the loads and loads of pumpkins all over the field. So many in one place! We even went on a little hay ride you seemed to enjoy so much.

You drove with us up to Bar Harbor, Maine for a 4 night stay to celebrate our 5 year wedding anniversary. We got married in Bar Harbor and it was so special to bring you there for the first time. When it finally stopped raining, we did several different hikes in one day to show you all the different kinds of scenery in Acadia National Park. It was stunningly beautiful with all the fall foliage and you enjoyed riding in the hiking pack. You also loved running around collecting leaves everywhere we went. You figured, why walk when you can search for the perfect leaf instead? It was fun to watch you. In one day you saw a stream, lakes, little waterfalls, the ocean, and mountains. A good haul for one day! I will post pictures from that trip soon; they are still in the camera! Why?
Since we've been back, we've both been sick with colds and been miserable. It's been a challenging time. But I know we will both be better soon and I'll get to fully enjoy your energy! There are even glimmers of words starting to come out of your mouth here and there. Sometimes I think it's just my imagination; but I know I've heard them! Words like "outside" and "shoe" and "socks." And "Mama, Dada, and ha (hi)". Very important words indeed!

What an exciting time; watching you grow and flourish is so satisfying and such an honor! I never tire of watching you play and learn. I wish I could grab you, snuggle up, and stop time for just a little bit so that I could savor this all. To quote our new favorite picture book "All In A Day" by Cynthia Rylant..."The past is sailing off to sea, the future's fast asleep. A day is all you have to be, it's all you get to keep. Underneath that great big sky the earth is all a-spin. This day will soon be over and it won't come back again."

That makes me melancholy but it is so beautiful. It's an inspiring book we've been enjoying together that never fails to produce a tear on my cheek. (you can see the cut-paper illustrations and some of the text more closely at the artist's website here.) It just reminds me that I can't clutch time; it falls like sand through my fingers so I have to pay attention and enjoy while I can.
So here and now I want to tell you how much I love you, forever and always and no matter what.
Love,
Mama

Playroom: A beginning

2010-10-24T13:26:00.006-04:00

Hello friends!
I owe you some photos of our fall fun as of late. We did some pumpkin picking not too long ago, and went on a wonderful small trip to Bar Harbor, Maine to celebrate our 5-year wedding anniversary. Little P. loved collecting the plentiful fall leaves! I got to take lots of beautiful photos while we hiked around Acadia National Park...a favorite place of ours. We also got married in Bar Harbor, so it's a very special place for us. It was great to show it to Paige, even if she is a little too young to really appreciate it yet!
For this past week, Little P and I have been very sick with colds and all the fun that entails. I'm currently in bed, propped on pillows as I write this. Thank God for the weekend and my amazing husband who is tending to all things house and toddler. I'm looking forward to feeling better. Another week ahead, another chance!

SO! On to some exciting plans that I'll share with you!
I have decided to convert our office into a playroom for Paige (and future kids when the time comes). Since having her, I've put my business on hold so that I can focus on raising her (and future kids, hopefully...and NO I'm not pregnant but I like to think ahead!) I figured the room is just sitting there unused, so why not change it so it can be useful again? The other reason I'd like to change it is because I'm still fighting with my television addiction (Curses!!!) and thought that spending our time in a different room will help us (i.e. ME) avoid the tv all together. I'm sneaky like that. The end benefit? Hopefully Paige will increase in her language and comprehension and communication and have a fun place to enjoy.

Here's the room as it was a while back as where I did my work.

First step: we've taken most of the desks and other equipment out of the room and found new homes for most of it around the house. I'm leaving a few pieces of mine in one corner of the room so that I can be in there with Paige and have my own spot for doing computer work, painting, drawing, etc. Since the tv won't be there to distract me, I figure I'll be able to actually create more and Paige will benefit from seeing me do creative things. Win-Win! The challenge for me is to actually decide WHAT to create/draw/paint and actually DO it. That's a whole other issue!

The rest of the room will be all kiddo-ready.

The plan:
1. Paint the walls a fun and cheerful color.
I flirted with the idea of doing the same color as Paige's nursery, but I wanted to try something new. We chose Benjamin Moore's "Fresh Cut Grass".

It's a VERY loud color and not quite what I had in mind once it was on the wall (the swatch certainly wasn't exactly what appeared in real life.) I found this online swatch and it actually matches what's on the wall more. It's a very yellow-ish bright green. It was more green on the swatch. Isn't that always the way?? ANYWAY, I've decided to go with it and see where it takes us. I don't hate it and it certainly has some cheer about it! Don't barf! I had a more soothing yet cheerful color in my head, though, I must admit. I'm thinking that once the furniture and decor is up, it will look very different. What I put up as accent colors to COORDINATE with this color is going to make all the difference. I'm thinking TURQUOISE (think Tropical ocean blue) will be great. Chris finished the painting last night, so the room is covered in tarps and piles of my junk on the floor in the middle of the room (no photos for now!). Thanks so much Chris! He's the labor behind the plans. Nothing would happen without him! Now, I just have to find homes and a place to put all the rest of my stuff. blech.
2. Create a Reading Corner
I've ordered a few materials to create a cozy corner for reading and relaxing. Paige's favorite activity is to root through books, so this will be a vital area to focus on. I'm keeping myself in mind here too since I'm the one who reads the books to her and the one who keeps things in order as she's still learning to pick up after herself. I also have a mini surprise in store for this spot that I will share with you once it is complete! Wee!
3. Create an Art Corner
This will be a space for a children's easel (I'm thinking of the Ikea easel), paper, play clay, paints (liquid watercolor), and all the materials for creating. I will store the art supplies in a place where she cannot reach them. Perhaps when she is much older and knows how to responsibly use the materials I will put them where she can access them on her own. For now, I know I am asking for trouble if I leave them out. At this point, artistic pursuits need to be a well-chaperoned activity.
4. Create a play area.
Her toy stand will go here so she can reach all her things and put them away herself. I will include a small play rug to keep her comfy while she does her own "work" of playing.
5. Create a kitchen area: plan a few months away
I don't know what Santa is going to bring, but perhaps a certain Grandparent will gift Little P a play kitchen at Christmas? A little birdie told me. Keeping this special knowledge in my back pocket, I will leave an area open for this and consider what I need for storing play food, play utensils and pans, and kid-sized cleaning supplies. I figure it's ok to write it here since Little P can't read yet, right? I'm thinking some sort of shelving, hooks for broom and mop, hook for apron and cloths...
6. Table area
Her mini table and chairs can go here so she can work at the table as she wishes, host tea parties, do arty stuff, or whatever she wants to do.
7. Music Area
I'd like some shelving to store her musical instruments so they are all out for her to see. My parents found my old keyboard from when I was a preteen and it still works great! So, I'll put this here along with her wooden drum, wooden xylophone, maracas, etc. She LOVES to make music so I think having a little spot to keep these things out for her to see and use will be a great boost for her.
8. Dress Up Area
This is for the future, but I'm bearing it in mind. I know when she's older she will want to dress up. So, I'm keeping my eyes peeled for the best ways to store little outfits and such. I've also saved all my old cheapy necklaces and jewelry for her to play with. Again, I need to find a way to neatly store/display these for her . I'm keeping my eyes open for old handbags, wallets, shoes, and other accessories. She'll certainly need a superhero cape. That's most important, right? This is a zone that could get very messy and crazy, so I'm starting to search the internets for solutions that are easiest for kids to maintain and enjoy. We'll also need a little shatterproof tilt mirror or the like so she can see herself. Why dress up as a super-surgeon with killer shoes when you can't see the fruits of your labor?
9. Artwork
I'm still brainstorming this. But, I have some much loved Norman Rockwell prints I got in Vermont years ago just waiting to be framed and hung. I think this is the best place for them as they each have a child's theme. I'd like to create my own print to frame for the reading corner. I'm working on what this is to be; we shall see! I have other bits and bobs hanging around that I can also use to decorate in there. The key is to find things that are whimsical and colorful and "go" with the room. This is the stuff that give the room it's "look" and I want to carefully curate how I decorate it. I think the room will have a more "lived in" look about it than P's nursery. For example, I don't think everything is going to match just-so. I think it will have a nice homey feel, which will be right what I'm after!

So, there you have it! I will share our journey of creating Paige's playroom with you so you can follow along my thinking process from beginning to end! I hope you don't mind! I love this stuff. *sigh*
I'm thinking it will take a few weeks to get the bulk of it done, and should be mostly done just after the holidays. I'll share photos of nooks and progress as we inch along.
I will be sure to label all my posts about the playroom and call them "Playroom for Wee" so you can refer to them in the right column under "Topics". In case anyone has future questions about where something came from, etc. everything will be found in one place. Sharing is the name of the game!

17 months

2010-09-28T12:26:00.003-04:00

Dear Little P.,
You are 17 months today!
We celebrated by going to your Music Together class (which you are loving!) and then home for a nice lunch and nap. So far so good! Summer has ended (booo) and now we are starting to settle in to autumn. We are making plans for some nice walks in the woods so you can collect your beloved leaves. You LOVE leaves!

You like to find one and hold onto it as you play around the yard. Sometimes you'll carry two if you're feeling crazy. Playing outside is much easier, though, now that it isn't quite as scorching hot. And you LOVE playing outside. Hot activities right now are: leaf collecting, playing in the bubbles I blow, and touching all things nature.

You also enjoy running into your playhouse to open and close the shutters.

Indoors, you are enjoying playing with your little stuffed doll we've creatively named Dolly. You take her everywhere and sleep with her during every nap and night. You've even started "feeding" her by giving her food you are snacking on as well as drinks you are enjoying. It's cute to see you try and put a straw in her embroidered mouth. And you say "umm, yumm, yummm" to add a realistic twist. I guess you notice I say Yum yum yum to you when you are having your meals. On another note, that counts as another word you can say! You're a wee bit behind with your language, so it's always exciting when you surprise us with a new sound. I feel like there's all these words bubbling up inside of you just waiting to burst out. You certainly babble enough to give me that impression!
You are growing so fast. One day you were comfortably wearing a size 5 shoe, and the next day your heel was hanging off the back and we couldn't fit your sneakers on you. In shock, we took you off to get measured and you are now a size 7. So much for all the great size 6 shoes you'd inherited from your cousins. Now, you just have to grow into those sweet feet of yours. I'm sure you won't have any problem with that, right? Here's a photo of our summer 2010 shoes we wore most.

This past month has been so wonderful with you. We are adoring playing games with you that make you laugh. You have such a wonderful and robust belly laugh that I'll never tire of hearing. It's my favorite sound, of course! You are a bundle of running energy but you always find time to savor a good book or two. I like your style.

As for adventures, we visited Nana and Grampa up in Maine for the day one weekend. We got to have lunch on the shore in Portland and then we went to L.L. Bean. You were grumpy from a lack of nap, but you had some shining moments. We also went to Boston Common and the Public Garden one day. There, we visited with the ducks and you ran a bit in the park.

You got to visit and pose with the seal on the portion of the Common called the Carty Parade Ground, named after your great-grandfather.

Your Daddy proposed to me near there so it is a special place. You seemed to like it there, and didn't complain once during our exciting P.F. Chang's lunch. And recently, for Daddy's birthday, we went to Rockport, MA for the day and enjoyed the shops and sites. The park was especially fun for you as Daddy chased you all around and made you laugh the whole time. I think your laughter was the best gift he got that day.

I'm excited to see what new things this month will bring. I look forward to your smile every day. It lights up my heart and my life. How'd we get so lucky to have such a special angel as you?
I love you always and forever Little P.,
Love you to the moon and back,
Mama

Goodbye Summer

2010-09-27T07:30:00.000-04:00

We recently said goodbye to summer, so I made sure to document the shoes we wore most often. Together. (this was before Paige's feet decided to grow from a size 5 to a 7 within 2 days)

Balloon!

2010-09-26T17:16:00.001-04:00

The best couple of dollars ever spent. Never fails!

Treasured Moments

2010-09-22T10:29:00.002-04:00

Treasured Moment:
Last week, Paige was playing with her stacking rings. We have the wooden Ikea version (see HERE).
She's never really done anything with them except to carry around various rings and clack them together. The hole in the center of each ring is pretty small and they are the same on all the rings. The center peg is pretty narrow...basically a stick. Well, she finally figured out how to get the rings onto the peg after months of struggle. After the first, she shocked herself and excitedly put on the second...then so forth until she finished putting them on. (not in any particular order of course). I was so excited for her that I clapped and said "yaaaaaaaay!!!!". She smiled and shrieked with pleasure that she'd completed this task by herself. She practiced through the day and when DADDY!!!! came home she sat on the floor and put all the rings on the peg. She then excitedly turned to me with the biggest/widest smile and clapped her hands. She then quickly whirled her head the other way to look at Chris and clapped again. She flashed him the same excited smile...a look on her face that looked proud and almost in disbelief that she'd finally done it and we'd BOTH seen it. She looked like she'd just gotten the BEST GIFT EVERRRRR!!!! Well, after we all clapped and cheered she decided to empty the peg and do it maybe 5 more times in a row. All the while, looking exuberant after each pass. I'll never forget the excited look of pride on her face in that moment and the way she whirled her head from left to right to look at me and then Chris. *sigh*

Kisses

2010-09-13T14:18:00.004-04:00

This photo was taken quite some time ago when Paige was very small!

A few years ago I read an article somewhere that discussed chemicals that permeate our daily lives whether we want them to or not. How, no matter how diligent, we are exposed to countless chemicals in our environment that are breathed, absorbed in our skin, etc. Many of these chemicals will never leave our bodies; they stay in our systems. We all have different levels of different "toxins" in our bodies and I guess we learn to live with them. Isn't that creepy? It was a sort of "you just live with it and go on" sort of message. I buried the sentiment deep inside, hoping to forget the entire topic and its creepiness.

Some time ago, Paige was on her changing pad as I prepared her for her nap. At that particular moment, she was looking forlorn and a bit panicked at the prospect of separating from me for 2 hours. She'd managed to accumulate a big fat tear, which I wiped away with my own lips in the form of a kiss on her cheek. I then kissed each hand…in the center of each palm and closed her fingers around them. I remember saying: "here are my kisses, they will always be with you to remind you how much I love you. See? This is how you'll carry my love with you no matter where you go forever and ever." She seemed to calm and the nap began without a hitch. In the weeks since, I tell her similar things…whether it's bedtime or nap time. Sometimes I'll kiss her arms and act like I'm rubbing the kiss in as if it's lotion. I like to say "Let's rub it in good, so it stays in there for always!"
I was then reminded of that article about the chemicals and figure that I'd much rather have kisses build up in my system. I thought of all the kisses from my own Mom and Dad I've been given throughout my life. It's a wonder I'm not swelled to a thousand pounds of weight in carrying those kisses. It's a comforting thought, to know that I carry the love in the form of kisses even my grandparents gave me as a small child. Even though they have been gone for many, many years I still carry their kisses as part of me. It's an idea that I treasure. I find it so soothing.
I hope Paige likes it too, and knows that no matter how far apart we are, I am always a part of her. Not just in DNA, but in all the kisses I have given just for her. I hope they will cloak her in love so she will always feel safe and warm. The way I feel from all the kisses my parents have cloaked ME in. I carry them safely. Happy Grandparent's Day ( a day late) Mom and Dad (and to my own Grandparents who I believe are with me whenever I'm thinking of them…which is often!)

Addicted

2010-09-09T12:30:00.002-04:00

Hello!
So, yes, I've finally cut off the television for Paige during the day. No biggie, right? Well, it's a big deal to ME. See, my name is Megan and I'm a T.V.-holic. The second I wake up until the second I go to bed the television is on in the background. It always has been. With Paige around, I've kept it on Nick Jr. and she'll watch a show or two and play the rest of the time (glancing up on occasion to check it out). I know what all the research has said about television and how it has a negative effect on babies and young children and should be limited to very little or no exposure. There are a lot of factors as to why, which I won't get into here. But, I've noticed that Paige has a bit of a speech lag going on. She's not delayed as of now, just a bit of a lag. And I realized that having the T.V. on distracts her from what I am saying and so she's missing out on valuable development time. The more time spent focused on TV equals less time "talking" or listening to Mama and interacting with her. The other issue is I'm fully addicted to having the tv on. I'm fine with her watching a show here or there. But that's not how I do it...it's just on ALL the time. And I find that I can't control myself and leave it on constantly...I feel like I need it for company or something. I'm not sure what the deal is. So, as of Tuesday I turned it off for the day and have decided to do AT LEAST this whole week and continue on with no tv for Paige going forward. At least until I feel I can handle having the tv on for a show or two and trust myself to turn it back off. That first day was HARD! I was getting itchy for the tv around mid-morning and again around 4:00 or so. I had to force myself to avoid the entire tv area. And it's a lot more work to entertain and play with a busy toddler when there isn't the distraction box blaring. I'm more tired for sure. But, in a good way. The second day went well. It was still hard, but I felt more bonded to Paige and we spent more quality time doing fun things together. She seems much happier with this arrangement and is so much more cheerful (although, I detect a bit of clinginess taking place). Her focus already seems better. She's certainly able to hear everything I say and react to it. Last night, Chris even thanked me for trying this arrangement. He found he enjoyed his "Paige time" after work without the tv blaring and distracting his thoughts. They had a lot more fun together chasing each other around the house and laughing. We even ate together at the kitchen table and had quality conversation as a family. Quality all around! Something so simple is already making such a big change! It's wonderful to be present for life's beautiful little moments and I'm already starting to enjoy the peace and quiet. Did I just say that??! One day I promise myself I'll be able to put on a fun show or movie for Paige to enjoy and I will be able to turn it off once it is over; thus being able to move on to other things. I won't let it rule my life. For now, think we've made a good start and are moving in the right direction.

Treasured Moments

2010-09-08T20:40:00.004-04:00

Hi friends!
I'm sorry I've been away! Time goes so quickly and I don't realize how much time has passed since the last post. I'll expand on this in my next post, but I've eliminated the television from our daily routine as of this past Tuesday. (a challenging task for an addict like myself) Just finished the second full day of "no tv with Paige" and it's going fine. What I DO want to mention now is that it is already making me notice all the beautiful little moments we have together and all the simple things that make me smile. I thought I'd comment on them from time to time so that I have a record of them.
Treasured Moment today (1):
After Paige went to bed, I was in my closet and noticed Chris' laundry basket sitting there. Filled with freshly laundered whites...socks and undershirts. I saw Paige's little bikini bathing suit bottoms; BRIGHT pink and orange plaid, sitting on top of the clothes. She had "helped" me do the laundry by putting her clean suit where she thought it belonged. I paused and smiled as I thought of her helpful spirit wanting to contribute. It's little surprises like that during the day that make me smile. A book in an unexpected place--a random toy under the bed...evidence that a little one was there. Lucky. Lucky. Lucky. We are lucky. I remember it and treasure it.

Treasured Moment today (2):
I was feeding Paige her lunch and she only had a few bites of this and that before her head suddenly just slumped to the side with her eyes shut. I panicked and thought she choked or passed out. I poked her and she looked at me and smiled, babbling feverishly. Her eyes then sort of blinked slowly and she shut them again. She fell asleep right there! She's NEVER done that before and she'd shown NO signs of being tired before that. I decided lunch was over for that moment, brought her up for an early-ish nap and instantly and deeply fell asleep in her bed once I settled her in. I guess she was tired, but she's just never instantly sort of passed out like that before. It's like someone did the Vulcan pinch thingie. She went on to have a typical 2.25 hour nap and woke in a happy mood. I can laugh now, but sheesh!

Firsts

2010-09-08T09:25:00.001-04:00

Paige began taking spoons and pretending to eat with them with her play food. So, we let her use her own spoon for the first time to eat her sweet potatoes. Yum!

16 months

2010-08-30T06:19:00.005-04:00

Dear Little P.,

Did you know, you are my little treasure? I must tell you this a million times per day, but it's no less true. In the wee hours of the morning, when you are sitting in my lap having your milk, I like to kiss the top of your head and nuzzle my nose in your soft wispy hair. I like to breathe in the scent of your shampoo from your bath the night before. Your hair kind of sticks to my lips and I press my cheek against your head while I think about how precious you are to me. This makes the early morning something I can deal with!
You've been so busy this past month! Learning, growing, dancing, exploring. You joined Gymboree and enjoy going to the class each week. And I'M in love with the free open gym there so you can go run your little legs off in the afternoons on rainy days. You've been learning to climb there; as well as how to get down stairs/places of height on your own. It's such good practice! We've also just put a fence in so you can run and explore our yard without worrying about the danger of the road or predatory animals from the woods (hello Mr. Fox and Mr. Coyote!) and Maren the Wonder Dog can run and play freely with you without getting tangled up. I think every time we are outside she is in ecstasy now. You are enjoying your play house out there...opening and closing the shutters and doors and cabinets while you run around making busy work for yourself. It is my great joy to watch you play and exist in your world. Your attention span isn't what it used to be; although I read this is normal for your age. But, we manage to sneak in some reading time here and there through the day despite your interest in running off after 2 pages. That's ok. You have many important things to accomplish!
15 months was a great wonderous time, and now it is sailing into the past. Welcome to 16 months, my sweet pea, what wonderful things will we encounter this month?

I always have your smile; such a wonderful gift. My treasure, I love you more than the sun, moon and stars.
Love you forever and always,
Mama

Rainy Day

2010-08-25T16:48:00.003-04:00

As I mentioned in my earlier post, we are finally getting some much needed rain in our neck of the woods. That means a lot of playing inside where Paige is enjoying making a big mess of toys, shoes, and running all around. She's also doing a lot of "reading" and "cooking" with her play food. She sure does love the comic exploits from "The Far Side."
This when she's not desperately clinging to me and fussing for no real reason (but I suspect she wants to go outside). Today's visit to Gymboree class only did so much for her energy. Sun is in the forecast for tomorrow; so we will be taking full advantage of the outdoors. That much is certain!

Many faces

2010-08-22T19:01:00.003-04:00

Hi friends!
For those of you who have been following along with Paige's morning sleep chronicles, here is my latest update. It's going well! She's making it to nap time at about 12:15 or 12:30. She's usually up around 2:30 or 2:15 or so. But, she's never ready to go to bed 4 hours after that, so we just stick with 7:00pm for being in bed by. Knock on wood, she's been typically getting up at 6:15AM as the average. MUCH better than 5:15 or 5:30, right? Every minute counts darnit! I'm thrilled with the results so far. Now, I'm working on introducing more activities during the day that will tire her out.

WHAT??!! TIRE ME OUT!!??? NEVEEEEEEEERRR!!!!

(Isn't that photo hilarious? She was walking around shrieking as loudly as she could at the moment)

As I was saying, I want to tire her out more during the day. Now that she's walking so steadily I figured now was the time to try out a Gymboree class. She loved it! Paige runs around that place like a wild woman, trying out all the climbing stuff and getting into everything. She certainly isn't interested in the "class" part of it...the circle time and such...but she loves the music, bubbles, and playing on the equipment. I'm looking forward to seeing her have fun there and also enjoying the open gym times they offer. Great for indoor play when it's raining or cold!
I also have a membership for her at the gym where she can use the pool with me. It's another great way to kill a chunk of time while tiring her out. (Although I think I'M the one getting more tired out).

I thought you only wanted to tire ME out!!!??????

And..... we have a picket fence going up around our yard...I'm so excited to be able to let Maren the Wonder Dog out to run freely (no more stupid doggie run where she gets tangled or pushes her toy out of reach) and Paige can zip around without me having to worry about her running to the road or any number of dangerous "treats." I dream of being able to sit in a chair to watch her play. Because I'm a lazy bastard. C'mon, you know what I mean. Chasing her away from the street or the front steps of doom become pretty boring AND tiring after the 100th time and a girl needs to sit every once in a while, right? Again, my goal is to tire HER out, not ME. I'm tired enough for all of us anyway. So, there's a few days left until the fence is done, but now there's a rainstorm from hell blowing through for most of this week so we shall see! It doesn't rain most of the summer, and when it finally does, it's right when I'm most excited for this fence. Not that we're going to be playing out in the rain anyway so I guess it doesn't matter, does it? Indoor playing here we come! I'll stop rambling now and wish you a great start to your week!!! I hope all is well with YOU!

Laundry

2010-08-17T12:28:00.003-04:00

Where's Maren the Wonder Dog? Can you see her?

Paige slept late Vlog 3

2010-08-16T07:42:00.000-04:00

Hallelujah!!!!!

Sleep Solutions Vlog 2

2010-08-14T13:50:00.002-04:00

Thanks for all your thoughts and tips on my last post!!!! See you soon (my camera just got back from being cleaned/serviced so hopefully I can start putting some more pictures up)!!

Vlog 1...on Mornings

2010-08-12T06:34:00.005-04:00

Hello! I thought I'd try a vlog post today...not for the faint of heart as I look like poo. But, I thought it would be a good way to illustrate how I feel every day in the morning. It's the real reality, baby! woo! If you decide to watch; the topic is about our daily EARLY wakeup and how I hate it and hate feeling alone at that time of day. Anyone out there in a similar predicament with a wee one who is an early bird?
(edit) In the video I say Chris lets me sleep in one day on the weekend. ACTUALLY on Sundays I let him sleep in and when he gets up I go back to bed! haha! So, really, I'm getting extra sleep during the WHOLE weekend and not just Saturday. :)

Silos

2010-08-02T17:39:00.006-04:00

Hey friends!

Hope you guys enjoyed your weekend! Ours was filled with swimming, fun, and visiting family. Paige learned to jump yesterday...so she's officially walking, running, jumping, climbing and dancing! It's all happening too fast; it seems like yesterday she was a little worm in her Miracle Blanket. She's been pretty sassy today, but I love her anyway.

I wanted to share a pair of silo portraits I did recently...they were printed on fancy paper and the client framed them and hung them side-by-side. You can see the resemblance between the baby brother and his big sister. Fun!

15 months

2010-07-28T19:12:00.005-04:00

Dear Little P.,

You turned 15 months old today and with such zest! You began really running today, zipping around at lightning speed. You love trying to get me or Maren the wonder dog to chase you. You laugh and squeal with such glee...it makes my heart melt and catching you is one of my most favorite things! You've gotten good at climbing up onto the furniture (grrrr) but haven't yet perfected the whole issue of getting back down. I'll be happy when that's been mastered! You also love to find a set of stairs to climb up. You like to give me heart attacks like that. Since you are now climbing, it's hard to take you to the playgrounds that have play structures because you can climb up them, but they all have openings where you can fall out. So, you end up crying all the time because I take you down from them. I want to encourage you to climb, but in a safe way.

I'm now finding new places to take you that don't involve climbing structures that are huge and dangerous. The Acton Arboretum; nearby, is the perfect place. It's huge and filled with gardens, woods, trails, paths, bridges and just overall beauty to explore.

You can run completely freely and safely. You LOVE it! There's so much to explore, find, and touch. I like it because I don't have to be in panic mode and there's nothing for you to climb up and fall off of. Yet. Lucky for me you aren't climbing trees at this point. Anyway, we spent the cooler part of the morning there just enjoying the atmosphere and spending some nice time together.

Later in the day, after your nap, we went swimming at Walden Pond. Such a beautiful, clear and clean body of water but way too crowded! I think the little pond and beach just across the way will be where we spend most of our water time from now on. It's got much more room for running around and much less people! (It DOES have a darned play structure for you to climb, but you aren't interested when we are going in the water.) I hope you had a fun day today. I had fun with you. I had a hard time getting you out of the water; you kept wanting to run deeper and deeper in and you didn't even seem to mind when you accidentally went over your head and gulped too much water. I tried to seem calm in front of you but I was freaking the heck out inside. You make me want to be brave; for your sake and my own. Anyway, you are in LOVE with the water and it's fun to watch you putter all around and flail your arms in it. The joy you express is contagious to everyone around you; mostly me.

It's funny. People always warned me about how different things were to be when you started walking. There was such a negative spin on it. I was practically terrified. I was worried about all the trouble you'd get into and how I would have "so much more work." Now that it has happened, I am happy to report that I'm really enjoying myself and this time. You are definitely doing a lot more, but it's much more fun now. I was always vigilant to watch over you before, so not much has changed for me in that area. But now, I can take you places and plop you down and off you go! It's almost EASIER now. I feel like I've rejoined the world and you get to be part of it too. It's fun to watch you make discoveries and find out about the world on your own two feet. Life just got a whole lot more interesting and enriched and I'm loving every second of being with you. You really helped me get back out there and smell the roses and for that I'm forever grateful.

I'm so proud and happy for you. I'm one lucky Mama.

Love you always and forever,

Mama

Messy McMesserson

2010-07-25T13:17:00.004-04:00

A few days ago King Kong...I mean, Paige decided it was time to start spreading messy joy wherever she goes. She clears every shelf she comes to. Dumps every basket. Flings every book. It's like a horror movie. I also call her my little Godzilla. Through the day, I am constantly picking up the same spewed crap over and over. But then she just stays right with me and re-flings it all immediately after cleaning.

You walk in the room and you can't see the floor. NO FLOOR. Just where the toy-monster decided to vomit little wooden shape pieces, plastic shape pieces, stacking cups, and other various piece-y things. Then, a corner or three where the toy monster pooped a pile of books. Books EVERYWHERE. The girl loves to enjoy books, but I didn't think she'd want to tile the floor with them. They act like little banana peels making us slip and slide all over. More vomit of stuffed animals, figures, and other random doodads add a lovely sprinkle. She doesn't have TONS of toys, but she DOES have ones that happen to have a ton of pieces. Shape sorters, stacking rings, blocks, books, stacking cups, magnetic letters and the like. WHYYYYY???????

I was exhausted this morning after another clean fest gone awry. Another Godzilla attack. I swear, my eye started to twitch. After tripping for the millionth time in 2 days I decided to go through all her stuff and thin it out, to put it mildly. I asked Chris to bring a huge plastic bin of stuff and 4 bags of books to the basement all to cycle in the future once she's "tired" of what she has out now. There should be a hell of a lot less mess to clean now and should be easier for P to choose what she wants to play with. Her huge wicker laundry basket of books is gone. Now, there are only maybe 6 to choose from. I filled 4 little grocery bags with books and will rotate a bag per week so the books stay fresh.

Back in the day when people used to tell me about their toddlers and how they would run through a room and dump out everything in sight onto the floors creating general chaos I figured it was because they just let them do whatever and didn't really care about the mess. I just figured that one day I would be diligent about teaching my little one how to pick up her things. Smug bitch that I was. Well, now I have my own kid and the reality of the whole thing has shown its ugly head. Paige HAD never cared to make messes. She just sort of went from one activity to the next...would generally only take what she wanted from the shelves--one thing at a time. I thought I had gotten lucky and dodged a bullet. (HA HA HA!!!!) I also quickly learned that she is simply too young to explain about putting her toys away. I'm sure she understands maybe 15 percent of what I say. And, yes, she has selective hearing too. I had always assumed that if they walked, they could listen to you. Isn't that hilarious? I was so stoooooooopid.

I will slowly start working with her on learning how to put things away. Everything seems to have a specific home now, so that should help make it easier. But I know it will be a long time before she will be doing it. It takes a lot of repetition and time. Again; I can't believe I used to be so smug and dumb about it. Chalk it up to another parenting lesson learned. *sigh*