On mothering...

Dear Little P.,
I must tell you that with each passing day my joints hurt a little more and my body gets a little more tired. I feel like I have 2 wooden legs and hips. I have little red dots all over my body...burst blood vessels that remind me of all the extra blood I'm pumping through the 'ol machine to help you grow. My belly gets quite achy much of the time. As my physical body gears up for the rest of this third trimester my mind is turning its attentions to the future and how you'll be here in the blink of an eye! I know you've been listening to Dad as he reads you Dr. Seuss and you hear me yelling endlessly at the dog. You are able to listen in on my every conversation, joke, and thought. But I don't know what YOU are like yet. What does your voice sound like? What do you look like? What is your biggest wish? How will your belly laughs differ from your giggles? Will you scream loudly all the time? Or will you let off lots of littler whimpers instead? Are you laid back or sensitive? Will you be cheerful? Or perhaps more quiet and thoughtful? It will be such a treasure and joy to discover all the little things that make you who you are. All of this makes me wonder what kind of mother I will be. No, not in a "will I be strict or laid back" kind of way...but more of a "what kind of life do I want to give you" kind of way. I've spent a lot of quiet time thinking about this and here is what I know: I want you to be happy. I want a happy family...a happy "we." I want to create an atmosphere for a magical and imaginative childhood...one you can look back and think fondly on all the fun things we did at home, outside, in the neighborhood. I want to make simple moments into big memories. I want us to have lots of laughter and joy in our home. I want to give you the space you need to be a kid...to imagine, create, think, and make discoveries. I want to "show up" for you. Time goes by so fast and I will savor each moment we have together making magic until you will be doing that all on your own. Life is filled with obligations and daily grinds. I will certainly be strict enough. And I know there will be plenty of moments we will each cry or scream. But I promise I will do something each day to make it special for us rather than let it slip quietly away...and I will choose to focus on the positives because the negatives don't deserve such attention. My love for you is positive and something I'm positive OF. So no, I don't know all about you yet. But I know what is to come and I'm giving you my smile as I write this. I know you can feel it too.
Love always,
Mama