Paige's World

After her bottle she told us all a story!

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3 Months Old!

My dearest Paige, Hi my love! I cannot believe it, but you are 3 months old today! Time is certainly going by too fast!! And I always think that I can't possibly love you more, but then the next morning I see that gummy smile coming at me from your little bed and my heart melts and rebuilds itself with more love for you than before. It's magic! It's been such a joy watching you grow. In one week's time you started truly babbling and "talking" to me, started grabbing at objects instead of just flailing your arms, and you started sleeping through the night from around 7:30 to 5:00 or so (on averages). Sometimes you sleep until 4 am and other times you need to get fed in the middle of the night. But, more often than not, you are sleeping well. You also go right back to sleep after that morning feeding until 7 or 8. Thanks so much sweetie!!! You've started napping in your crib instead of your swing during the day and we've given up your swaddle blanket in exchange for your cozy sleep sacks. You're becoming a big girl! We are starting to see your little personality shine through and I must say you are a delight. I can tell already that you are very sweet and gentle. You have such a sweet way about you in the way you look at us and you are so generous with your smiles (when you are in a good mood!). Your whole face lights up when you smile and it just brings me to my knees. I feel so lucky when you smile at me...the ultimate gift that you can give...and it's just for me! Daddy loves it too, of course. You love to shriek and giggle at your toys as you independently play. You have such a lovely laugh and it never fails to make us laugh too. We can hear you giggling in your room in the middle of the night when you wake up; it's so joyous to hear! And finally, you have a little tooth coming in; your Godmommy noticed it at your 2 month vaccination appointment and it's still there but a little more noticeable. It's just the little tip of a tooth, and on the bottom left of your mouth. I think it's an "i" tooth...not the traditional center teeth...and it's so cute. All in all, you are a bundle of "cute-iful" as Daddy calls you. You went on a day trip with us to Gloucester on my birthday and you had a nice time strolling along the ocean line. We had lunch there too, but you were having a bit of a fuss at that time. I know you can't be in a good mood all the time! :) You also came with us on a 2-night stay at Grandma and Grandpa Carty's. Your first overnight trip was a success and you really enjoyed seeing them. More trips are in store, so I hope you are getting used to that car seat! I know you didn't like it at first, but it seems you are starting to tolerate it much better. I'm so excited to go on more adventures with you! Anyway, that's a basic summary of your 3rd month of life. And, as usual, I'm so excited about the future and am savoring each moment in the present. You are my precious little chubba-love and I love you to the moon and back a million times infinity. Love you always, Mama

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hairy situation

I'm going to look like this soon if my hair loss keeps up. I read that during pregnancy your scalp retains the hair so you don't shed very much each day like normal. Then, once the baby comes, you supposedly lose the hair you would have shed during the nine months. But it all happens generally at the same time. So, 2 weeks ago when Paige was 10 weeks my great hair shedding started. Holy geez, my hair comes out in clumps as I brush! Then, my hands pull out even more. And it's every day!!! I'm just glad I'd read about this, otherwise I'd be having a coniption. It seems like it might be finally slowing down now, but I'm not sure. Once glance at my bathroom floor would say otherwise. Sometimes I even find one or two in Paige's little fist...like a little prize. My hair is showing up everywhere! I wonder if I can pull off a bald look?

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Couch Potato

Hi friends! I first want to thank you all for your wonderful birthday wishes and sweet words! I was so touched by your lovely comments!! Thanks so much, it truly made me feel so special. And that Chris...so sweet to break in to my blog and write all that! He's a wonder! Also, thanks so much for your lovely response to my previous post about my post-partem issues...I'm feeling pretty good and am working toward recovery. My insomnia is pretty much gone and my anxiety/nervousness is gone for the most part. I feel so much more like myself again! For now I'm in an onward and upward mode. In more good news, Paige slept through from 7:30 pm-ish to 5/5:30 am the past 2 nights! I hope it continues! She'd been down to one night-waking at around 3:30 (on average) to eat and then sleeping until 7 or so. Then, 2 nights ago she went all the way to 5:00 and I about crapped myself: 1. out of surprise and 2. out of fear that something was wrong. But alas, all was well and she was fine. And no, I didn't end up crapping myself after all. I put her back to bed after this 5 am feeding and she's gone another 2-3 hours or so. My fingers are crossed for continued sleepful bliss on both our parts. In other news Paige has started babbling quite a bit (a joy!!!!) and she's even starting to grab with her hands instead of just flailing them around aimlessly all the time. I like having "conversations" with her now and she's practicing SO HARD to say "la-la-la". She's having fun discovering her tongue. So, that's the news with her!

I have a confession: before Paige was born I bought (on a whim) a Baby Einstein DVD. One for age 3 months and up. I dug it out a little while ago and plopped it in the DVD player on a lark just to see if she'd be interested in it. Well, she ended up staring at the screen for the entire duration of the DVD...from her little bouncy chair. Oh crap. She loved it and has seen it a few times since...not every day...but here and there and she continues to love it. The problem is that nobody else I know has the TV on in the house with the baby during the day. I have it on ALL DAY LONG as background noise and for myself to view while I feed her. I'll admit it here, since I like to be candid. I feel like maybe I should have it turned off as well...that I'm being some sort of bad mom for having it on and corrupting her little mind. I know she likes the sounds and the colors and lights of it and I certainly don't want her to become a couch potato. I don't want to allow her to one day sit in front of the tv all day when there is a world to explore outside...but for now I figure "what's the harm?" Some people feel like it's no big deal while others feel like it's a horrible thing. It was on the other night while Chris and I were eating dinner in the living room...and Paige was in her bouncy chair. She turned her head to see the screen and we were watching a rerun of "Bones." Of course, there was a freaky human carcass of bones and wilted flesh on the screen...being dissected by the scientists on the fictional show...and Paige was fascinated and staring. Then I realized: I'm allowing my baby daughter to see this! What the fuck is wrong with me??? She didn't seem to mind as she had no idea what she was watching...but I turned her chair away anyway since I was ashamed of myself. Next thing you know: " WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" Sheepishly, I turned her back 'round to watch the dissection, and I swear, a little smile curled on her mouth. So I told myself "hey, maybe she just wants to be a forensic scientist one day and is getting a head start with her research?!!" and I went back to what I was doing. Needless to say, the TV has been off all afternoon today and I've learned my lesson. But, I think Baby Einstein will be here to stay...who can say no to a bunch of puppets and funky looking toys all played to the music of Bach? Sure, I'll want to gouge my eyes out with an ice-pick but what's a little sacrifice for a happy baby?

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Happy Birthday Megan (from Chris)!

Well I snuck onto Megan's computer while she's upstairs sleeping in preparation for whatever time Paige gets up for her night feeding and happily I was able to get into her blog. I just wanted to send her some birthday wishes and let you all know how proud I am of her. She's been doing such an amazing job since Paige arrived. She's always been a fan of sleeping and suffice it to say her ten hour sleep sessions haven't happened for some time. Although I try to give her some break by taking the first half of the night feedings she has so much love for our daughter she unfortunately spends the bulk of that time awake thinking of her. And when I make it into bed and her shift begins she wakes up and truly believes she's been holding her all night and freaks out wondering where she went. But out of everything, the sleep is the least that Megan has sacrificed for such a great daughter.

Megan's last birthday was a tough one as we were just informed that we were losing our fourth pregnancy. We took a trip out to Rockport, MA and the beautiful scenery could only do so much to keep us from our fear of what was to come and if we would ever get to meet Paige. Well, I took the day off of work and we're on our way back with our sweet girl to show Rockport what true beauty is.

Happy Birthday Meg! I love you SO much and am proud of all you've done for our family and can't wait to see how different our lives are once again on your next birthday!

P.S. to the blog readers: please feel free to send Megan your birthday wishes and let her know if she has helped you as she has intended with her blog. Her true reason for writing this blog has always been to let others who may be going through what we did on this road to parenthood that there is always hope. I can say that I pray daily for everyone who is having trouble achieving their dream of a child that it happens for them soon and I know Megan does too.

P.P.S while we're on the subject of birthdays and Megan's blog I have to tell you the story of when she first told me about her blog. It was my birthday and we were on our way out to dinner after I had just set up my new Wii and had a blast playing the first few games (FYI Megan's nail patella syndrome has her genetically engineered for Wii bowling). In the car ride she started off saying that she really wanted to start a new blog besides her craft blog and call it "Me and Wee." I looked at her and said, "Are you freaking serious? And you say I'm competitive! One beat down in Wii bowling and you need to start a whole flipping blog?" I was a bit embarassed when I realized it was the Wee one growing inside her that she was referring to.

P.P.P.S Since I got off track Happy Birthday again Meg!

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On Anxiety

Hello friends!
When I was in high school (my Junior and Senior years) I suffered from a severe bout of depression. I lost a lot of weight and ended up at 80lbs. I had no interest in eating, no interest in life in general. I remember crying all the time, feeling guilty for the world's troubles, and the full inability to make any decision. Just before I finally got help (through therapy), I spent a full week trying to get to school on NO SLEEP. I couldn't sleep no matter what I tried and my mind was so full of chatter and thoughts...I just couldn't stop THINKING. I would lay in bed and plan, plan, plan. I would think about the future and college and think about what each day would be like...going so far as to plan each day from what I would eat for breakfast and what I would do for each minute of each day. I was looking for a sense of control when I knew my life was going to soon be drastically different. For the first time, I didn't know what was in front of me and I was terrified (although I didn't know that's what it was at the time). One morning I got out of the bed and went to select my clothes for the day. I was exhausted, and the night before found me pondering the question of whether it would hurt a lot if I just stabbed myself with a pair of scissors. (Hello!!! BIG FRIGGIN' RED FLAG!!!! NOT NORMAL THOUGHTS!) I sat there for the whole hour I had and when my Dad came in (he drove me to school in the morning) I was still in my pajamas and was crying. I couldn't decide what to wear and it was the hardest decision in the world at that moment. My Dad looked a little confused and tenderly selected an outfit for me to put on. I went to the school nurse for help later that day. I was later diagnosed with not only depression, but with anxiety disorder, adjustment disorder, and obsessive compulsive disorder (the non-stop thinking/planning). I can say now that after therapy I was able to use much of what I learned there to forge ahead and find a happy place in my life again. Since then, I've battled depression and anxiety issues on and off. Usually during times of great change. So, when I got pregnant I thought to myself "here we go! I'd better be on the lookout!". Well, it's finally reared it's ugly head. Several weeks ago I started noticing that aside from being tired all the time (which makes you feel horrible anyway) I just couldn't sleep. My mind was filled with that familiar sound of chatter and runaway thoughts. I lost interest in food. I became completely unable to make decisions. I became simply overwhelmed with life in general. I started to get insomnia...the chances I DID have to sleep found me UNABLE to sleep. And the rest of the time I just felt anxious and nervous. Not sadness or guilt this time around...just plain ANXIOUS. I've found myself wringing my hands and breathing hard. That feeling you get before a big play, or a big game...wanting to do well...the rush of adrenaline. Only I was sitting in my living room. The fact that it rained buckets almost every day didn't help. I already didn't want to leave the house, much less go out in sheets of water pouring down on us. After a small fight with my husband, I finally realized that the fact that I was blowing the tiniest things out of proportion is just not my personality...I was constantly annoyed and irritable as well as overwhelmed over nothing. That next day I called my doctor and immediately began taking prozac (does great for me in terms of evening out my emotions and is supposed to help with the anxiety) and I began working with a therapist. After 2 weeks on the medication, I'm starting to feel better. My emotions are what I'll call "smooth." No more extreme feelings of "overwhelm" or annoyance. I feel even-keeled again! The anxiousness is finally smoothing out as well. My breathing feels more normal and I don't feel so nervous all the time...which feels so freeing! I've had one therapy session so far; the therapist is so nice and friendly and was full of good advice. So, last week I joined a "mommy group" in my neighborhood and it felt so good to 1. get out of the house and 2. to make new friends and talk about all this stuff. The therapist also advised me to have at least 20 minutes of exercise per day where I sweat...to get my endorphins flowing and make me feel better. She also recommended I try to get out for 1 outing per day even if it is something very simple. Just to keep the chatter in my mind to a minimum. The fact I'd been sitting around the house day in and day out alone with my thoughts only made the problem worse. I'm sure in the weeks ahead we will find many other things to discuss that I have going on in my life and I'm so grateful to be moving forward in a proactive way. I'm writing this post so that if any of you out there are going through something similar but are thinking "oh, it will go away" or "oh, it's just my hormones" ...you'll want to take care of yourself. Don't wait too long for things to get worse before you grab control. Depression and anxiety can sneak up on you over the course of time until all the symptoms start screaming at you at the same time. It can go on for years if you let it (like it did for me back in high school). Because I've been through it before, I tell myself "these feelings are a mirage...a hallucination from imbalanced chemicals and hormones that I can now move forward and fix." My wish for you, if you are going through something similar, is to feel no shame in seeking help in whatever form that may be to set you back on the track toward peace and joy. Don't allow yourself to suffer...the same way you wouldn't let yourself suffer if you had the flu or some sort of physical illness. I'm already feeling much better and am proud I jumped to get help early on before things got much worse. Much love to you all! I'll be here soon with hopefully some more fun and less serious posts!

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July 4th Weekend

As you can see, Paige had a snazzy Fourth of July weekend! Here it is in pictures.


First, she dawned a fine frock for a visit with Nana and Grandpa Cassidy.


Grandpa made Paige laugh and smile so much!


We had a visit by a Momma turkey and her flock of babies...they even took a nap in the mulch out back.



On Sunday, we went to the town beach across the street and had a picnic and enjoyed the good weather.


She has a new swimsuit!


She enjoyed some lounging



And Laughing



Had a nice nap on Daddy


Posed for photos with the parents



Had a picnic lunch


And took in the sights


And made sure to entertain all with her Marlon Brando impression: "I made him an offer he couldn't refuse."

We're off to a great start to the week! Happy Monday to all!

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hello

Hi friends!
Just wanted to say hello and let you know we are well! I hope you are well too! Not too much new going on...
Paige had her 2 month vaccinations and it went much better than I thought it would! She cried for about a minute after them and then got over it. She never fussed afterward and there were no ill effects. Phew! She's now fully adjusted to her new formula (Similac Sensitive RS) and it's great! MUCH less gas and much less spit up. It's just better all around since she used to cry at various weird times from gas...she'd pull her legs to her chest and yell. Now, that barely happens if at all. And the nipple issue (since the formula was so much thicker we needed to find a larger nipple that worked for her) worked out. We ended up using Dr. Brown's level 2 nipple with a few holes poked in it. Of course, that's for DAYTIME. It was too slow for her at night since her sucking isn't the best when she's tired, so we use an Evenflo nipple in the night time/morning. Geez, it took a while to crack that puzzle. But we did it, and without the help of the dude from The DaVinci Code. And you know what? It's working out great! 2 different nipples and it's going just fine. Paige has been taking great naps all day now so I'm counting myself as lucky. She's still up through the night for her feedings. (she's eating mostly every 3.25 to 3.5 hours) But we made a great change: no more monitor in our room. Her room is up the hall from ours and we can hear her when she calls/cries, but I can't hear the more quiet chatter noises she makes (general fussing). I sleep so much better now and hear her when she really needs something...and it's always cries for food. I can put her down after her feeding and go right back to sleep because I'm not listening to her fusses and squawks of protest...I know she's been fed, burped, cuddled, and changed so she's fine there. I rest so much easier! I never thought I'd be able to put the monitor out of our room, but it's worked out great. I do have our door cracked open a few inches to aid in our hearing, but that's about it. So, that's the baby news around here. I'll be back soon with some more posts about news around here. I hope all is well with you!!!

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