Me and Wee: Poopaggedon

Wednesday, July 20, 2011


Ok, so anyone with a baby or toddler knows the fear of taking their kiddo to the pool or pond in terms of them wearing a swimmie diaper. What if there's a poop? And what if it, GASP, leaks?
Well, it happened to us over the weekend. And it was all the nightmare I thought it would be and more.
We were visiting my in-laws in Connecticut and we decided to take the kids to the pool and kiddie pool at their fancy country club. Paige loves it there. The kiddie pool is all fenced in, clean, large, and had lots of lounge chairs under a covered area for the moms to relax under while keeping watch. It's only 12 inches in the deepest part so kids love to frolic. It's also has the kind of posh clientele I'm just not used to. At all. I always feel so sketchy there, like a frumpy dork. So, that sets the tone for the story.
After an hour of splashing and mock swimming, I noticed Paige was getting extra vigorous in the water....standing up and then throwing herself backwards onto her butt (wrestling style) so there would be huge splashes around her. She did it a bunch. And then she came out of the pool and did it on the concrete pool deck. That's when I saw them...2 "bunny balls" came flying out the top of her diaper and landed on the deck. I saw it in slow motion like in the movies. I ran over and said, "awww shit shit shit!!!" And began scrambling to pick it up with baby wipes. My heart was RACING. A woman in a fancy straw hat and caftan nearby said "It's in the pool too! I have to tell the lifeguards!" (she said it with such disdain and disgust it reminded of me of first grade when some little douchebag said "I'm gonna tell on you!") Anyway, I look in the pool and there were a few floating bunny balls so I dove right in and scooped out what I could see.
Cue the lifguard who told us all we had to leave the kiddie pool so that they could add more chlorine and would have to be closed for the next hour. (Up until this year, it would have been closed for the DAY, but the health codes have changed).
The other moms seemed annoyed by the inconvenience and gave me the hairy eyeball. I did go around and apologize to each of them. Luckily most said "hey, it happens." But none were happy or tried to make me feel any better.
Sweating and heart-racing, I brought P to the changing room to take care of business and it was THE BIGGEST FRIGGIN POOP SHE HAS EVER DONE. AAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHH!!! *cue the horror movie music.*
I ripped off the damned diaper and shit landed everywhere. Then I noticed it was up her swim shirt, all over the swim bottoms, up the front, etc. Let's just say I was freaking the hell out and began to shake. I mean, I'm in the Taj Mahal of changing rooms. What if someone came in and saw the poo-scene from hell? I worked quickly but it took about 20 minutes to clean Paige, clean the area, and restore peace. In a dose of luck, nobody came over where we were to witness the scene. Thank you, Lord.
Paige was in great spirits during all of this and I could barely keep her still. She was wriggling, dancing, moving around. She made the poo mess so much worse.
*sigh again*
When it was all said and done, I wanted to pass out. But the pool re-opened at noon and we sheepishly re-entered the kiddie pool. Sure, I wanted to melt into the pool deck and die after I heard people talking about it later on. "Did you hear the pool was closed? Gross!" Or the little kids "I heard a kid pooped in the pool, eeeeeeeew!" etc. etc.

Note to self: Try to wait for your kid to poop BEFORE you go to the pool. If possible.


Sarah said...

I'm so sorry that happened to you. Swim diapers are the worst too because there is no good way to take them off without getting the poo everywhere.

Your story reminds me of a chapter in Tori Spelling's book where she take her son for swim lessons and he poops and the moms give her a hard time too. We've all been there I don't know why we'd ever be mean to one another about it.

Sapphire said...

I feel so bad for you! What a horrible experience! So Sorry.

Thank you for sharing the story though . . . I feel better prepared should this sort of thing ever happen to me.

Lor said...

It is terrible. But funny too :)). Sorry!! I noticed that these diapers have to be changed quite often actually. I think they can handle one little pee and not much more.

Of course it had to happen in a posh and fancy place... :(((

Lor said...

I love the way you tell the story, though. It ends up being quite funny :).

Anonymous said...

i'm sending those other mothers bad karma- we've all been in that sort of situation and need to support each other instead of giving attitude.
Of course, their nannies probably handle poop emergencies.

your retelling of it was worthy of a short piece in a magazine- send it to "Parenting" :)

Isa said...

I found my way over here via the Sleepy Time Gal. I'm sure you didn't think it was funny when it happened, but I just laughed out loud! You have a great way of expressing yourself. Thanks for the honesty.

Natalie said...

This post reminded me of some of your older funny posts (like pregnancy posts and so on)...I'd say you've found you writing style again! Great story I could almost picture it...

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