I went to the doctor yesterday for my routine visit and got to vent a little bit about all the pain I've been in when it comes to my hips, sciatica, etc. How some days I just cannot move. Some days are so painful I just cry a lot of the time. This particular doctor (I see several as part of a practice) didn't know about my struggles and said "Do you want to deliver at 39 weeks?" I about jumped a mile and yelled "Yes! If at all possible!" So, she wrote a note in the file and I guess we shall see what happens. You know what? That's 6 weeks away. 6. Six. SIX. SIIIIIIIIIIX. I'm so eager and scared all at once.
Can I share something? I've been terrified, scared and in denial most of this pregnancy that another baby is actually coming. Let me also quickly insert that I've also been thrilled and excited; but I cannot deny the overarching feeling of fear. Back in May, when we'd originally thought we'd start trying for Baby #2 I began to feel so much anxiety and stress around the whole topic. We flew down to Virginia for the wedding of close friends and I meekly admitted to Chris on the plane that I just didn't feel ready yet. With Paige's therapies and so many unknowns I just felt so overwhelmed. He seemed disappointed, but understood and was supportive. I said, "How about we wait until the fall?" That closed the topic and we had a wonderful weekend. Of course, that's the same weekend my period was late and I breathlessly peered at a positive pregnancy test just a few days later. The decision had been made. I felt a mix of emotions...mostly happiness. But I also felt confusion and fear. And those emotions slowly took over. You know, all the fears of having a second kid might conjure up along with caring for a child with some special needs. I immediately ran out and bought books about having other kids, anything to bring me comfort. I was so fearful I cried a lot; I am a planner and the great unknown of having a second baby is a lot for me to wrap my head around. I thought about the post-partum depression I'd had after giving birth to Paige. Would I go through it all again? The sleep deprivation was also very difficult for me to tolerate; I nearly went insane. Was I ready to face that again but with 2 kids? Would this next child end up having some special needs too? I nearly drove myself bonkers. So, what did I do? I put it out of my mind. I have been in denial for months; just ignoring the fact a baby is, in fact, coming. I guess it's been my way of coping with the stresses and the unknowns. Why worry about them when you have no control? This past month something miraculous has occurred: The Nesting Instinct. My mind simply will not let me forget the baby is coming. I'm running around getting little clothes washed and folded. I'm excitedly putting his room together. I'm marveling over all these little things that are going to belong to my little boy. OUR little boy. And the fear is melting away. I know from experience that there is no way to really prepare for a baby and for what is to come. You just roll with it; you DO it and you get on with it. And you enjoy each moment. Thank you, Nesting Instinct! It's the best Christmas Gift I could get. Peace of Mind and Excitement.
Who out there has had 2 or more kids? How did you cope with all the extra stress? Any advice for this fearful lady?
Thanks for listening. This has been so hard to admit. So hard to talk about. Probably the hardest words I've written in a long time. But, I'm happy to know the intensity of the fear is lifting and I'm allowing myself to feel the excitement and thrill I've been wanting and wishing for.