Thursday, December 15, 2011

Times They Are A-Changin'!

I went to the doctor yesterday for my routine visit and got to vent a little bit about all the pain I've been in when it comes to my hips, sciatica, etc. How some days I just cannot move. Some days are so painful I just cry a lot of the time. This particular doctor (I see several as part of a practice) didn't know about my struggles and said "Do you want to deliver at 39 weeks?" I about jumped a mile and yelled "Yes! If at all possible!" So, she wrote a note in the file and I guess we shall see what happens. You know what? That's 6 weeks away. 6. Six. SIX. SIIIIIIIIIIX. I'm so eager and scared all at once.

Can I share something? I've been terrified, scared and in denial most of this pregnancy that another baby is actually coming. Let me also quickly insert that I've also been thrilled and excited; but I cannot deny the overarching feeling of fear. Back in May, when we'd originally thought we'd start trying for Baby #2 I began to feel so much anxiety and stress around the whole topic. We flew down to Virginia for the wedding of close friends and I meekly admitted to Chris on the plane that I just didn't feel ready yet. With Paige's therapies and so many unknowns I just felt so overwhelmed. He seemed disappointed, but understood and was supportive. I said, "How about we wait until the fall?" That closed the topic and we had a wonderful weekend. Of course, that's the same weekend my period was late and I breathlessly peered at a positive pregnancy test just a few days later. The decision had been made. I felt a mix of emotions...mostly happiness. But I also felt confusion and fear. And those emotions slowly took over. You know, all the fears of having a second kid might conjure up along with caring for a child with some special needs. I immediately ran out and bought books about having other kids, anything to bring me comfort. I was so fearful I cried a lot; I am a planner and the great unknown of having a second baby is a lot for me to wrap my head around. I thought about the post-partum depression I'd had after giving birth to Paige. Would I go through it all again? The sleep deprivation was also very difficult for me to tolerate; I nearly went insane. Was I ready to face that again but with 2 kids? Would this next child end up having some special needs too? I nearly drove myself bonkers. So, what did I do? I put it out of my mind. I have been in denial for months; just ignoring the fact a baby is, in fact, coming. I guess it's been my way of coping with the stresses and the unknowns. Why worry about them when you have no control? This past month something miraculous has occurred: The Nesting Instinct. My mind simply will not let me forget the baby is coming. I'm running around getting little clothes washed and folded. I'm excitedly putting his room together. I'm marveling over all these little things that are going to belong to my little boy. OUR little boy. And the fear is melting away. I know from experience that there is no way to really prepare for a baby and for what is to come. You just roll with it; you DO it and you get on with it. And you enjoy each moment. Thank you, Nesting Instinct! It's the best Christmas Gift I could get. Peace of Mind and Excitement.
Who out there has had 2 or more kids? How did you cope with all the extra stress? Any advice for this fearful lady?
Thanks for listening. This has been so hard to admit. So hard to talk about. Probably the hardest words I've written in a long time. But, I'm happy to know the intensity of the fear is lifting and I'm allowing myself to feel the excitement and thrill I've been wanting and wishing for.

13 comments :

alicia said...

ohh megan, we are so similar sometimes its freaky! why don't we live closer :)

we conceived ayla in the same way. we had JUST decided to wait a few more months before trying and BAM positive test! i was freaked out, mad, sad, confused, jumbled. as time passed i got better, but honestly i still felt unprepared. the moment i caught her, the moment i held her tight to me, all the fear died, all of it. she was meant to be here with our family and i know you will feel the same.

and now you are a PRO! a mom pro who has been through this all and I promise it is easier with number 2. actually i believe everything has been easier with 2 then it was with one. i remember with ivy being soooo bored and tortured being ALONE all day, but with ayla, we had ivy to entertain us, to keep the days moving and a newborn just fits in with normal life so easily! it helped ayla was a perfect baby (ok not perfect she JUST started sleeping through the night) but i knew going into this 2nd child thing sleep would be hard to catch. i co slept with ayla, something i never could do with ivy and that made it easier for me! but everyones different.

basically you will be fine, you are a awesome mom, you are creative and fun and passionate. this baby boy is lucky to have you and i am soo excited to hear how easily he will fit into your family!

luv ya hugs

Stephanie said...

I think it's totally normal to have these thoughts. I, too, am pregnant with number 2 (five weeks behind you), and had a lot of anxiety at first (most was related to my current less-than-ideal job situation, but a lot was about the idea of having more than one). How am I going to love this new baby as much as I love my little girl? Will I be able to give her as much attention? And we still have so much to do and not enough time to do it. Last time it seemed like I just waited around for the baby to come, but this time around, with working full-time and being a full-time mother to a toddler, I just don't have any extra time or energy. But I know we'll get through it, somehow. I'm thinking good thoughts for you. And don't be afraid to ask for help!

Claire Bidwell Smith said...

I think it's so great to really talk about these feelings! They're so real and so many of us have them. Reading about your experience definitely makes me feel less alone, so thank you. And I love hearing that all the apprehension is evaporating. Looking forward to news of your little boy!

Colette said...

You're so smart to try not to worry about something you can't control. I had the same worries about my second, but actually found it easier. I knew what I was doing (somewhat) and was less stressed about stuff like feeding and sleep schedules, etc etc. Plus, knowing I would only have 2 kids, I took the extra time to just hug him and breathe in his little baby smell. And I had post-partum despression too- but now knew the symptoms and it didn't frighten me as much. It still sucked, but at least I knew what it was.
So excited for you and hope you get to deliver early!!!
Somehow it all works out- I have no idea how (I had a 21 month old when #2 was born and looking back I can't believe I did it- WITH my husband working across the country)

Lor said...

Things are much easier with a second baby. I mean, it is difficult because you have to take care of two children and the elder is sometimes jealous and can give you a hard time, or you feel guilty about not having enough time for her (the hardest part for me...), BUT (please tell me in a few weeks whether I was right) you don't have this constant feeling of fear, of not doing well, of helplessness you might have had with a first baby. And it is GREAT.

I also was in a sort of denial. I just missed my eldest as we could'nt spend our vacation together. It was hard and I was SO relieved when the doctors asked me whether I wanted to deliver early... Just like you. Except that when the 39th week arrived, my body was not ready at all. So we had to wait until the end!

Ashley said...

Gosh. I have to say I feel so relieved when I hear tell the truth about being scared/nervous/whatever about having kids. I don't have any yet. But I can't help but feel a bit nervous. That our child will have a disability, that I won't be able to get pregnant, that having a child will push us over the edge and we won't be able to maintain our strong bond. I don't spend all of my time worrying (we haven't even started trying) but I do consider that it won't be as happy and perfect as most blogs make it seem! So thanks for posting...and I'm so glad your nesting instinct kicked in!

Lor said...

And when they told us we had to wait a bit more, first I was disappointed to tears, but right after that, I was relieved to know that this baby would stay warm as long as she needed. Now I am happy about it. After all, it was just 10 more days and then she was born naturally.
But I felt exactly like you when they offered me to give birth earlier... Now I am happy it didn't happen.

Megan said...

@Lor, let's hope I feel that way. I spent the entire last night crying and screaming in pain. I can get around on crutches, but sometimes those don't help when I can't put any weight on my legs. I hurt just sitting still or even laying down. Nothing helps and I'm allergic to the meds that could help me a little. 6 weeks can't go fast enough thanks to this torture. AGGH!

NKD said...

Your honesty is touching. I only have one baby girl for now but I can relate so well to your feelings regarding baby#2.

I can't relate to the pain you are constantly in and my heart goes out to you. I hope you have lots of help because that must be so difficult to deal with day to day. It's just as important to write about the not so great times because whether we like it or not that's life and that's what you are living right now.

I know that I am not yet ready for #2 for a few reasons. It's nice to hear that I am not the only one with this thinking. But I also know that things happen for a reason and that in the big picture a few months or even a year isn't as big of a deal as we might originally think.

I wish you lots of good labour vibes, and I'm sure once baby arrives all will fall into place.

PS I love popping into your blog and I can't wait to see baby boy's room and hear about his arrival. Little P's room was the inspiration for my Rylee's room (who is now 18 months)and I get many compliments on it, especially the colour!

Natalie

Berta said...

Would massage, chiropractic, or some other type of body work help? My doula just told me about this: floating in an epsom salt soak. Apparently it takes all the pressure off your joints. She loves to do that after attending a birth when she's very sore and get a break from her kids (she has 3) and she doesn't like massages. Apparently she feels more energized afterwords, and all her pain disappears. I got a coupon for a local service and am waiting to treat myself.

Carolyn said...

I feel exactly the same! My daughter is the same age as Paige and I'm currently 6 months pregnant with baby #2 and while I am beyond excited, I am also beyond terrified. I'm pretty sure that those first few weeks (and months) after my daughter was born nearly killed me. Me and sleep deprivation do not go well together and on top of that I had a ton of post-partum anxiety. It was rough and I remember thinking "I am never doing this again." And yet here I am doing it again. I'm hoping that things will go a bit better this time - mostly because I'll have more realistic expectations but I also know that I can get through whatever comes. I may not get through it gracefully...but I'll get through it :)

Anonymous said...

My second little boy just turned 3 months yesterday so I understand what you are going through. I had a really hard pregnancy with morning sickness the entire time and severe back pain like you have. By the end of my pregnancy I could barely walk and was in pain 24 hours a day. The good news was that after a hard pregnancy I had my baby quickly and naturally. The next day I was walking around and felt better than I had the entire 9 months! I hope the same happens to you! Having 2 kids has been hard, but also the most wonderful thing that has happened to me. Just to let you know that my first son had extreme colic and my husband and I went back and forth about whether we would even have another baby. I am so glad we did because it was the best decision we ever made. I wish you and your family the best and have a wonderful Christmas!

Lor said...

I guess you are right... With so much pain I don't think I would have been able to hold much longer. My pregnancy was super easy, though I could not see the end of it, but I had no good reason to hurry up... Which you definitely have. But now you don't have to wait much longer!

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