Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Questions you don't ask

Hi!
So, over the weekend Chris gave me some time, so I ran to get a manicure (get the old gel one removed and a regular one done instead) at a new place. The person doing my nails (once I sat down) said "So! When are you due?" *cue the Debbie Downer music*. The air fizzled right out of me. I didn't want her to feel bad, so I smiled and said "oh, no no no, I had the baby 2 months ago...I still have a belly that hasn't really gone down yet."
My belly was mostly gone by now with Paige, but this time around my stomach was bigger and I continue to look 4 or 5 months pregnant. I sometimes use a post-partum belly support and sometimes I use Spanx. That day I was brave to go without, or so I thought! LOL
Anyway, here are some questions you just don't ask:
1. When are you due? or Are you pregnant?
Just don't ask unless the other person has brought it up first. Or, if you are in the delivery room and the baby is flying out of her "deal" at that moment. Also, asking if someone is pregnant is asking them to deliver info they might not be ready to deliver yet OR they may not be pregnant and you make them feel bad about having a big lunch.
2. Soooo! When are you guys having kids? or Sooooo! YOU must be next to have a baby! (etc.)
This is personal. So many people are having issues with conceiving and it's a very difficult time. You never know who is having these troubles and that question can cause stress and tears. Take it from me. Just don't ask. And, some people don't WANT children and don't want to have to explain themselves. It's an invasive question that leads us to...
3. When are you two getting married?
Mind your own business! And don't make the happy couple feel all awkward and weird. He'll propose if he's darn well ready. Leave them alone already! And if they plan to break up, well, that's their business too.
4. When are you gonna have Baby Number Two?
Ugh. Some people only want one kid. Or, sometimes people have an impossible time conceiving a second child. Or, some are actively trying and don't want to share. Don't ask, unless you are a close friend and are already in the private loop.

What other questions do you find invasive?

And just because you visited today, here's a fun photo:
sticker noses

17 comments :

Erin Tagle said...

Ugh! We get the "When you having #2?" all the time. I'm like, "Can I just enjoy my #1 for awhile?!!!"

alicia said...

one of the worst for me was people asking "so when are you having kids?" then i would share our heart breaking story of trying to concieve and they would respond with "don't worry your young!" OR "why don't you JUST adopt!" JUST adopt ahhh drives me crazy :(

Megan said...

Totally!!! On both comments! Arg!
Alicia, "just adopt." What a giggler. People have no idea until they are the ones wearing the shoes.

graceandme said...

For me, what's worse than being asked when I am having number two, is when I tell them I'm sticking to just one, they tell me I will change my mind. Everyone does!

Suzanne said...

Here's a fun one: I had recess duty the other day, and one of the paraprofessionals comes up to me and says, "Where are the babies?". I played dumb, looked around with a confused expression and replied, "Babies? I don't see any babies out here, just 4th graders". You would think she would get the hint, but she continued, "No, YOUR babies! We're all waiting!!". I must've had a look on my face because then she said, "Not yet?" and I spat out, "No, NOT YET". Argh. Another good one: after returning back to work after being out for a week for surgery BECAUSE I CAN'T GET PREGNANT, a coworker/parent of one of my students comes up to me all excited and asks if I am pregnant because "I heard 2 teachers are expecting and I just figured one had to be you". ARGH!

Lissa914us said...

I get the, "When are you due?" a ton still, I've lost 40 lbs and after 3 kids my belly has just about had it. Nevermind if I'm bloated for one reason or another. But I also get the "So are you going to try for a boy?" Don't get me wrong, I love kids I have 3 of them. My third WAS that try and look what I got. I got enough work for 3 more kids for the price of one! LOL But I hate the are you pregnant again (Just recently someone said in a not so nice tone, "Your pregnant AGAIN?" Like I've had a million kids compared to his daughters 5 kids. I am so done answering that question sometimes, I just say, "No, I'm just fat." It usually gets them to walk away slowly.

Julia said...

We also get "When are you having baby #2?" all the time. We are only having one child. I wish people would mind there own business.

Sally said...

We found out we were pregnant with my first son about 3 months after we got married. I can't tell you how many people asked if we planned it! Mind your own business, people!!!

Lor said...

Ugh, these questions! I think I got pretty much all of them yet! Well, at least we have 2 kids now but we ARE NOT MARRIED, so, we keep getting this one, of course.
I would never, never ask someone "are you pregnant" since some women look pregnant when they get treatment in order to have a chance getting pregnant. And some women just have a little belly and do not want to have kids and why should this be everyone's business??
Thaks for this post, though, it is funny after all. Sad too, but funny.

Valery said...

Ahh! Story of my life right now. I was hoping it was because the tech-ie people I work can be low on the social awareness scale. An acquaintance co-worker, to my face, said "So was it planned or unplanned?" UM, WHAT.
Although I have to admit I do like seeing people squirm while they poke at "how's things? anything going on?" to try and get me to come out and say it. Muahaha.

Anonymous said...

As for "When you having #2?" I hate it too, because I would love #2 but my husband does not for sure, so it just brings some old arguments back!

Anne said...

I am so glad to hear you say this! My family keeps telling me that I am too sensitive about being asked when we are having a second child. We chose not to share with anyone that it took us four years and medical intervention to conceive the first. We aren't ready to go through that again, but I don't say that because it's no one's business but ours. People are so nosy.

Home Sweet Home Place said...

OMG! Great post! I got asked when I was due weeks after Charlotte was born. It was so awkward and I got so flustered that I LIED and said I was due any day!! And the guy that asked me was my FED EX guy...so why I cared what he thought?? I have no idea!! I think you look fabulous and your kids are darling. WTH else matters, right?! xoxo

Kellie said...

Well said!!!!!!! I was asked at 14 weeks by someone at work (within earshot of students!!!), before I told anyone at work while waiting to find out if everything was going okay... And along the way so many people I don't know have made comments--even before it was no doubt obvious (and could have been a post-partum belly)--can't wait to smack a few strangers in a couple of months (or maybe help to violently insert their own feet into their mouths)... And if one more person touches my belly (especially after!) they better be wearing armor!!! And what is up with asking about #2 before even completely surviving the experience with #1???? (Okay, I think the hormones are taking over my typing fingers... :) )

Unknown said...

How about not asking a pregnant woman how much weight she's gained? I'm 5 months pregnant and have gained about 20 lbs so far. I'm by no means beating myself up over it, but I don't get why women think this question is suddenly ok when a woman is pregnant, even though they'd never dream of asking it to a non-pregnant woman. How about you wait to ask til after the woman has had the baby and clearly lost all the weight, or better yet, mind your own business.

Lor said...

I love Kellie's comment... Touche the belly, especially AFTER, OMG, that would be insane ;).

Marguerite said...

Most intrusive for me: questions from *father*-in-law about where I am in my cycle. I know it's a cultural thing, as I'm "unclean" then, but still... no.

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