Before Paige was born I was scared about all the gross things that would come my way...baby-related things. You know, being pooped on, barfed on, etc. I knew it would all be inevitable, but somewhere deep down, secretly, I'd hoped that I'd be able to avoid some of those things. I've quickly learned that I'd never be immune to the grossness that can surround you when a baby is there too.
1. Sketchy Boobs:
They sort of resemble something out of National Geographic magazine right now. Thank God for push-up bras. There's also some interesting stretch marks on them. But those are everywhere on me now. Earning your stripes doesn't only count if you are in the military.
I don't mind changing the poopy diaper. It's not so bad, really. At least not yet. Sometimes I'll gag a little, but don't tell Paige. It's when she "sharts" (shitting and farting at the same time) a BIG one and sometimes it will leak out the edge of the diaper and I won't know about it. It's usually when I'm feeding her. I'll be holding her and feel dampness and either A.) with my hand...where I then smell it and GAG upon the realization it is poop. or B.) will move her a little and find that there is a big wet spot on my shirt that is brownish in color and GAG upon the realization that it is poop and is also soaked onto my skin THROUGH my shirt. GAG again.
3. Spit up:
I don't mind a little spit up here and there. Not so bad, and I just wipe it right up. It's when she projectile flings it across her body or the room. It SPLOOSHES onto everything in the area and is a big pain in my ass to clean up. And the dog loves to jump in on the fun by trying to lick it up. GAG again. One time, while I was burping her, she turned her head and SPLOOSHED her "middle of the night burrito" (as I like to call her feeding) right into the side of my face. There was a lot of it, so it dripped down and right into the neck of my shirt, covering my National Geographic chest with her mucousy spit up. There was quite a bit, so I had to change my shirt, etc. right away. I didn't gag that time, but was a little grossed out. I also gave my face a nice washing after that.
I've wiped a lot of boogers in my life. But I'd always hoped I could get away with not having to use a bulb syringe on a baby. No luck. When she had her cold, I had to suck out each of Paige's nostrils all day. It wasn't all that bad since it was so much like liquid. But then, the other day I noticed she was snorting funny and I could see that there were boogers way up in there. With the bulb syringe again, I worked one out (it took some doing!) and I swear to God it was about an inch long. I gagged a good bit at that one. To be honest.
5. Rectal Temperature:
This one I secretly hoped I would never have to do. Besides, we have a fancy ear thermometer that claims it's more accurate than that. But dammit, the pediatrician's office DEMANDS her temp be given rectally. At least for now anyway. So when we called to ask how to handle her cold, they immediatly wanted the dreaded temp. NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! *sigh*
We whipped out THAT thermometer (the one I'd hoped we'd never have to open the package for) and covered it in the Vaseline. It actually turned out to be pretty easy. Paige just hung out on the changing table on her diaper. She didn't even poop on me during it AND she stayed perfectly calm. I was freaking out the whole time but felt much better once it was over. All in all, it was no big deal and a whole lot of worry about nothing.
Later in the future I'll be dealing with actual vomit and puke. But for now, I've been saved. Hey, I used to work summers at a day care and the worst mess was when an 8-year old girl projectile vomited her entire lunch all over the bathroom. Not IN the toilet, mind you, but ALL OVER IT and all over the pipes that attach it, and all over the sink, wall, floor, etc. It must have been some sort of "Exorcist" moment. I didn't see it happen, but that was some GROSS clean up I had to do. It took me an hour to clean. I still have flashbacks and nightmares. I dealt with a lot of gross things at that job, but that incident stands out quite a bit! So, I feel like if I can clean up some kid who isn't even mine's puke then I can jolly well be able to clean up my OWN kid's puke. Unless I bat my eyelashes and beg my husband to do it instead. I'm not above that you know.
Have I sufficiently grossed you out yet???
Be well friends, and we are surviving the "peak of fussiness" that is week 6. It sucks a lot. She cries and fusses a lot (especially after 4 pm). And she's spitting up a lot (because her tummy get's so tight). Her sleep isn't the best right now either. BUT we'd been warned about all of these things and that they would happen this week. So, at least I'm not surprised. Needless to say, we are SO looking forward to next week! In the meantime, I love to watch her sleep the little during the day that she does. I still can't believe that little miracle came from us! And despite all the "gross" things that come from her, she remains incredibly lovable and cute and I will always come back for more no matter WHAT she does!