Paige's World

After her bottle she told us all a story!

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3 Months Old!

My dearest Paige, Hi my love! I cannot believe it, but you are 3 months old today! Time is certainly going by too fast!! And I always think that I can't possibly love you more, but then the next morning I see that gummy smile coming at me from your little bed and my heart melts and rebuilds itself with more love for you than before. It's magic! It's been such a joy watching you grow. In one week's time you started truly babbling and "talking" to me, started grabbing at objects instead of just flailing your arms, and you started sleeping through the night from around 7:30 to 5:00 or so (on averages). Sometimes you sleep until 4 am and other times you need to get fed in the middle of the night. But, more often than not, you are sleeping well. You also go right back to sleep after that morning feeding until 7 or 8. Thanks so much sweetie!!! You've started napping in your crib instead of your swing during the day and we've given up your swaddle blanket in exchange for your cozy sleep sacks. You're becoming a big girl! We are starting to see your little personality shine through and I must say you are a delight. I can tell already that you are very sweet and gentle. You have such a sweet way about you in the way you look at us and you are so generous with your smiles (when you are in a good mood!). Your whole face lights up when you smile and it just brings me to my knees. I feel so lucky when you smile at me...the ultimate gift that you can give...and it's just for me! Daddy loves it too, of course. You love to shriek and giggle at your toys as you independently play. You have such a lovely laugh and it never fails to make us laugh too. We can hear you giggling in your room in the middle of the night when you wake up; it's so joyous to hear! And finally, you have a little tooth coming in; your Godmommy noticed it at your 2 month vaccination appointment and it's still there but a little more noticeable. It's just the little tip of a tooth, and on the bottom left of your mouth. I think it's an "i" tooth...not the traditional center teeth...and it's so cute. All in all, you are a bundle of "cute-iful" as Daddy calls you. You went on a day trip with us to Gloucester on my birthday and you had a nice time strolling along the ocean line. We had lunch there too, but you were having a bit of a fuss at that time. I know you can't be in a good mood all the time! :) You also came with us on a 2-night stay at Grandma and Grandpa Carty's. Your first overnight trip was a success and you really enjoyed seeing them. More trips are in store, so I hope you are getting used to that car seat! I know you didn't like it at first, but it seems you are starting to tolerate it much better. I'm so excited to go on more adventures with you! Anyway, that's a basic summary of your 3rd month of life. And, as usual, I'm so excited about the future and am savoring each moment in the present. You are my precious little chubba-love and I love you to the moon and back a million times infinity. Love you always, Mama

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hairy situation

I'm going to look like this soon if my hair loss keeps up. I read that during pregnancy your scalp retains the hair so you don't shed very much each day like normal. Then, once the baby comes, you supposedly lose the hair you would have shed during the nine months. But it all happens generally at the same time. So, 2 weeks ago when Paige was 10 weeks my great hair shedding started. Holy geez, my hair comes out in clumps as I brush! Then, my hands pull out even more. And it's every day!!! I'm just glad I'd read about this, otherwise I'd be having a coniption. It seems like it might be finally slowing down now, but I'm not sure. Once glance at my bathroom floor would say otherwise. Sometimes I even find one or two in Paige's little fist...like a little prize. My hair is showing up everywhere! I wonder if I can pull off a bald look?

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Couch Potato

Hi friends! I first want to thank you all for your wonderful birthday wishes and sweet words! I was so touched by your lovely comments!! Thanks so much, it truly made me feel so special. And that Chris...so sweet to break in to my blog and write all that! He's a wonder! Also, thanks so much for your lovely response to my previous post about my post-partem issues...I'm feeling pretty good and am working toward recovery. My insomnia is pretty much gone and my anxiety/nervousness is gone for the most part. I feel so much more like myself again! For now I'm in an onward and upward mode. In more good news, Paige slept through from 7:30 pm-ish to 5/5:30 am the past 2 nights! I hope it continues! She'd been down to one night-waking at around 3:30 (on average) to eat and then sleeping until 7 or so. Then, 2 nights ago she went all the way to 5:00 and I about crapped myself: 1. out of surprise and 2. out of fear that something was wrong. But alas, all was well and she was fine. And no, I didn't end up crapping myself after all. I put her back to bed after this 5 am feeding and she's gone another 2-3 hours or so. My fingers are crossed for continued sleepful bliss on both our parts. In other news Paige has started babbling quite a bit (a joy!!!!) and she's even starting to grab with her hands instead of just flailing them around aimlessly all the time. I like having "conversations" with her now and she's practicing SO HARD to say "la-la-la". She's having fun discovering her tongue. So, that's the news with her!

I have a confession: before Paige was born I bought (on a whim) a Baby Einstein DVD. One for age 3 months and up. I dug it out a little while ago and plopped it in the DVD player on a lark just to see if she'd be interested in it. Well, she ended up staring at the screen for the entire duration of the DVD...from her little bouncy chair. Oh crap. She loved it and has seen it a few times since...not every day...but here and there and she continues to love it. The problem is that nobody else I know has the TV on in the house with the baby during the day. I have it on ALL DAY LONG as background noise and for myself to view while I feed her. I'll admit it here, since I like to be candid. I feel like maybe I should have it turned off as well...that I'm being some sort of bad mom for having it on and corrupting her little mind. I know she likes the sounds and the colors and lights of it and I certainly don't want her to become a couch potato. I don't want to allow her to one day sit in front of the tv all day when there is a world to explore outside...but for now I figure "what's the harm?" Some people feel like it's no big deal while others feel like it's a horrible thing. It was on the other night while Chris and I were eating dinner in the living room...and Paige was in her bouncy chair. She turned her head to see the screen and we were watching a rerun of "Bones." Of course, there was a freaky human carcass of bones and wilted flesh on the screen...being dissected by the scientists on the fictional show...and Paige was fascinated and staring. Then I realized: I'm allowing my baby daughter to see this! What the fuck is wrong with me??? She didn't seem to mind as she had no idea what she was watching...but I turned her chair away anyway since I was ashamed of myself. Next thing you know: " WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" Sheepishly, I turned her back 'round to watch the dissection, and I swear, a little smile curled on her mouth. So I told myself "hey, maybe she just wants to be a forensic scientist one day and is getting a head start with her research?!!" and I went back to what I was doing. Needless to say, the TV has been off all afternoon today and I've learned my lesson. But, I think Baby Einstein will be here to stay...who can say no to a bunch of puppets and funky looking toys all played to the music of Bach? Sure, I'll want to gouge my eyes out with an ice-pick but what's a little sacrifice for a happy baby?

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Happy Birthday Megan (from Chris)!

Well I snuck onto Megan's computer while she's upstairs sleeping in preparation for whatever time Paige gets up for her night feeding and happily I was able to get into her blog. I just wanted to send her some birthday wishes and let you all know how proud I am of her. She's been doing such an amazing job since Paige arrived. She's always been a fan of sleeping and suffice it to say her ten hour sleep sessions haven't happened for some time. Although I try to give her some break by taking the first half of the night feedings she has so much love for our daughter she unfortunately spends the bulk of that time awake thinking of her. And when I make it into bed and her shift begins she wakes up and truly believes she's been holding her all night and freaks out wondering where she went. But out of everything, the sleep is the least that Megan has sacrificed for such a great daughter.

Megan's last birthday was a tough one as we were just informed that we were losing our fourth pregnancy. We took a trip out to Rockport, MA and the beautiful scenery could only do so much to keep us from our fear of what was to come and if we would ever get to meet Paige. Well, I took the day off of work and we're on our way back with our sweet girl to show Rockport what true beauty is.

Happy Birthday Meg! I love you SO much and am proud of all you've done for our family and can't wait to see how different our lives are once again on your next birthday!

P.S. to the blog readers: please feel free to send Megan your birthday wishes and let her know if she has helped you as she has intended with her blog. Her true reason for writing this blog has always been to let others who may be going through what we did on this road to parenthood that there is always hope. I can say that I pray daily for everyone who is having trouble achieving their dream of a child that it happens for them soon and I know Megan does too.

P.P.S while we're on the subject of birthdays and Megan's blog I have to tell you the story of when she first told me about her blog. It was my birthday and we were on our way out to dinner after I had just set up my new Wii and had a blast playing the first few games (FYI Megan's nail patella syndrome has her genetically engineered for Wii bowling). In the car ride she started off saying that she really wanted to start a new blog besides her craft blog and call it "Me and Wee." I looked at her and said, "Are you freaking serious? And you say I'm competitive! One beat down in Wii bowling and you need to start a whole flipping blog?" I was a bit embarassed when I realized it was the Wee one growing inside her that she was referring to.

P.P.P.S Since I got off track Happy Birthday again Meg!

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On Anxiety

Hello friends!
When I was in high school (my Junior and Senior years) I suffered from a severe bout of depression. I lost a lot of weight and ended up at 80lbs. I had no interest in eating, no interest in life in general. I remember crying all the time, feeling guilty for the world's troubles, and the full inability to make any decision. Just before I finally got help (through therapy), I spent a full week trying to get to school on NO SLEEP. I couldn't sleep no matter what I tried and my mind was so full of chatter and thoughts...I just couldn't stop THINKING. I would lay in bed and plan, plan, plan. I would think about the future and college and think about what each day would be like...going so far as to plan each day from what I would eat for breakfast and what I would do for each minute of each day. I was looking for a sense of control when I knew my life was going to soon be drastically different. For the first time, I didn't know what was in front of me and I was terrified (although I didn't know that's what it was at the time). One morning I got out of the bed and went to select my clothes for the day. I was exhausted, and the night before found me pondering the question of whether it would hurt a lot if I just stabbed myself with a pair of scissors. (Hello!!! BIG FRIGGIN' RED FLAG!!!! NOT NORMAL THOUGHTS!) I sat there for the whole hour I had and when my Dad came in (he drove me to school in the morning) I was still in my pajamas and was crying. I couldn't decide what to wear and it was the hardest decision in the world at that moment. My Dad looked a little confused and tenderly selected an outfit for me to put on. I went to the school nurse for help later that day. I was later diagnosed with not only depression, but with anxiety disorder, adjustment disorder, and obsessive compulsive disorder (the non-stop thinking/planning). I can say now that after therapy I was able to use much of what I learned there to forge ahead and find a happy place in my life again. Since then, I've battled depression and anxiety issues on and off. Usually during times of great change. So, when I got pregnant I thought to myself "here we go! I'd better be on the lookout!". Well, it's finally reared it's ugly head. Several weeks ago I started noticing that aside from being tired all the time (which makes you feel horrible anyway) I just couldn't sleep. My mind was filled with that familiar sound of chatter and runaway thoughts. I lost interest in food. I became completely unable to make decisions. I became simply overwhelmed with life in general. I started to get insomnia...the chances I DID have to sleep found me UNABLE to sleep. And the rest of the time I just felt anxious and nervous. Not sadness or guilt this time around...just plain ANXIOUS. I've found myself wringing my hands and breathing hard. That feeling you get before a big play, or a big game...wanting to do well...the rush of adrenaline. Only I was sitting in my living room. The fact that it rained buckets almost every day didn't help. I already didn't want to leave the house, much less go out in sheets of water pouring down on us. After a small fight with my husband, I finally realized that the fact that I was blowing the tiniest things out of proportion is just not my personality...I was constantly annoyed and irritable as well as overwhelmed over nothing. That next day I called my doctor and immediately began taking prozac (does great for me in terms of evening out my emotions and is supposed to help with the anxiety) and I began working with a therapist. After 2 weeks on the medication, I'm starting to feel better. My emotions are what I'll call "smooth." No more extreme feelings of "overwhelm" or annoyance. I feel even-keeled again! The anxiousness is finally smoothing out as well. My breathing feels more normal and I don't feel so nervous all the time...which feels so freeing! I've had one therapy session so far; the therapist is so nice and friendly and was full of good advice. So, last week I joined a "mommy group" in my neighborhood and it felt so good to 1. get out of the house and 2. to make new friends and talk about all this stuff. The therapist also advised me to have at least 20 minutes of exercise per day where I sweat...to get my endorphins flowing and make me feel better. She also recommended I try to get out for 1 outing per day even if it is something very simple. Just to keep the chatter in my mind to a minimum. The fact I'd been sitting around the house day in and day out alone with my thoughts only made the problem worse. I'm sure in the weeks ahead we will find many other things to discuss that I have going on in my life and I'm so grateful to be moving forward in a proactive way. I'm writing this post so that if any of you out there are going through something similar but are thinking "oh, it will go away" or "oh, it's just my hormones" ...you'll want to take care of yourself. Don't wait too long for things to get worse before you grab control. Depression and anxiety can sneak up on you over the course of time until all the symptoms start screaming at you at the same time. It can go on for years if you let it (like it did for me back in high school). Because I've been through it before, I tell myself "these feelings are a mirage...a hallucination from imbalanced chemicals and hormones that I can now move forward and fix." My wish for you, if you are going through something similar, is to feel no shame in seeking help in whatever form that may be to set you back on the track toward peace and joy. Don't allow yourself to suffer...the same way you wouldn't let yourself suffer if you had the flu or some sort of physical illness. I'm already feeling much better and am proud I jumped to get help early on before things got much worse. Much love to you all! I'll be here soon with hopefully some more fun and less serious posts!

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July 4th Weekend

As you can see, Paige had a snazzy Fourth of July weekend! Here it is in pictures.


First, she dawned a fine frock for a visit with Nana and Grandpa Cassidy.


Grandpa made Paige laugh and smile so much!


We had a visit by a Momma turkey and her flock of babies...they even took a nap in the mulch out back.



On Sunday, we went to the town beach across the street and had a picnic and enjoyed the good weather.


She has a new swimsuit!


She enjoyed some lounging



And Laughing



Had a nice nap on Daddy


Posed for photos with the parents



Had a picnic lunch


And took in the sights


And made sure to entertain all with her Marlon Brando impression: "I made him an offer he couldn't refuse."

We're off to a great start to the week! Happy Monday to all!

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hello

Hi friends!
Just wanted to say hello and let you know we are well! I hope you are well too! Not too much new going on...
Paige had her 2 month vaccinations and it went much better than I thought it would! She cried for about a minute after them and then got over it. She never fussed afterward and there were no ill effects. Phew! She's now fully adjusted to her new formula (Similac Sensitive RS) and it's great! MUCH less gas and much less spit up. It's just better all around since she used to cry at various weird times from gas...she'd pull her legs to her chest and yell. Now, that barely happens if at all. And the nipple issue (since the formula was so much thicker we needed to find a larger nipple that worked for her) worked out. We ended up using Dr. Brown's level 2 nipple with a few holes poked in it. Of course, that's for DAYTIME. It was too slow for her at night since her sucking isn't the best when she's tired, so we use an Evenflo nipple in the night time/morning. Geez, it took a while to crack that puzzle. But we did it, and without the help of the dude from The DaVinci Code. And you know what? It's working out great! 2 different nipples and it's going just fine. Paige has been taking great naps all day now so I'm counting myself as lucky. She's still up through the night for her feedings. (she's eating mostly every 3.25 to 3.5 hours) But we made a great change: no more monitor in our room. Her room is up the hall from ours and we can hear her when she calls/cries, but I can't hear the more quiet chatter noises she makes (general fussing). I sleep so much better now and hear her when she really needs something...and it's always cries for food. I can put her down after her feeding and go right back to sleep because I'm not listening to her fusses and squawks of protest...I know she's been fed, burped, cuddled, and changed so she's fine there. I rest so much easier! I never thought I'd be able to put the monitor out of our room, but it's worked out great. I do have our door cracked open a few inches to aid in our hearing, but that's about it. So, that's the baby news around here. I'll be back soon with some more posts about news around here. I hope all is well with you!!!

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2 months

Happy 2-month birthday Paige!!! We love you so much! We are so proud of you!

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Reflecting

Hi friends! There's an actual break in the clouds/rain here! It's only supposed to last an hour or so, but it's so nice to see the sun for the first time in weeks! Woooo!
I've been meaning to write about my thoughts on my pregnancy now that I am looking at it in a metaphorical rear-view mirror. When people asked me "are you enjoying your pregnancy?" I found it so hard to answer! I guess that's because my situation was so complicated. The short answer was always "oh yes! I am so blessed and lucky and am thrilled to be on this ride." The truth is, the first trimester was horrible. I couldn't help it, I'd put my excitement on the backburner since I'd had 4 pregnancy losses before. No reason to get excited, right? I wanted so badly to let go and let myself feel the joy. But all I felt was terror. Gripping terror. I was so scared of losing this pregnancy too...I barely slept at night. Fear gripped my body all day long and it was all I could think about. With each passing day I felt a little better, but also deeper in fear. I wouldn't wish that stress on anyone. I literally ate, slept, and breathed terror. My chest was tight and it was always hard to breathe. Of course, no matter how hard I tried I couldn't relax. Which made me worry about the wee one inside of me...was I making her sick? UGH. It was a vicious cycle. It didn't help that I had a lot of spotting and a hematoma that threatened the embryo. The second trimester saw me with a little less fear, but dealing with discovering her 2 -vessel umbilical cord and her sketchy 1st-trimester screen results. We were worried about her heart and kidney development. I was worried she'd run out of room in my T-shaped uterus and be born viciously early. It was always something! I truly loved the third trimester. I relaxed and knew that every week meant I had a "more viable" baby than the week before. The odds improved so much with each day that I finally relaxed and let myself enjoy being pregnant without so much fear. It was a short but wonderful time.
Sometimes I find myself jealous of others who had easy pregnancies or who never have had to go through so much loss. I'm happy for them, but jealous and wish those great things for myself. I will never have a terror-free pregnancy. I will never have that naive joy from day one. I'm not complaining though; I was finally able to experience it and that is the bottom line. How it happened turns out to be irrelevant. There is no room to envy others when I have been given this gift myself. Someday, perhaps in a few years, we will try again for another child. And frankly, I don't know HOW I will go through it all again. But I know that I will try. I don't know if it will work. I am hoping! The joy we feel on the other side; now that Paige is here, is so worth it. Mothering doesn't start when the baby is born. It starts at the moment of conception as you go about doing whatever it takes mentally and physically to keep that baby safe even when it is out of your hands. It starts with the dream of having a child and all you do to make it happen along the way...whether with help from doctors, no help at all, or through adoption. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't marvel at my little girl and feel so appreciative. But it came with a heavy price...but I would pay that price every single day forever and ever as long as I can have Paige here in my life.

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Dear Little P.

Dear Little P,
You are 8 weeks old! You've had a busy two months of living so far! Phew! It's no wonder you are napping in your bouncy chair right now. All that growing and observing and eating...it takes a lot out of a girl. (I would mention all the poo-ing in that list, but it's definitely implied!!) This month you've gotten strong enough to keep your head steady when I hold you up on my shoulder. You like to pull back and look around at everything. You are quite fascinated by flowers: paintings of them, photos of them, drawings of them, ACTUAL flowers...you seem to love the colors. You also enjoy looking at your little board books while you are sitting in your bouncy chair. I hold up the pictures and read to you and you smile and gurgle with glee. It's so sweet! You've also changed formula this month which meant less gas, more comfort, less spit up and lots more sleep! It's been a real winner. You had a hard time in your 6th week...you fussed and cried all the time and it was really hard for me to comfort you. But you sailed through going in like a lion and out, well, less like a lamb and more like a puma. Maybe not as big as a lion but still feisty. And you don't hear about pumas every day so I had to add it in.
Now that you are 8 weeks we have been having great days! Your napping has stabilized into nice 2-hour bits. Thanks to your Miracle Blanket! Swaddling has been the best sleep solution for you and now you can't slap yourself in the face while you sleep! Sometimes it's more like an hour, but so much better than the tiny naps you used to have! That's the time Mama runs around like crazy to: get dressed, clean your bottles, eat meals and do some laundry or light housekeeping before you need me to feed you or soothe you back to sleep with a little shushing and a tummy rub. It's also the time I write my blog posts and take the dog out to pee. I know Maren likes to lick your feet...sorry about that. I try to keep her from doing it but she always finds a way to sneak in there. I guess you'll have to get used to it! When you are awake you enjoy eating and you are so content when doing so. You also enjoy your play time after each meal...brightly looking around at the world and soaking it all in with your little shrieks of excitement.
In other news, you have been getting much bigger, chubbier, cuter (if that's possible) and much more responsive. You focus on things and look at us...your smiles of recognition light my life! You love to gurgle with glee over so many little delights and it reminds me to take time out to enjoy little tiny pleasures. I'm so lucky to get to make you smile and be a part of your day. It's what I've been put here to do! I hope you feel safe and happy here with us. I hope you feel the confidence I have gained since the beginning of your life and that you know I love you soooo much every moment of every day. As I stare down at you as you peacefully sleep, I'm still amazed that I'm a mother. I'm YOUR mother. And there's nothing else in the world I'd rather be.
Love you always and always,
Mama
P.S. You are soooo close to sleeping through the night! If you could do us a favor and throw Mama and Daddy a bone with that one...perhaps a raise in your allowance is in your future??

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Happy Father's Day!

Happy Father's Day Chris!! After we got married, you were no longer just the best boyfriend in the world; you became the best husband in the world! Friends, Chris is such a loving and caring person. He slaves over a hot stove and makes us dinner every night. This is a guy who figured out the recipe for my favorite chili from a restaurant far away just because I loved it...he took a few tries and soon had the perfect blend of ingredients for the pulled-pork chili I would travel hours just to have. He brings me home flowers for the smallest of occasions...cupcakes for the same, or yummy chocolate milk from the local farm stand...He knows just what I like. And while I was pregnant, he would do MORE of this and even surprise me with my cheeseburger cravings when he arrived home...without me even saying I had the craving that day! Since having Paige, he continues to make dinner and even makes me a lunch to eat for the next day so that I don't have to rush around with the little time there is to make it. He booked me for a facial at a local spa last weekend so I could get away and have some time to myself. I can't get over how wonderfully thoughtful he is. Now Chris is the best Daddy. Paige couldn't be luckier to have him as a Dad. He rushes home each day to care for her...to give her dinner and hold her and snuggle with her. He gives her a bath in the evening and lovingly chooses her outfits. He's even come home with little outfits he found for her while shopping for other things! He puts her safely in bed at night after caring for her himself all evening and she always smiles big when he comes home. Yes, she loves her Daddy and I love him too. Happy first Father's Day Chris. You are the light of our lives...the sun in our sky. Not a day goes by where we don't appreciate you and all that you are and all that you do. We love you always.
PS. Happy Father's Day to MY Dad! I've been lucky to have you as my father and now you get to be Paige's Grandpa! It's fatherhood all over again without the stress! :) Much love to you!

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Inspiration

We can all learn from this. And, as grateful as I feel every day, sometimes I'm annoyed at 2:30 in the morning with waking up and tending to Paige's meals. But when I catch myself frowning, I think of this child(I've seen this several times in the past) and it sets me straight. It's worth the time to watch and listen. May it help you see the joy in EVERY moment as well. Enjoy your weekend!

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My little wookie

Chewbacca from Star Wars was a Wookie. We didn't have those in the real world until now! I'm so in love with this little girl! Her little voice and coos and smiles are my elixir for life. You'll want the volume for full effect.

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Fooled youuuu!

Paige slept in her usual 2 hour stretches last night. Oh well! The little shnug will get there though! Once she gets a little older and can get away without that extra feeding we will be in business. At least her napping has improved! Hooray! We've also settled on the Level 3 nipple (we are using Dr. Brown's line of bottles). We'd rather her eat fast than to get nothing at all. I just make her take breaks between each ounce and she seems to do just fine. Thanks for the advice! I got lots of emails on that one. The level 2 nipple was just too small and the level 3 just too big. But the holes practically look the same! It's amazing what a difference they are. Anyway, we are happy with the good naps and the fact that she sleeps well in her 2 hour stretches! In celebration, here is her smile.

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To sleep, perchance to dream...

Hi!
Since she was born, Paige has not been big on sleeping for long stretches. Pretty normal for a new infant I suppose. Her naps during the day were very short. Perhaps a half-hour at best when she napped. And her evenings have been about sleeping for two hours after an hour long feed/change/burp fest. Again, not too shocking for a young infant. But it doesn't make me have to like it! We all know that fragmented sleep is NOT the same as one smooth stretch of sleep. My poor mother can tell you that, especially after my tearful calls last week desperate to be talked down from my fatigued ledge (not to mention her OWN battles with it from us kids.) Paige's six-week fussy period has been crazy. But we're alive! Barely! There were moments I wished I would spontaneously combust, but Mom's advice of "it will get better" and "this next hour will be better than the last" helped me along. Paige turned 7 weeks old yesterday. And to celebrate this week, she slept for 2 hour naps all day the day before. And last night she went down to bed at almost 8 o'clock after a feed on some new formula and her little bedtime routine. We also are trying out a new LED nightlight in her room that glows green and is shaped like a flat little tv screen. It gives out WAY less light than a standard nightlight and makes the room much, much darker. Well, my friends, I woke up to her little noises at 1:50 in the morning! For us, this is a HUGE deal. She's never had such a long stretch of sleep!!! Is it the new formula? The new, earlier bedtime (she usually goes down after the next feeding cycle by 11:00)? The cool new nightlight? All three? Either way, it worked. She's still small and will likely need to wake in the night for a feed for a few weeks to come, but these longer stretches of sleep are like a jug of water in the desert. I also know that last night could be an isolated incident and I shouldn't get too excited yet. But, I am going to celebrate anyway because it means it is POSSIBLE!!! I'm not going to rain on my parade yet. And if you are wondering, we switched from regular Similac Advance to Similac Sensitive RS. No, I'm not breastfeeding (due to medical issues I won't go into here so please don't judge or criticize...I'm fragile you know) The new kind of formula is supposed to help reduce spit up and gas. It definitely seems to do this so far! Her spit up has gotten ridiculous as of late, so I decided it was time to make the switch. She doesn't have reflux or anything...just a "happy spitter" as her doctor calls it. The new stuff is pretty darn sticky in comparison to the old kind and it doesn't seem to ooze everywhere out of her mouth as she eats. The only challenge right now is figuring out which nipple size to use. One size takes her FOREVER to eat (close to an hour for a few ounces and she has to work very hard at it) and the other size makes the food FLOW right out (ok when she's hungry, but not in the middle of the night when she's sleepy and can't keep up). I wish there was a happy middle option. Anyway, this post is horribly boring in general... But exciting for me, so THERE! A little milestone has been touched and I must mention it. So, if in a few years we have another child, I can look back in my tearful desperation and see that HEY! maybe things will improve at 7 weeks!? And, in closing, now that I've told you all about this, she will go back to 2 hour stretches. If so, we will always have the memories. Oh, the memories. "Meeemorieeeees, light the corners of my miiiiiiiind........." *fade to black*

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Paige's Birth Announcement

Hi friends!
I've finally finished mailing out the birth announcements I made for family and a few friends. They were quite the undertaking! But, I didn't want to skimp since I do this for a living and really wanted to do something nice for my own child. Also, these were very intensive to do and no client (or very few at least!) would ever order something like this (it's very cost prohibitive due to the time it takes to line envelopes, do a 2-color letterpress job, print and cut belly bands, etc.). Anyway, here it is! I lined most of the envelopes while still pregnant. I did the design while pregnant as well. The little insignia at the top with the "P" in it says "Little P est. 2009" And next to it says "P is for Paige".
After Paige was born, I updated the information in the design and sent out for the letterpress plates. I then printed all the belly-bands out on my inkjet printer and trimmed them. When my Mother in Law was here hanging out with Paige I finished lining the envelopes and even ordered a custom rubber stamp I designed to do the return address on the back of the envelope (and I can continue using the stamp for all my mailings now!) Then, on a Sunday, Chris spent the day with Paige while I letterpressed and trimmed her announcements down. I also assembled them all. And during her "naps" (they were short last week so I use the term loosely) or fussy evenings, I stuffed and addressed the envelopes. (that took all week!) It's finally finished and I'm happy with how it came out. Phew! I hope you like them too!

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Gross and Grosser

Before Paige was born I was scared about all the gross things that would come my way...baby-related things. You know, being pooped on, barfed on, etc. I knew it would all be inevitable, but somewhere deep down, secretly, I'd hoped that I'd be able to avoid some of those things. I've quickly learned that I'd never be immune to the grossness that can surround you when a baby is there too.
1. Sketchy Boobs:
They sort of resemble something out of National Geographic magazine right now. Thank God for push-up bras. There's also some interesting stretch marks on them. But those are everywhere on me now. Earning your stripes doesn't only count if you are in the military.
2. Poop:
I don't mind changing the poopy diaper. It's not so bad, really. At least not yet. Sometimes I'll gag a little, but don't tell Paige. It's when she "sharts" (shitting and farting at the same time) a BIG one and sometimes it will leak out the edge of the diaper and I won't know about it. It's usually when I'm feeding her. I'll be holding her and feel dampness and either A.) with my hand...where I then smell it and GAG upon the realization it is poop. or B.) will move her a little and find that there is a big wet spot on my shirt that is brownish in color and GAG upon the realization that it is poop and is also soaked onto my skin THROUGH my shirt. GAG again.
3. Spit up:
I don't mind a little spit up here and there. Not so bad, and I just wipe it right up. It's when she projectile flings it across her body or the room. It SPLOOSHES onto everything in the area and is a big pain in my ass to clean up. And the dog loves to jump in on the fun by trying to lick it up. GAG again. One time, while I was burping her, she turned her head and SPLOOSHED her "middle of the night burrito" (as I like to call her feeding) right into the side of my face. There was a lot of it, so it dripped down and right into the neck of my shirt, covering my National Geographic chest with her mucousy spit up. There was quite a bit, so I had to change my shirt, etc. right away. I didn't gag that time, but was a little grossed out. I also gave my face a nice washing after that.
4. Boogers:
I've wiped a lot of boogers in my life. But I'd always hoped I could get away with not having to use a bulb syringe on a baby. No luck. When she had her cold, I had to suck out each of Paige's nostrils all day. It wasn't all that bad since it was so much like liquid. But then, the other day I noticed she was snorting funny and I could see that there were boogers way up in there. With the bulb syringe again, I worked one out (it took some doing!) and I swear to God it was about an inch long. I gagged a good bit at that one. To be honest.
5. Rectal Temperature:
This one I secretly hoped I would never have to do. Besides, we have a fancy ear thermometer that claims it's more accurate than that. But dammit, the pediatrician's office DEMANDS her temp be given rectally. At least for now anyway. So when we called to ask how to handle her cold, they immediatly wanted the dreaded temp. NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! *sigh*
We whipped out THAT thermometer (the one I'd hoped we'd never have to open the package for) and covered it in the Vaseline. It actually turned out to be pretty easy. Paige just hung out on the changing table on her diaper. She didn't even poop on me during it AND she stayed perfectly calm. I was freaking out the whole time but felt much better once it was over. All in all, it was no big deal and a whole lot of worry about nothing.

Later in the future I'll be dealing with actual vomit and puke. But for now, I've been saved. Hey, I used to work summers at a day care and the worst mess was when an 8-year old girl projectile vomited her entire lunch all over the bathroom. Not IN the toilet, mind you, but ALL OVER IT and all over the pipes that attach it, and all over the sink, wall, floor, etc. It must have been some sort of "Exorcist" moment. I didn't see it happen, but that was some GROSS clean up I had to do. It took me an hour to clean. I still have flashbacks and nightmares. I dealt with a lot of gross things at that job, but that incident stands out quite a bit! So, I feel like if I can clean up some kid who isn't even mine's puke then I can jolly well be able to clean up my OWN kid's puke. Unless I bat my eyelashes and beg my husband to do it instead. I'm not above that you know.
Have I sufficiently grossed you out yet???
Be well friends, and we are surviving the "peak of fussiness" that is week 6. It sucks a lot. She cries and fusses a lot (especially after 4 pm). And she's spitting up a lot (because her tummy get's so tight). Her sleep isn't the best right now either. BUT we'd been warned about all of these things and that they would happen this week. So, at least I'm not surprised. Needless to say, we are SO looking forward to next week! In the meantime, I love to watch her sleep the little during the day that she does. I still can't believe that little miracle came from us! And despite all the "gross" things that come from her, she remains incredibly lovable and cute and I will always come back for more no matter WHAT she does!

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Books that help

Hi friends!
I hope you have been enjoying your weekends! Paige's Godmother came over on Saturday to visit and helped out tremendously! She even watched Little P so Chris and I could go out to dinner together (I had the Avacado and Scallion sushi)...it was nice to get out and be together. Thanks Sue! Sue even survived one of Paige's screaming fits with me...Sue was a real champ in soothing her after a HUGE screaming meltdown. We are approaching the 6 week peak of fussiness and I'm scared! But, I know it will be so much better once we get to the other side of it. We can do it! Anyhoo, in light of Paige's fussiness and issues, friends recommended a few books that, together, have been HUGELY helpful for me. Thanks to the techniques in these books I am now able to soothe Paige so much better and have an understanding of how things work. They have saved the day for me several times now.
1. Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, by Marc Weissbluth
This one advises the "2-hour wakefulness" rule and advises that after the baby is fed, etc. that she shouldn't be kept up for longer than 2 hours (this is the rule up to 3/4 months old.) It seems to prove true as Paige starts to tire at about 1.5 hours of wakefulness. So, I'm sure to put her down to nap at the very first signs of her tiring when she yawns or stretches. It saves me from her screaming from over-stimulation and keeps her calm through the day and night (for the most part!!!)

2. The Happiest Baby on the Block: The New Way to Calm Crying and Help Your Newborn Baby Sleep Longer, by Harvey Karp
This one describes IN DETAIL the 5 "s-es" such as swaddling and shushing and how to really do them effectively for soothing the baby. I knew about the 5 "s-es" but I think I was doing some of them wrong. Once I read this book (well, the parts that I needed to read) I learned a lot of little tricks that I wasn't doing right. I also learned that these techniques have to be done in just the right way and in the right order so that they work properly. So helpful!! I can soothe Paige now in a few minutes with these as opposed to the hours it used to take me.

3. Secrets of the Baby Whisperer: How to Calm, Connect, and Communicate with Your Baby by Tracy Hogg and Melinda Blau
This one is full of info and I haven't been able to read all of it yet. But, it suggests having a daily routine (an order of which things are done and not by the clock). It suggests that the baby should eat, have an activity after that, and then sleep. Which I was sort of doing anyway. This way, the baby and yourself always know what to expect next. I do this in tandem with the "2-hour wakefulness" rule and things run pretty smoothly. There's lots of other info in the book, but this is the main nugget that I've taken so far. There's also a handy chart that breaks down the baby's body language and what it might mean. Most are obvious, but some are not so it helped me out once or twice already.

Anyway, these books, in tandem, have been a big help for us so I thought I would share them here for any new Mom's out there also looking for info on soothing a fussy baby. Most of what I do is instinct, but when I need that little extra bit of advice or reassurance, these books have been helpful. I've just needed a little extra help during these first 6 weeks and hope it will get us through the first 3 months of "new baby" times. I'm feeling much more confident these days, thanks to some of the tips I've discovered. You never know, maybe you can find a tip or two that will help YOU out too! Be well friends, and please send me a happy thought during this coming week...the supposed "peak" of fussiness! (Although, she was born a week early, so perhaps the peak will be next week? Oh well, who knows, she may be a complete ANGEL and never have a problem!?!! That's the beauty of it all...each day is a new chocolate.) And onward we walk!

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Drug of Choice

Baby smiles and love...the most addictive drug there is. Yep, I think so.

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