Monday, March 23, 2009
Phew! I'm relieved and excited to hit 34 weeks! It's been a longtime milestone in my head and it's finally here. In my new observations: I'm noticing my weight gain a lot more now. Not just during my breathless waddles from room to room, but I can see it in the progression of photos here. My face is now showing the traditional widening that pregnancy can give. It's so unfamiliar to see yourself looking so different from one day to the next. It's new territory...it's not that I'm upset about my weight gain per se, especially since it's so worth it and for a wonderful reason, I guess it's just more of a symbol of another thing I can't be in control of. I like to have control and a plan. And nothing about anything that has to do with pregnancy in general involves control OR a plan (at least in my case!). On one hand (the biggest hand) I feel proud of my body...it's worked so hard to bring this gift to life. On the other, smaller, hand I feel a bit insecure of my new shell as I get to know it. I'm also scientifically fascinated by all that has taken place with it, but that's something else entirely. I know that my body will forever be different after Little P makes her appearance, so I suppose it is the end of one version of me and the beginning of another. I think back to my collegiate days of drinking, flirting, studying and having fun...a different (much tinier) body and time...and I realize that time goes by so quickly while priorities change just as fast. Now, there are so many other things that I enjoy that take up my days and I'm reminded that I need to focus on the fruits of each day because tomorrow it will be gone and in the past. Tomorrow will find me in a newer version of myself, and whether my body is the same or not does not matter to me as much as whether or not I will KNOW myself and like myself just as much. Will I be a better person tomorrow? I would love to always try and be able to say "yes." There is a lot to learn as I move forward and Little P. is certainly ready to teach me a thing or two.