1 Month!

Dear Little P.,
Hi sweetie! Well, as you can see, this is my first letter to you as you are now here in the world with us instead of in my tummy. What a grand month it has been! This first month of your life has been an amazing roller-coaster of emotions for your Daddy and for me and we are thrilled that we have learned so much. And you're learning every day too! You've met a lot of your family and many of our friends...you seem to fit right into things! But it's hard not to like you...being so friendly, sweet and kind and all. It doesn't hurt that you are cute too. :)
Of course, your birth was amazing, but the following few weeks have been such a whirlwind of getting to know you better. We've been working hard to learn how you like to be soothed, how you like to be held, how you like to lay to sleep, what songs you like sung to you and other important details to your current livelihood. We've also spent a good amount of time cleaning up your spit-up, vomit, poop, pee, and who knows what .I guess you haven't lived until you've been pooped on, peed on, puked on, and gagged on all in one day. It's ok because it's all part of YOU. I am happy all your functions are in order! As of the other day, you've started to look at me while I hold you. It's so precious to be able to stare into those big eyes of yours as you check me out. You like to stare at my hair a lot...probably because it is frizzy and crazy most of the time. Having hair like a Fraggle is proving to be entertaining in the wee hours. You seem to LOVE the wee hours! Midnight to around 2 am is a time you seem to be wiggly and "scream-y." I know that is a time I will not be sleeping and must try to soothe you until it is time for your next feeding. I'm learning to not get upset about this and to look at it as a chance to spend some quality time with you. When you finally relax (after doing the 4 or 5 "s-es" such a swaddling, shooshing, swaying, etc.) I love to trace the soft outlines of your face with my eyes...to drink in every rounded curve of your cheeks and eyelashes. I want to memorize your face as it is now and keep it with me as a treasure. The moment will disappear into ashes, but my memory can hold you longer. I love you more and more with each and every moment and miss you more and more as each passes. It's a tidal push and pull of love I've never known before.
I'm excited about your second month of life as it's going to get even better; I'm excited about what time will bring us! I hope you like it here. Please know that your Daddy and I love you more than anything and don't know how we got so lucky that out of all the little girls that God has created we got the BEST one! Thank you for choosing us to be your family.

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Little moments

Hi friends!
Thanks so much for all your encouraging comments on my last post! I'm feeling much better and yesterday was a good day, which helped. A good friend of mine sent me one of those emails about mothering; an essay by Anna Quindlen. It was so beautifully written and really touched my heart. This section of the essay really sums up what I want to do with this blog and how I feel about having a child:

"But the biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make while
doing this. I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly
clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs.

There is one picture of the three of them, sitting in the grass on a
quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4 and 1.
And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and
how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish
I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner,
bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the
getting it done a little less.

Even today I’m not sure what worked and what didn’t, what was me and
what was simply life. When they were very small, I suppose I thought
someday they would become who they were because of what I’d done. Now I
suspect they simply grew into their true selves because they demanded in
a thousand ways that I back off and let them be. The books said to be
relaxed and I was often tense, matter-of-fact and I was sometimes over
the top."

I really want to treasure the "doing" more than the "getting it done." Even when things are hard or I really want to be under the warm covers, I try to let myself BE in the moment with Paige and really experience it rather than let my brain wish the time away or wander off to the next task just begging for the end of the day. This blog is a great way to document those moments and I hope to continue doing so as she grows! Happy Memorial Day to all!

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The freak out

Hi friends! Here is a warning: profanity is ahead.
So, yesterday I lost my shit. Yes, I couldn't find it anywhere. You'd think my shit would stay firmly where it belonged, but nope, I lost it. I'd also call it "throwing a nutty" but nobody says that anymore, do they? The morning started out normal enough. After breakfast, Paige went into the carrier (the Ergo Baby front carrier) and out we went with the dog. After a few errands, she started to get wiggly and fussy so I took her out. And the crying began. She would not settle no matter what I did. And after about a half-hour of crying, it escalated to tantrum screaming. Blood-curdling screams. She was so worked up that she wasn't even able to gasp to take in a breath anymore. I started to cry because nothing I was doing would help. NOTHING. I then was yelling "What do you want!!!! I'm TRYING TO HELP YOU!!!! WHAT DO I DOOOOOOO!!!!!?????" OF course she didn't know what the hell I was saying. Finally, as a last resort, I made a bottle for her. It had only been 2 hours since she'd eaten, but I figured maybe she was in a growth spurt or something. She instantly calmed and relaxed and happily ate the whole thing, slowly and normally. She started to fall asleep when it was done and all of a sudden SPLOOOOOOOSSSSSHHHHH!!! The whole thing came back up and out. All over me, the pillow, herself, her whole face and her whole outfit and diaper. It was dripping off her eyelashes. She looked so stunned. I quickly mopped up what I could off her and brought her up to change her, etc. I started to get upset again...the one outfit that fits me for summer was now ruined for the day and it was supposed to be over 90 degrees out. All of my maternity stuff is for winter. At least the bottoms are. UGH. I peeled my clothes off since they were soaked and tended to her. She then spit up AGAIN all over the new outfit and diaper. A LOT of spit up. She started screaming again. Once changed AGAIN, she promptly spit up again all over the changing pad and the floor. ARGGGGG!!!!!! Her loud screams could be heard in Guam and I started to cry again. Here I am, half naked with my sagging belly flopping around and my plentiful stretch-marks angrily taunting me...everything smelling like Similac and gooey messes are everywhere. She was screaming, I was crying and trying to keep my shit together. Then, the friggin' dog starts begging at the door to go out and kept JUMPING and JUMPING and JUMPING at the door. What the F??? Anyhoo, she finally stopped spitting up, I was able to change her again and I found a clean outfit to throw on. The dog got out (and promptly begged to come right back in which pissed me right off). Paige kept fussing though and I finally just lost it. I was crying so hysterically. I was so tired and frustrated. I'd been up so early and just wanted some more sleep. And now, it was early afternoon and I wanted a nap so badly but she would not let me put her down. I couldn't even put her on my chest. She wanted me sitting up straight and she wanted to be on my shoulder as I sat vertically. My arms were sore from holding her up but once I put her down she would go hysterical, unable to breathe. After calling my husband in a crying panic, he eventually left work early to get home. He sent me off to shower, go buy some clothes that fit, and spend some time out alone. (a first in over 3 weeks!) My Mom also consoled me over the phone and did a lot of nice coaching and encouraging...as did my best friend. She gave me some words of wisdom "There's a reason they say Motherhood (and parenthood) is the hardest job in the world." When I went out to Target to get some new clothes, I tried on a whole pile of things and nothing fit. My old size, a 4, was out of the question. I'd been buying size 6 stuff in maternity and that wasn't working either. After several depressing rounds in the dressing room, I found I am a size 10 in their clothing. A big difference from what I was once used to! I only found 3 things that looked ok and fit. 2 skirts and 1 pair of shorts. I stared at my body in the dressing room mirror and cried. I could see every one of the zillion stretch marks that adorn my torso...butt, hips, thighs, tummy, boobs...you name it. My extra belly skin hung over the top of my underwear. My face was pale and the dark circles under my eyes were getting deeper and more hollow. Who the hell was this person?? UGH. So, I gathered the things I was going to buy and shuffled out to the register feeling a little defeated. Once back in the car, I cried again and then that was it. I decided that I need to try my best to love the body that gave me my Paige. It worked hard for it to happen and I need to be proud of it. With some time, I'll be able to find a way to get more exercise and things will be ok. And when Paige screams like that, I need to be able to set her down in her crib or safe place and walk away for a few minutes in a quiet room to pull myself together. I have so much to learn. But I wanted to share this day with you all to show that things aren't always roses and sunshine and it is hard. But, even at Target while I was staring at the shorts that wouldn't zip, I missed Paige. I yearned to get home to her and my husband. Hopefully today will be better. But I need to remember that each day is new and different and I need to roll with the punches. The laundry did get done. Dinner was eaten. Shopping happened. A break was had. All thanks to my amazing husband. Today is a new day. What will it bring? Who knows, but I DO know when those wide eyes look up at me while I feed her I will melt and all those angry and frustrated feelings will disappear again. And so we go on!

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A Miracle!

Hi friends!
Little P. turned 3 weeks yesterday! Awww. :)
She celebrated by waking up Monday night at 1:30 am and didn't calm, settle, or go back to sleep that night. Nor did she nap all day yesterday. By the time my husband got home I mentioned that I was considering stabbing myself in the eye. Not really, but I said it. I'd tried everything to soothe her and she calmed, but just would NOT sleep and every time I put her down she would SCREAM herself to tears (she's now making tears and it's so sad...big fat ones...so that makes it even worse) and she could barely breathe. She's much too young to be allowed to "cry it out" so I'd pick her right back up and try something else. THANK SWEET BABY JESUS that my 2 Miracle Blankets arrived in the mail by the end of the day yesterday. I promptly washed them and last night, Chris swaddled her in one to get her ready for bed. He said she fussed for about 5 minutes and then zonked out. Well my friends, she slept from about 10:00 or so until 3:30 in the morning. Holy Crap! Since I'd gone to bed at 7:00 it meant a ton of sleep for me. HEAVEN!!! I got her up to eat and then she slept another 2 hours. She snoozed this morning, but it was fitful. After most of this morning, she was starting to get tired and fussy and she hadn't napped yet. So, I wrapped her up and she is out cold again! She's completely still and asleep as I write this. I hate to jinx it, but this blanket has been a miracle already! Let's hope the trend continues. I'd heard about it before, but didn't really think much of it until Paige got into her fussy fits. Then, I saw THIS POST on Lyndsay's blog and was immediately sold! I rushed to the Miracle Blanket website and read all the testimonials and doctors' comments and decided to buy 2 of them right then and there. After a few torturous days of waiting, those blankets were my savior yesterday! Oh Miracle Blanket, you gave me a night of rest. You gave me time to myself today during her nap. You have a special place in my heart now! I can't recommend it enough and suggest that every new mother have at least one ready to go for when her baby fusses . It's like magic! You can get one here.
This video shows the blanket in action but it's not my movie. Sorry for the "sales" post. I swear I'm not getting paid for it. I just had to sing its praises while I'm in the throes of blissful wakefulness. I'll be back soon with some photo cuteness!

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Before and Now

Our first stroller walk! Chris, myself, Paige and Maren went for a little walk last weekend.

Hi friends!
It's a dreary and chilly day here...a surprise amongst all the sunny warmer weather we'd been having! Paige and I have to take a walk to the post office today to make a pile of shipments and I hope it doesn't rain! I've been reflecting on my feelings about motherhood since Paige came to us and I've been thinking about the things I worried about before she arrived.
1. I worried that I would not feel bonded to her
This ended up being far from the truth. True, I didn't feel bonded that first or second day, but by the third and fourth days I felt a burning need to be near her as well as a wave of love every time I held her.
2. I worried that I would be a nervous mother constantly checking on her in her crib every 2 minutes to see if she's breathing
I surprised myself with this one! I feel confident she is safe in her crib and I sleep pretty well! If she's slept longer than expected sometimes I'll tiptoe into her room and peek in. But that's once in the night and not every night.
3. I worried I'd be depressed
I've suffered from depression on and off for years, so post-partum depression has been a concern. But so far, so good! I get weepy from the hormones, but only through feeling immense amounts of sentiment...not sadness.
4. I worried I'd feel a loss of my old life
Not yet. I might feel this later on, but for now I'm too busy to feel much! :) I CAN say that I feel very fulfilled and amazed. Although, at 2:30 am and she's fussing and screaming...I tend to miss my uninterrupted sleep in my previous life. But, it's such a short time it will be like this, especially in the scope of life. I try to focus on the positive and not the negative of the moment. After all, it's all about how you view these things that can make all the difference. Easier said than done, but there you go.
5. I worried she would be overly fussy
Well, she has normal newborn baby fussiness. We do a lot to combat it and it all seems to help. The best thing to do is to learn to roll with it and know it will end at some point. She doesn't seem to have "colic" though. I was scared to swaddle her with her arms in, since she seemed to like having her arms out. BUT since I started swaddling with her arms IN, she's been sleeping more soundly and in longer stretches. She also naps in the swaddle...and she wouldn't nap for me before. Don't get me wrong, she still spends much of the day awake, but at least now I can maybe get an hour where she will snooze. It's on the upswing!

So, it seems a lot of my fears can be put to rest. I'm taking each day one at a time and learning to live in each moment. It's such a better way to be! Even though time is going by fast, I'm appreciating each second all the more. It's such quality time now.

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Nuts 'n Bolts

Photo shows Maren perched on a pillow RIGHT by the baby (she has to be right where the action is) as Paige has her "breakfast burrito."

Hi friends! Phew! It’s been BUSY here! And Oh, my aching tailbone. I feel like I have a softball jammed up my butt. Isn’t that a joyous thought? That’s why I started off with it. I knew that having a newborn would be hard work, but I hadn’t quite realized just how hard it was in terms of wearing you out and exhausting you. As I’d said, I KNEW it, but just didn’t GET it since it hadn’t happened to me yet. Now, I’m learning quickly that newborns have their own schedules and do not have any sort of consistency. The only thing I can count on is that she’ll eat every 3 to 3.5 (sometimes 4!) hours. She doesn’t necessarily sleep in between, which I’d always assumed happened. She hasn’t much slept during the day, so naps for myself have been out of the question. She’s so alert and curious about things but sheesh! I just let her lay quietly in the Pack ‘N Play or I let her hang out in the swing if the Pack ‘N Play doesn’t cut it for her. The rest of the time she likes to fuss and yell and therefore wants to be walked around, held, or rocked. In the evening, she likes to fuss a lot for no reason and it’s hard to get her to go down to sleep. But when she does, she gets a good stretch of about 4 hours before she wakes to feed and then another 3 or so (sometimes with 2 hours of fussing added in for fun). I’ll take what I can get and I am thrilled with it! What’s been helping a lot is that Chris takes her in the evenings and after dinner I run to bed (around 7) and he takes those feedings until midnight. Anything after that is mine. That way, I get 4 or so hours of sleep in a stretch and so does he. I’d do an extra feeding if I were able to nap during the day, but no dice! So, that answers any questions I’ve gotten in regards to how the baby is doing/what her habits are like so far. Typical newborn stuff! She already weighs 8 pounds and has grown another whole inch. I can’t believe how fast she’s growing! Her health is perfect and she’s a great eater, taking in 3.5 ounces to 4 ounces per feeding. So, that’s the nuts ‘n bolts and facts of how we’re doing. We’re hanging in there! The book that is comforting for me and very interesting and informative is “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child” by Marc Weissbluth M.D. In layman’s terms it says that the first 6 weeks will suck really bad but then it starts to improve after that. And it goes into the whys, hows, and what-to-dos. It’s been a great comfort to know that all of this is very normal, typical, and natural. Her fussing is normal and when we can’t console her, it’s nice to at least know that it isn’t our or her fault. It’s just medically natural. We were fooled for the first week when Paige slept great all day and night. We learned from the book that this is called the "honeymoon" week. The fussing supposedly starts at 1 to 2 weeks and yes, that is what happened. It was a nice honeymoon though!! I just wanted to check in with this little update and say hello. I hope you are all well!! I hope to update soon with some fun photos and other thoughts.

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Mother's Day and the Birth

Hi friends!
Well, today is Mother’s Day (My first Mother's Day!)so I thought it a fitting day to write Paige’s birth story. But, before I do, let me extend a Happy Mother’s Day to all the mom’s out there who selflessly give their time, heart and souls to their little ones (whether they are 2 or 22). I’d also like to say Happy Mother’s Day to all the Moms-to-Be who are giving their bodies and minds to their little ones in their tummies. And I’d like to say Happy Mother’s Day to all the Moms to One Day Be who are working so very hard in body, mind, and spirit as they try to conceive or adopt that little one. You are mothering an important dream and it is so much physical, emotional, and spiritual work to achieve it, however it may happen. You are a mother too! It’s a day to celebrate and remember the joy that having children brings or WILL bring. Much love to all. And a shout out to my own Mom who is the best. Thanks for staying with us last week to help us. You were a HUGE help and I couldn't have recovered even a little without you. I hope your Nana-hood has gotten off to a good start! You've been the best Mom for me, and I know you'll be an amazing Nana for Little P.
And now... the birth story, starting with the splash heard ‘round the world.
APRIL 28, 2009
When the clock read 4:00 am I realized a had to pee…but when I decided to finally go and DO it Chris had already beaten me to the punch by getting up before me. So, I sighed and rolled over a little. I got a bad menstrual-like cramp and I felt a tiny little pop sensation and a small gush of fluid came out. I thought “oh CRAP!” and literally dove off of the bed. I stood up and SPLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSHHHHHHH…my water broke. All over the freakin’ floor next to the bed. They always say it’s a “gush of fluid.” HA! I stood there for at LEAST over a minute with the “faucet” running on high. It continued to gush like that throughout the rest of the labor. Who knew there was THAT MUCH fluid!? I screamed several times for Chris…so he rushed in and brought me a towel. Anyway, I’ll fast-forward now through my shower, peanut-butter and jelly sandwich and the arrival to the hospital where we settled into the labor and delivery room (Room 2!…on an earlier post I’d mentioned it was my favorite and I didn’t even ask for it!). My contractions had started and they were starting to hurt, but they weren’t all that close together yet. I labored for a while until the doctor decided to augment the labor with Pitocin. Just to get things stronger and closer together. Well, holy hell…the contractions instantly hurt WAAAAAAAAAY more than before. And so commenced the movie version of labor where I screamed, yelled, and panted. I used my breathing techniques as much as I could, but soon it wasn’t enough and I simply lost control. I was wailing, crying, and begging for God to kill me. In other words, I was the picture of tranquility. They finally turned down the Pitocin to give me a little break and in came the anesthesiologist with my beloved epidural. Just in time! Let me tell you folks, it was heaven. I’d been worried thinking that it would hurt. Needle to the back, right? It seemed like it would be such a hellish experience. Well, I leaned forward gripping the nurse with the fear of God in me as I was sweating through more contractions and scared to death what the needle would feel like. Well, I’m so annoyed now since it was such a non-issue. If you’ve ever had Novicain in your gums during a dental procedure then you know the little pinch of the needle in your gums. It felt like that for me. I’m not saying it will feel like that for everyone. They told me it depends on your body type and fat content, etc. But, it was a little pinch. And then it was over. SO EASY. The edge came right off of the contractions as I lay back in the bed. Soon, the bed started to feel warm…like a heated massage bed. And the sheet on top of me felt heated as well. I felt like I was at a spa and felt SO relaxed. It didn’t change my mental state…just my physical body felt so much better. My body hadn’t felt so pain free in MONTHS. I was already dilated to five centimeters when I got the epidural, so things were progressing quickly. I was at 2 cm when I first got there (not bad from having been completely closed the day before!). To recap, we’d gotten to the hospital at about 6:00 am and my body was in heaven by 10:00 am. They then cranked up the Pitocin again and off we went! I was fully dilated to 10cm by 1:00pm or so. The nurses were shocked. They said the Pitocin was so low…it goes up to 60 or something and they’d only gotten up to 8 for my dosage. They had expected me to have a much longer labor. Off they went to gather all the materials needed for the actual birth so I just waited there on the bed joking around with Chris and the lovely student nurse named Kristen. I was her first labor! She was so sweet and we had fun laughing and sharing stories. It finally came time to push and I could sort of feel the contractions happening (there was a tightening sensation that didn’t hurt but cued me that I needed to push). I spent the next half-hour pushing as the nurses and Chris cheered me on. Again, this didn’t hurt. It was just exhausting because you hold your breath for so long with each push…and you do 3 full pushes with each contraction. The longer the push, the longer you hold your breath. Phew! Finally the head was starting to crown so they were screaming for the doctor…he was tending to 2 other labors at the exact same time. He came running in and they got him all dressed for the delivery. As he was dressing he looked down and said “Oh! This baby is going to FLY out!” So, with another strong push, I felt a small release and they yelled “the head is out!!! She’s got dark hair!”. He told me to give a tiny gentle push since her little fist was jammed into her neck. So I guess I delivered the head and a hand first. Once the hand was pulled free he coached me to give another gentle push and the rest of her body came out…it was so amazing and incredible. I’ll never forget the sensation. At my request, they put our beautiful Paige on my stomach and we all wiped her off with blankets and I remember looking up at Chris to see him in tears. I was crying along with the baby. I vaguely remember them clamping the umbilical cord and telling Chris where to cut as I was staring down at our daughter. What a set of lungs she had. So, they picked her up to put her in the warmer and check her vital signs while I watched from the bed. I saw her pink right up and I felt so relieved. Her first Apgar score was an 8 and her second score minutes later was a 9. Wow! She lived! She made it through all 10 months! She defied the odds of my crappy uterine shape, my folic acid issues, and her own umbilical cord abnormality. Nothing can explain how utterly relieved and ecstatic we felt. After all the worry about her possibly coming too early or needing a C-section we’d delivered her in a more traditional way and so close to her due date! A true miracle!! I cannot and never will be able to capture my gratitude for her. My doctor turned my attentions back to the task at hand…delivering the placenta.
WARNING: Graphic and disturbing content ahead:

I’d never given this part much thought. How hard could it be? You push some more and it slips right out with a tug of the cord. Well, I had a crappy cord. He said it was barely attached and if he gently tugged it, it would detach from the placenta and then we’d have some trouble. This was terrifying to hear. The cord was THAT bad? I pushed and pushed and pushed. Nothing was happening. The doctor then asked the nurses for a particular tool which, of course, the hospital didn’t have in stock at the moment. He then had to go on up there with his hands to try and manually take the placenta out himself. Thank God for that epidural because it took an HOUR. He feverishly wrestled and wrangled with my uterus to try and get the damned thing out. I could see his hand up under my rib cage. Disturbing to say the LEAST. It was like watching a horror movie. My T-shaped uterus housed the baby in one horn and the placenta in the other. It was tucked WAY in the end of the horn. He just couldn’t reach it and had a hard time getting a good hold of it. It was also coming apart in pieces so he kept having to fish around to get everything out bit-by-bit. It was a NIGHTMARE. The poor doctor looked so terrified. He was professional and together, but had those eyes of panic. He had to stop to take a break and explained that the placenta just wasn’t letting go. He said he was confident he would get it and that because my bleeding wasn’t at a dangerous point yet he was feeling good about things. He told me it would take time and I said “just do what you need to do since I can’t feel anything right now, I know you can do it.” Next thing I know, there are 5 nurses in the room running around and gathering equipment, etc. Some were pushing on my stomach while others reassured me. There was blood everywhere on the floors and I was exhausted. I could barely think straight. Finally, after an hour, he yells “I’ve got it!” and he pulled it out with all the nurses looking on with relief. He showed it to me later and pointed out how it was all calcified and sketchy. He mentioned how amazed he was that the baby got as big and healthy as she did with that crappy placenta and cord. He later told me he feared I might have had to lose my uterus. How scary is that?? Another miracle!!! He reassured me that this was NOT a normal experience and rare. He told me that it was just an isolated incident and not likely to happen to me again in a future pregnancy/childbirth and he felt bad that this happened. He told me he didn’t want it to ruin my experience. Of course, nothing could ruin the experience! I was still on cloud nine. I’d never much thought about the placenta delivery, so it was quite a surprise that the delivery of the baby went so great only to have the last part go foul. Fast forward: I got to hold the baby several hours later when the feeling in my arms returned (I'd worked them to exhaustion holding my legs during the labor) and I got to feed her. What a real thrill. Her first feeding! And she downed the bottle like a champ. The recovery after that has been hard. My tailbone is broken or dislocated (they didn’t bother to X-ray since there’s nothing they can do anyway). So, I have to sit on a doughnut and nurse my butt for the next several months until it heals. It’s so excruciating to bend over or pick up the baby from low positions. My pelvis is still a little separated and sore as well…making it hard to walk. Everything else is healing just fine and I feel a bit better each day…and I can’t complain when I have that beautiful little baby face to peer up at me. My heart now lives in her.
So, that’s the story of the birth and how it went! There are a lot of emotions I’ve been experiencing…lots of thoughts and feelings rolling around in my head that I’ll put in my next posts, but I at least wanted to share how it all went down first! Our miracle is here and our new life has begun! Welcome to Paige Rosalie Carty! You are in for a wonderful and wild ride that is life. Your Mommy and Daddy are here to help make it great!

(editor's note/update: I've been questioned as to how I broke my tailbone...I have no idea. It was during the birth OR during the crazy aftermath with the placenta. The doctor says it happens sometimes. They don't mention that in the damned pregnancy books, do they?? It took about 5 or 6 months to fully feel ok again. *sigh*)

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The First Story

A few nights ago we all snuggled in the big chair as Chris read Paige her first bedtime story (outside of the womb). It was called "On the Night You Were Born" by Nancy Tillman. It describes what all the different animals in the animal kingdom did when your little one was born...how they rejoiced. There is also the strong message that there is nobody in the world like your little one...that he/she is the only one in existence. All the illustrations were unbelievable! It was such a sweet story, of course I cried all the way through it. *sigh* The tears are still a-flowing at every little thing!
Paige seemed to really enjoy the book and stared at each page as it was held close to her face. She liked the pages with the words best, probably because they are black against white. She fell fast asleep soon after. It was a sweet family moment and I look forward to many more like it in the future!

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The firsts

Hi friends! I hope all is well with all of you! Things are coming along well here! We have been so busy here experiencing all of Paige's "firsts." Time is going by too quickly! Her first night home, her first feedings at home, her first visits with friends and family...
5 days after her birth her little umbilical cord stump fell off, and I promptly cried in a fit of hormones...she's growing so fast! Of course, it's funny since we had our second pediatrician visit today and she now weighs 7 lbs. 8 oz...up from her birth weight of 7 lbs. 4.5 oz. Such a huge difference, eh? Anyway, I'm ultra sensitive and emotional right now...if I were to allow myself I'd likely cry all day! Not in a depressed way, just in a sentimental and overwhelmed by love way. I never knew I'd be like this. Anyhoo, her stump fell off, so we gave her the first tub bath. It was pretty scary, but we figured it out and now she's a bathing champ. She loves the warm water and the sounds of the splashing. Phew!



Another first and the moments fly right by and disappear. I've never been more aware of the fleetingness of time in all my life. I wish I could press a "pause" button so I could savor things all the more.

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One Week!

Hey friends!
I cannot believe it has been a week since Paige was born. Time has FLOWN by. I've spent most of my time recovering and doing baby-related things. I've had a lot of physical issues that have resulted from the labor, so I haven't been able to move around much. What else is new? I'll be able to expand on that when I write the birth story (a task I'll need more time to do!). First, though, I wanted to thank everyone for your wonderful and kind comments. We were so touched by everyone's words. I really appreciate how we have been in your thoughts and prayers...it has obviously been what has gotten us through to this point! We are so grateful for you all and for Paige's safe arrival. It is not lost on us that we are very lucky and need to honor every second with her. In my most tired or frustrated moments, I look at our Little P and I think of how special she is and how precious the miracle of her arrival was been. I've spent a lot of time crying (thanks a lot, hormones!) and feeling sentimental that a week has already gone by and she's already changing little by little. I can't bear to miss a moment! Anyway, I can't write for long so I will leave you with a TON of pictures to commemorate Paige's first week of life and all the first things she's done. She's been a busy lady, that is for sure. I hope you enjoy this picture-filled post! One more thing: Paige has a favorite song now. It's called "Colours" by Donovan. You can listen to it here. (I cry when I hear it now as I look at her pictures). You may have to hit the "play" button where the video is and you'll be able to hear the song. That video isn't mine though. Onto the pictures!!!

Meeting Nana for the first time


Meeting Nana and Grandpa was emotional and fun!


Chillin' with Grandpa


Getting ready for our first night's rest at the hospital


At Peace (and you can see the nasty spit-up on the blankie...ick)


The Going Home outfit in action


Waiting for the hospital to discharge us


Home!! Crossing the threshold to our new life


Maren meets Paige: and falls in love.


First night home in the crib! (she was a champ!)


Whoa! The first swing ride (she loved it, but only for 5 minutes or so for now)


Taking a nap on Mom is tough work


Peering around the pack n play is fun


A nice morning nap


Her first sponge bath at home went great! She loved the shampoo and hated the rest. Who wouldn't?


Uncle Jason did great feeding his first niece.


Godmommy Sue was so excited to meet Paige. She gave Paige lots of fun books to read.


Nana has been staying with us for this week to help us out with all the household and baby-care tasks. What a heavenly help!!!


Spending time looking cute is always on the agenda


It was great to meet Grandma Carty! (and Grandpa Carty)


Auntie Anne and her family came by to meet Paige too!


Phew! What a week! A family snuggle on the couch was in order.


Daddy Chris has done all the work for the baby all week! He's such a champ. His two girls in his arms agree. I am so thrilled to have chosen such a wonderful man to marry and have a family with. I feel so lucky whenever I look at him.
We are both even more thrilled that Paige chose us to be her parents. It's been a huge honor so far and my love swells more and more with each passing moment.

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