Our first stroller walk! Chris, myself, Paige and Maren went for a little walk last weekend.Hi friends!
It's a dreary and chilly day here...a surprise amongst all the sunny warmer weather we'd been having! Paige and I have to take a walk to the post office today to make a pile of shipments and I hope it doesn't rain! I've been reflecting on my feelings about motherhood since Paige came to us and I've been thinking about the things I worried about before she arrived.
1. I worried that I would not feel bonded to her
This ended up being far from the truth. True, I didn't feel bonded that first or second day, but by the third and fourth days I felt a burning need to be near her as well as a wave of love every time I held her.
2. I worried that I would be a nervous mother constantly checking on her in her crib every 2 minutes to see if she's breathing
I surprised myself with this one! I feel confident she is safe in her crib and I sleep pretty well! If she's slept longer than expected sometimes I'll tiptoe into her room and peek in. But that's once in the night and not every night.
3. I worried I'd be depressed
I've suffered from depression on and off for years, so post-partum depression has been a concern. But so far, so good! I get weepy from the hormones, but only through feeling immense amounts of sentiment...not sadness.
4. I worried I'd feel a loss of my old life
Not yet. I might feel this later on, but for now I'm too busy to feel much! :) I CAN say that I feel very fulfilled and amazed. Although, at 2:30 am and she's fussing and screaming...I tend to miss my uninterrupted sleep in my previous life. But, it's such a short time it will be like this, especially in the scope of life. I try to focus on the positive and not the negative of the moment. After all, it's all about how you view these things that can make all the difference. Easier said than done, but there you go.
5. I worried she would be overly fussy
Well, she has normal newborn baby fussiness. We do a lot to combat it and it all seems to help. The best thing to do is to learn to roll with it and know it will end at some point. She doesn't seem to have "colic" though. I was scared to swaddle her with her arms in, since she seemed to like having her arms out. BUT since I started swaddling with her arms IN, she's been sleeping more soundly and in longer stretches. She also naps in the swaddle...and she wouldn't nap for me before. Don't get me wrong, she still spends much of the day awake, but at least now I can maybe get an hour where she will snooze. It's on the upswing!
So, it seems a lot of my fears can be put to rest. I'm taking each day one at a time and learning to live in each moment. It's such a better way to be! Even though time is going by fast, I'm appreciating each second all the more. It's such quality time now.