DISCLAIMER: to any family or friends reading this, graphic content about my lady business is ahead. Proceed with caution!
Well, I've been going over in my mind for a while now...whether or not to write about this particular topic. BUT I've come to the conclusion that I must because:
1. There's not a lot out there about it
2. I've talked about other very personal things here, so why stop now?
3. It might help someone else in the same situation
Anyway, I'm having surgery on March 1st to correct the stitching done by my doctor during Paige's delivery. I didn't have an episiotomy, but I did tear a little and stitching was done to fix it. Well, I was told that doing the deed would be painful after having a baby, so I figured it was natural to hurt. As the months went by, nothing improved. I figured it would just a take a while. But the idea of doing the deed started to horrify me as the pain has become worse and worse (so it happened less and less and has been pretty non-existent much to our chagrin)...it was so bad that I would cry and cry and feel like I was being ripped in half with a machete. That's not normal, right?? 6 months after Paige's birth, I spoke to my OB about it and he said "Oh, well, try this estrogen creme, even though I'm not sure it will do anything, and we can always do a repair after you have your next child or when you're done having kids. Make sure to use lots of lube." *SIGH* I sort of shuffled out of there feeling no resolution. It's been 4 months since then and I must say that I don't see how I can even attempt to have another child! More tears, more pain, more frustration. So, back to the doctor I went and he found the area where the pain is coming from saying he can "feel something there" and he wants to remove it and possibly do a biopsy. He's pretty confident it's just extra tissue created from the stitching before. He's going to do a "release" as he calls it and try to put me back to how I used to be. He told me "we get so concerned with making things nice and tight that sometimes we can go a little far." A little far? That's putting it mildly. Tell that to my miserable husband. So, I go on March first for a "perineoplasty" to hopefully make life less painful. Reading up on the procedure, it seems like most women complain of having loose skin/muscles inside and the procedure is done to tighten things up. I'm having the opposite issue. I just never thought of this when I pictured having kids. I also never realized how serious an issue it can be when you can no longer be intimate as a couple...it causes a lot of stress, suffering, frustration, pain, and sadness. Hopefully, this procedure will fix things and get me closer to how I used to be. Oh, the memories. :)
Chris has been so supportive and understanding during all of this and I'm forever grateful and appreciative of him. It's important to me that I'm not blamed for something I have no control over. Has anything like this happened to anyone else? I guess I would encourage anyone who is in significant pain for a long time after having a baby that perhaps you should see your doctor and maybe surgery is an option for you too? Thanks for reading and letting me vent...I'll be sure to let you know how things turn out. In the meantime, I basically have a big orange sign around my neck that says "KEEP OUT!"