DISCLAIMER: to any family or friends reading this, graphic content about my lady business is ahead. Proceed with caution!
Hello!
Well, I've been going over in my mind for a while now...whether or not to write about this particular topic. BUT I've come to the conclusion that I must because:
1. There's not a lot out there about it
2. I've talked about other very personal things here, so why stop now?
3. It might help someone else in the same situation
Anyway, I'm having surgery on March 1st to correct the stitching done by my doctor during Paige's delivery. I didn't have an episiotomy, but I did tear a little and stitching was done to fix it. Well, I was told that doing the deed would be painful after having a baby, so I figured it was natural to hurt. As the months went by, nothing improved. I figured it would just a take a while. But the idea of doing the deed started to horrify me as the pain has become worse and worse (so it happened less and less and has been pretty non-existent much to our chagrin)...it was so bad that I would cry and cry and feel like I was being ripped in half with a machete. That's not normal, right?? 6 months after Paige's birth, I spoke to my OB about it and he said "Oh, well, try this estrogen creme, even though I'm not sure it will do anything, and we can always do a repair after you have your next child or when you're done having kids. Make sure to use lots of lube." *SIGH* I sort of shuffled out of there feeling no resolution. It's been 4 months since then and I must say that I don't see how I can even attempt to have another child! More tears, more pain, more frustration. So, back to the doctor I went and he found the area where the pain is coming from saying he can "feel something there" and he wants to remove it and possibly do a biopsy. He's pretty confident it's just extra tissue created from the stitching before. He's going to do a "release" as he calls it and try to put me back to how I used to be. He told me "we get so concerned with making things nice and tight that sometimes we can go a little far." A little far? That's putting it mildly. Tell that to my miserable husband. So, I go on March first for a "perineoplasty" to hopefully make life less painful. Reading up on the procedure, it seems like most women complain of having loose skin/muscles inside and the procedure is done to tighten things up. I'm having the opposite issue. I just never thought of this when I pictured having kids. I also never realized how serious an issue it can be when you can no longer be intimate as a couple...it causes a lot of stress, suffering, frustration, pain, and sadness. Hopefully, this procedure will fix things and get me closer to how I used to be. Oh, the memories. :)
Chris has been so supportive and understanding during all of this and I'm forever grateful and appreciative of him. It's important to me that I'm not blamed for something I have no control over. Has anything like this happened to anyone else? I guess I would encourage anyone who is in significant pain for a long time after having a baby that perhaps you should see your doctor and maybe surgery is an option for you too? Thanks for reading and letting me vent...I'll be sure to let you know how things turn out. In the meantime, I basically have a big orange sign around my neck that says "KEEP OUT!"
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16 comments :
Ouch, poor Megan! I admit that I too have had some similar experiences. It's still painful at first (kind of reminds me of that first time pain), but I don't think it's to that extent? Then again, maybe I should bring it up to my doctor because it's really not fair that I'm still having pain 8 months later and get spotting after each time. That and I generally don't have a lot of interest (or maybe I don't have interest because I know it's not comfortable?). Luckily, my Chris is also very supportive, but I still feel bad about it!
Thanks for having the courage to talk about it. I hope everything goes well!
Oh, yikes. What an awful thing to have to deal with. But hopefully the surgery takes care of everything!
I am so sorry you have to deal with this! Not fair - you've already had too much for one woman to deal with. I am sure you will be as good as new after the surgery. I am sending you good thoughts!
UGH! That sounds awful - so much for the vaginal rejuvenation commercials!
On a personal note I want to slap every person or book that says pregnant women are WILDLY HORNEY, because that could not be further from my mind and while it is not the same as your situation I feel so bad for my sweet husband and just pray that one day I'll want to be touched again. Because in case your doctor for got - making kids takes sex, lots of it!
Hope all goes well, and BTW P's nursery is one of my very favorites I've seen.
I am so sorry for you! Hopefully everything will be better after the procedure :-) I have you in my prayers! And thanks for sharing this with us! I had a C-section, and I am not aware of all those things!
Oh, Megan, I hope the surgery works for you and that your recovery goes well. My daughter is 4 months old, and my recovery from my c-section is going much worse than I thought it would be. It is wearing on mind, body, and spirit; and is quite stressful to my relationship with my husband who is supportive but as frustrated as I am. I just want you to know that you're not alone, and that your honesty is always appreciated.
I admire you for writing so honestly! I do hope everything goes well with the procedure and that you find yourself comfortable once again. When my little one was born, she broke my tailbone, and everything has been incredibly painful since then - walking, sitting, driving, sleeping...that and a 10 week old are incredibly powerful birth control! It's hard to desire intimacy and yet fear it so powerfully on a physical level. Hang in there - it sounds like you're not alone by any means.
MG:thanks! I broke my tailbone during birth too...and I'm wondering if that's a contributer. I can say, the pain finally felt ok after 6 months. Although, now at 10 months, it still has issues when I bend certain ways while holding the baby. UGH. I feel your pain! Literally!
I have never heard of breaking a tailbone during birth before but I have a weak one as is because of a previous injury. Do you know how/why it happens? How to prevent it?
yeah- painful sex is the worst for a marriage. Unfortunately, i've never had kids: but sex has ALWAYS been that painful for me. Every magazine article, discussion board and doctor has said the same thing: Just relax, just use lots of lube, and best of all "sucks to be you." At this point i can't have sex with my husband unless it's pitch dark because i hate that he has to see the pain and tears on my face. I may find a new gyno and discuss the "correction" you're getting.
But, again, too much pain to have sex is a ticking time bomb for a marriage.
Regarding the tailbone; my doctor said "it happens" and there's nothing to really be done. I asked why it happened and he said it can be a number of reasons from the position of the baby/the baby pushing with its feet in there or the very act of pushing so hard on my part. We were also wondering if it was from the doctor fishing around in there frantically to get the placenta out since it was coming out in little pieces. UGH.
MelissaJade: UGH! What a nightmare you are in!!! I've read about people who have always had pain during sex and they said that there can be "extra skin" inside that rubs wrong and causes pain. I guess this very procedure can be done to remove that extra skin and fix things up. Another thing that could cause bad pain during the deed is endometriosis. In my case, the doctor found a little bit of tissue in the "hymenal ring" as he called it, where the stitches were. Perhaps you have some extra skin in that same area that needs to be removed. I'd find a doctor who is willing to help you, there's no reason for you to suffer any longer. To get my doc. to listen, I really stressed that it was very negative for my marriage.
Though my pain was nothing on yours, as I had a c-section, sex was still TERRIBLE for ages after my daughter was born, just because I was so dry. Honestly, even with lube, I felt like I was on fire. And everyone I know who's had a baby has had similar problems with that, so at least you're not alone-- it's fun for no one. Hope the surgery does the trick for you.
Wow, this IS interesting. I must admit 18 months after my daughter's birth it still is a little painful, well, not as bad as the machete thing, but at least I feel something is wrong there Maybe I should tell someone to check on that, I never thought it could be caused by the "sewing" itself...
HI! I actually know all about this, and how awful it is.
Surgery was also suggested for me but after a few months of manual therapy (there is a lot of scar tissue causing extreme tightness in my vagina from where I was stitched), I do feel like I am a million times better. Sex was so painful it brought tears every time. I saw a women's health specialist and she did pressure therapy and worked with my pelvic area (the babe also put me seriously out of alignment so lower back pain was a major issue). I would see if there is such a doctor in your area. I live in Cincinnati and the woman I saw is the only one in the area who actually works with this kind of thing. She really made a huge difference.
Good luck to you!!
I've had some similar problems. Did the procedure work for you?
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