Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Deliberate Motherhood: Love is in the work

 Disclaimer: These posts are dedicated to following along with the book "Deliberate Motherhood: 12 Key Powers of Peace, Purpose, Order & Joy," a compilation of essays on motherhood written by authors who contribute to the Power of Moms website. Each month has a different "power" to focus on with the purpose of finding peace, purpose, order and joy in the role of motherhood. I will be writing various posts each month based on that theme. You don't have to have the book to follow along though! February's theme is "Love."

Lately I've been so frustrated. Fussing kids.
FUSSING FUSSING FUSSING.
Mostly Noah...wandering around all day moaning and groaning, whining, clinging needing to be held for hours and hours. It grates my nerves to their nubs until I can't take it anymore and scream at him.
Then I feel like a failure Mom who can't control her temper. Breathe.
Cleaning, wiping, picking up, throwing away, more cleaning and wiping...
*pick up the baby*
Cleaning, wiping, picking up, throwing away, more cleaning and wiping...
*change the baby*
*feed the baby*
Cleaning, wiping, picking up, throwing away, more cleaning and wiping...
*play with the baby*
*pick up the baby*
Do the dishes whilst there is much crying and clinging
*pick up the baby*
Shove some laundry in the washer
*pick up the baby*
A snippet of a 2 hour window in my day that feels like it drags on forever.
My sore back groans at me. My sore hip cries at me. I'm so tired.
These are the times I pray a lot. I like to ask for help with patience, understanding, and peace. To see my life as the gift God has intended. To remember my purpose.
It usually works and I feel a warm glow in my heart radiate love all over; enough to soften my anger and frustration. I remember that I do everything I do out of love. I show my love as I wash the dishes...they hold food for those I care about most. I show my love as I do the laundry...the clean clothes adorn the bodies I helped create and love so much. I show my love as I wipe and toss and clean and pick up...keeping the home for those I love so much relatively clean and safe so they can come home and feel cozy and happy. Love is the catalyst for my current vocation of motherhood. Love is the gearwork that keeps everything ticking. Love is my motivation. Each task I do is a prayer to God and to my family that I am grateful for all I have and for how lucky I am to have them to love.

It isn't always easy to remember love when we are angry and frustrated and worn out. But, the love is there hidden in those crusty dishes (dirty from a nice meal for a little belly). It's hidden in the paint stains on the dirty clothes (messes from learning new things). It's there in the crumbs, the spills, the toys all over the floor...all reminders that love lives here. And I am so very blessed.

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