Happy 2-month birthday Paige!!! We love you so much! We are so proud of you!
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
Reflecting
Hi friends! There's an actual break in the clouds/rain here! It's only supposed to last an hour or so, but it's so nice to see the sun for the first time in weeks! Woooo!
I've been meaning to write about my thoughts on my pregnancy now that I am looking at it in a metaphorical rear-view mirror. When people asked me "are you enjoying your pregnancy?" I found it so hard to answer! I guess that's because my situation was so complicated. The short answer was always "oh yes! I am so blessed and lucky and am thrilled to be on this ride." The truth is, the first trimester was horrible. I couldn't help it, I'd put my excitement on the backburner since I'd had 4 pregnancy losses before. No reason to get excited, right? I wanted so badly to let go and let myself feel the joy. But all I felt was terror. Gripping terror. I was so scared of losing this pregnancy too...I barely slept at night. Fear gripped my body all day long and it was all I could think about. With each passing day I felt a little better, but also deeper in fear. I wouldn't wish that stress on anyone. I literally ate, slept, and breathed terror. My chest was tight and it was always hard to breathe. Of course, no matter how hard I tried I couldn't relax. Which made me worry about the wee one inside of me...was I making her sick? UGH. It was a vicious cycle. It didn't help that I had a lot of spotting and a hematoma that threatened the embryo. The second trimester saw me with a little less fear, but dealing with discovering her 2 -vessel umbilical cord and her sketchy 1st-trimester screen results. We were worried about her heart and kidney development. I was worried she'd run out of room in my T-shaped uterus and be born viciously early. It was always something! I truly loved the third trimester. I relaxed and knew that every week meant I had a "more viable" baby than the week before. The odds improved so much with each day that I finally relaxed and let myself enjoy being pregnant without so much fear. It was a short but wonderful time.
Sometimes I find myself jealous of others who had easy pregnancies or who never have had to go through so much loss. I'm happy for them, but jealous and wish those great things for myself. I will never have a terror-free pregnancy. I will never have that naive joy from day one. I'm not complaining though; I was finally able to experience it and that is the bottom line. How it happened turns out to be irrelevant. There is no room to envy others when I have been given this gift myself. Someday, perhaps in a few years, we will try again for another child. And frankly, I don't know HOW I will go through it all again. But I know that I will try. I don't know if it will work. I am hoping! The joy we feel on the other side; now that Paige is here, is so worth it. Mothering doesn't start when the baby is born. It starts at the moment of conception as you go about doing whatever it takes mentally and physically to keep that baby safe even when it is out of your hands. It starts with the dream of having a child and all you do to make it happen along the way...whether with help from doctors, no help at all, or through adoption. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't marvel at my little girl and feel so appreciative. But it came with a heavy price...but I would pay that price every single day forever and ever as long as I can have Paige here in my life.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Dear Little P.
Dear Little P,
You are 8 weeks old! You've had a busy two months of living so far! Phew! It's no wonder you are napping in your bouncy chair right now. All that growing and observing and eating...it takes a lot out of a girl. (I would mention all the poo-ing in that list, but it's definitely implied!!) This month you've gotten strong enough to keep your head steady when I hold you up on my shoulder. You like to pull back and look around at everything. You are quite fascinated by flowers: paintings of them, photos of them, drawings of them, ACTUAL flowers...you seem to love the colors. You also enjoy looking at your little board books while you are sitting in your bouncy chair. I hold up the pictures and read to you and you smile and gurgle with glee. It's so sweet! You've also changed formula this month which meant less gas, more comfort, less spit up and lots more sleep! It's been a real winner. You had a hard time in your 6th week...you fussed and cried all the time and it was really hard for me to comfort you. But you sailed through going in like a lion and out, well, less like a lamb and more like a puma. Maybe not as big as a lion but still feisty. And you don't hear about pumas every day so I had to add it in.
Now that you are 8 weeks we have been having great days! Your napping has stabilized into nice 2-hour bits. Thanks to your Miracle Blanket! Swaddling has been the best sleep solution for you and now you can't slap yourself in the face while you sleep! Sometimes it's more like an hour, but so much better than the tiny naps you used to have! That's the time Mama runs around like crazy to: get dressed, clean your bottles, eat meals and do some laundry or light housekeeping before you need me to feed you or soothe you back to sleep with a little shushing and a tummy rub. It's also the time I write my blog posts and take the dog out to pee. I know Maren likes to lick your feet...sorry about that. I try to keep her from doing it but she always finds a way to sneak in there. I guess you'll have to get used to it! When you are awake you enjoy eating and you are so content when doing so. You also enjoy your play time after each meal...brightly looking around at the world and soaking it all in with your little shrieks of excitement.
In other news, you have been getting much bigger, chubbier, cuter (if that's possible) and much more responsive. You focus on things and look at us...your smiles of recognition light my life! You love to gurgle with glee over so many little delights and it reminds me to take time out to enjoy little tiny pleasures. I'm so lucky to get to make you smile and be a part of your day. It's what I've been put here to do! I hope you feel safe and happy here with us. I hope you feel the confidence I have gained since the beginning of your life and that you know I love you soooo much every moment of every day. As I stare down at you as you peacefully sleep, I'm still amazed that I'm a mother. I'm YOUR mother. And there's nothing else in the world I'd rather be.
Love you always and always,
Mama
P.S. You are soooo close to sleeping through the night! If you could do us a favor and throw Mama and Daddy a bone with that one...perhaps a raise in your allowance is in your future??
You are 8 weeks old! You've had a busy two months of living so far! Phew! It's no wonder you are napping in your bouncy chair right now. All that growing and observing and eating...it takes a lot out of a girl. (I would mention all the poo-ing in that list, but it's definitely implied!!) This month you've gotten strong enough to keep your head steady when I hold you up on my shoulder. You like to pull back and look around at everything. You are quite fascinated by flowers: paintings of them, photos of them, drawings of them, ACTUAL flowers...you seem to love the colors. You also enjoy looking at your little board books while you are sitting in your bouncy chair. I hold up the pictures and read to you and you smile and gurgle with glee. It's so sweet! You've also changed formula this month which meant less gas, more comfort, less spit up and lots more sleep! It's been a real winner. You had a hard time in your 6th week...you fussed and cried all the time and it was really hard for me to comfort you. But you sailed through going in like a lion and out, well, less like a lamb and more like a puma. Maybe not as big as a lion but still feisty. And you don't hear about pumas every day so I had to add it in.
Now that you are 8 weeks we have been having great days! Your napping has stabilized into nice 2-hour bits. Thanks to your Miracle Blanket! Swaddling has been the best sleep solution for you and now you can't slap yourself in the face while you sleep! Sometimes it's more like an hour, but so much better than the tiny naps you used to have! That's the time Mama runs around like crazy to: get dressed, clean your bottles, eat meals and do some laundry or light housekeeping before you need me to feed you or soothe you back to sleep with a little shushing and a tummy rub. It's also the time I write my blog posts and take the dog out to pee. I know Maren likes to lick your feet...sorry about that. I try to keep her from doing it but she always finds a way to sneak in there. I guess you'll have to get used to it! When you are awake you enjoy eating and you are so content when doing so. You also enjoy your play time after each meal...brightly looking around at the world and soaking it all in with your little shrieks of excitement.
In other news, you have been getting much bigger, chubbier, cuter (if that's possible) and much more responsive. You focus on things and look at us...your smiles of recognition light my life! You love to gurgle with glee over so many little delights and it reminds me to take time out to enjoy little tiny pleasures. I'm so lucky to get to make you smile and be a part of your day. It's what I've been put here to do! I hope you feel safe and happy here with us. I hope you feel the confidence I have gained since the beginning of your life and that you know I love you soooo much every moment of every day. As I stare down at you as you peacefully sleep, I'm still amazed that I'm a mother. I'm YOUR mother. And there's nothing else in the world I'd rather be.
Love you always and always,
Mama
P.S. You are soooo close to sleeping through the night! If you could do us a favor and throw Mama and Daddy a bone with that one...perhaps a raise in your allowance is in your future??
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Happy Father's Day!
Happy Father's Day Chris!! After we got married, you were no longer just the best boyfriend in the world; you became the best husband in the world! Friends, Chris is such a loving and caring person. He slaves over a hot stove and makes us dinner every night. This is a guy who figured out the recipe for my favorite chili from a restaurant far away just because I loved it...he took a few tries and soon had the perfect blend of ingredients for the pulled-pork chili I would travel hours just to have. He brings me home flowers for the smallest of occasions...cupcakes for the same, or yummy chocolate milk from the local farm stand...He knows just what I like. And while I was pregnant, he would do MORE of this and even surprise me with my cheeseburger cravings when he arrived home...without me even saying I had the craving that day! Since having Paige, he continues to make dinner and even makes me a lunch to eat for the next day so that I don't have to rush around with the little time there is to make it. He booked me for a facial at a local spa last weekend so I could get away and have some time to myself. I can't get over how wonderfully thoughtful he is. Now Chris is the best Daddy. Paige couldn't be luckier to have him as a Dad. He rushes home each day to care for her...to give her dinner and hold her and snuggle with her. He gives her a bath in the evening and lovingly chooses her outfits. He's even come home with little outfits he found for her while shopping for other things! He puts her safely in bed at night after caring for her himself all evening and she always smiles big when he comes home. Yes, she loves her Daddy and I love him too. Happy first Father's Day Chris. You are the light of our lives...the sun in our sky. Not a day goes by where we don't appreciate you and all that you are and all that you do. We love you always.
PS. Happy Father's Day to MY Dad! I've been lucky to have you as my father and now you get to be Paige's Grandpa! It's fatherhood all over again without the stress! :) Much love to you!
Friday, June 19, 2009
Inspiration
We can all learn from this. And, as grateful as I feel every day, sometimes I'm annoyed at 2:30 in the morning with waking up and tending to Paige's meals. But when I catch myself frowning, I think of this child(I've seen this several times in the past) and it sets me straight. It's worth the time to watch and listen. May it help you see the joy in EVERY moment as well. Enjoy your weekend!
My little wookie
Chewbacca from Star Wars was a Wookie. We didn't have those in the real world until now! I'm so in love with this little girl! Her little voice and coos and smiles are my elixir for life. You'll want the volume for full effect.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Fooled youuuu!
Paige slept in her usual 2 hour stretches last night. Oh well! The little shnug will get there though! Once she gets a little older and can get away without that extra feeding we will be in business. At least her napping has improved! Hooray! We've also settled on the Level 3 nipple (we are using Dr. Brown's line of bottles). We'd rather her eat fast than to get nothing at all. I just make her take breaks between each ounce and she seems to do just fine. Thanks for the advice! I got lots of emails on that one. The level 2 nipple was just too small and the level 3 just too big. But the holes practically look the same! It's amazing what a difference they are. Anyway, we are happy with the good naps and the fact that she sleeps well in her 2 hour stretches! In celebration, here is her smile.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
To sleep, perchance to dream...
Hi!
Since she was born, Paige has not been big on sleeping for long stretches. Pretty normal for a new infant I suppose. Her naps during the day were very short. Perhaps a half-hour at best when she napped. And her evenings have been about sleeping for two hours after an hour long feed/change/burp fest. Again, not too shocking for a young infant. But it doesn't make me have to like it! We all know that fragmented sleep is NOT the same as one smooth stretch of sleep. My poor mother can tell you that, especially after my tearful calls last week desperate to be talked down from my fatigued ledge (not to mention her OWN battles with it from us kids.) Paige's six-week fussy period has been crazy. But we're alive! Barely! There were moments I wished I would spontaneously combust, but Mom's advice of "it will get better" and "this next hour will be better than the last" helped me along. Paige turned 7 weeks old yesterday. And to celebrate this week, she slept for 2 hour naps all day the day before. And last night she went down to bed at almost 8 o'clock after a feed on some new formula and her little bedtime routine. We also are trying out a new LED nightlight in her room that glows green and is shaped like a flat little tv screen. It gives out WAY less light than a standard nightlight and makes the room much, much darker. Well, my friends, I woke up to her little noises at 1:50 in the morning! For us, this is a HUGE deal. She's never had such a long stretch of sleep!!! Is it the new formula? The new, earlier bedtime (she usually goes down after the next feeding cycle by 11:00)? The cool new nightlight? All three? Either way, it worked. She's still small and will likely need to wake in the night for a feed for a few weeks to come, but these longer stretches of sleep are like a jug of water in the desert. I also know that last night could be an isolated incident and I shouldn't get too excited yet. But, I am going to celebrate anyway because it means it is POSSIBLE!!! I'm not going to rain on my parade yet. And if you are wondering, we switched from regular Similac Advance to Similac Sensitive RS. No, I'm not breastfeeding (due to medical issues I won't go into here so please don't judge or criticize...I'm fragile you know) The new kind of formula is supposed to help reduce spit up and gas. It definitely seems to do this so far! Her spit up has gotten ridiculous as of late, so I decided it was time to make the switch. She doesn't have reflux or anything...just a "happy spitter" as her doctor calls it. The new stuff is pretty darn sticky in comparison to the old kind and it doesn't seem to ooze everywhere out of her mouth as she eats. The only challenge right now is figuring out which nipple size to use. One size takes her FOREVER to eat (close to an hour for a few ounces and she has to work very hard at it) and the other size makes the food FLOW right out (ok when she's hungry, but not in the middle of the night when she's sleepy and can't keep up). I wish there was a happy middle option. Anyway, this post is horribly boring in general... But exciting for me, so THERE! A little milestone has been touched and I must mention it. So, if in a few years we have another child, I can look back in my tearful desperation and see that HEY! maybe things will improve at 7 weeks!? And, in closing, now that I've told you all about this, she will go back to 2 hour stretches. If so, we will always have the memories. Oh, the memories. "Meeemorieeeees, light the corners of my miiiiiiiind........." *fade to black*
Since she was born, Paige has not been big on sleeping for long stretches. Pretty normal for a new infant I suppose. Her naps during the day were very short. Perhaps a half-hour at best when she napped. And her evenings have been about sleeping for two hours after an hour long feed/change/burp fest. Again, not too shocking for a young infant. But it doesn't make me have to like it! We all know that fragmented sleep is NOT the same as one smooth stretch of sleep. My poor mother can tell you that, especially after my tearful calls last week desperate to be talked down from my fatigued ledge (not to mention her OWN battles with it from us kids.) Paige's six-week fussy period has been crazy. But we're alive! Barely! There were moments I wished I would spontaneously combust, but Mom's advice of "it will get better" and "this next hour will be better than the last" helped me along. Paige turned 7 weeks old yesterday. And to celebrate this week, she slept for 2 hour naps all day the day before. And last night she went down to bed at almost 8 o'clock after a feed on some new formula and her little bedtime routine. We also are trying out a new LED nightlight in her room that glows green and is shaped like a flat little tv screen. It gives out WAY less light than a standard nightlight and makes the room much, much darker. Well, my friends, I woke up to her little noises at 1:50 in the morning! For us, this is a HUGE deal. She's never had such a long stretch of sleep!!! Is it the new formula? The new, earlier bedtime (she usually goes down after the next feeding cycle by 11:00)? The cool new nightlight? All three? Either way, it worked. She's still small and will likely need to wake in the night for a feed for a few weeks to come, but these longer stretches of sleep are like a jug of water in the desert. I also know that last night could be an isolated incident and I shouldn't get too excited yet. But, I am going to celebrate anyway because it means it is POSSIBLE!!! I'm not going to rain on my parade yet. And if you are wondering, we switched from regular Similac Advance to Similac Sensitive RS. No, I'm not breastfeeding (due to medical issues I won't go into here so please don't judge or criticize...I'm fragile you know) The new kind of formula is supposed to help reduce spit up and gas. It definitely seems to do this so far! Her spit up has gotten ridiculous as of late, so I decided it was time to make the switch. She doesn't have reflux or anything...just a "happy spitter" as her doctor calls it. The new stuff is pretty darn sticky in comparison to the old kind and it doesn't seem to ooze everywhere out of her mouth as she eats. The only challenge right now is figuring out which nipple size to use. One size takes her FOREVER to eat (close to an hour for a few ounces and she has to work very hard at it) and the other size makes the food FLOW right out (ok when she's hungry, but not in the middle of the night when she's sleepy and can't keep up). I wish there was a happy middle option. Anyway, this post is horribly boring in general... But exciting for me, so THERE! A little milestone has been touched and I must mention it. So, if in a few years we have another child, I can look back in my tearful desperation and see that HEY! maybe things will improve at 7 weeks!? And, in closing, now that I've told you all about this, she will go back to 2 hour stretches. If so, we will always have the memories. Oh, the memories. "Meeemorieeeees, light the corners of my miiiiiiiind........." *fade to black*
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Paige's Birth Announcement
Hi friends!
I've finally finished mailing out the birth announcements I made for family and a few friends. They were quite the undertaking! But, I didn't want to skimp since I do this for a living and really wanted to do something nice for my own child. Also, these were very intensive to do and no client (or very few at least!) would ever order something like this (it's very cost prohibitive due to the time it takes to line envelopes, do a 2-color letterpress job, print and cut belly bands, etc.). Anyway, here it is! I lined most of the envelopes while still pregnant. I did the design while pregnant as well. The little insignia at the top with the "P" in it says "Little P est. 2009" And next to it says "P is for Paige".
After Paige was born, I updated the information in the design and sent out for the letterpress plates. I then printed all the belly-bands out on my inkjet printer and trimmed them. When my Mother in Law was here hanging out with Paige I finished lining the envelopes and even ordered a custom rubber stamp I designed to do the return address on the back of the envelope (and I can continue using the stamp for all my mailings now!) Then, on a Sunday, Chris spent the day with Paige while I letterpressed and trimmed her announcements down. I also assembled them all. And during her "naps" (they were short last week so I use the term loosely) or fussy evenings, I stuffed and addressed the envelopes. (that took all week!) It's finally finished and I'm happy with how it came out. Phew! I hope you like them too!
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Gross and Grosser
Before Paige was born I was scared about all the gross things that would come my way...baby-related things. You know, being pooped on, barfed on, etc. I knew it would all be inevitable, but somewhere deep down, secretly, I'd hoped that I'd be able to avoid some of those things. I've quickly learned that I'd never be immune to the grossness that can surround you when a baby is there too.
1. Sketchy Boobs:
They sort of resemble something out of National Geographic magazine right now. Thank God for push-up bras. There's also some interesting stretch marks on them. But those are everywhere on me now. Earning your stripes doesn't only count if you are in the military.
2. Poop:
I don't mind changing the poopy diaper. It's not so bad, really. At least not yet. Sometimes I'll gag a little, but don't tell Paige. It's when she "sharts" (shitting and farting at the same time) a BIG one and sometimes it will leak out the edge of the diaper and I won't know about it. It's usually when I'm feeding her. I'll be holding her and feel dampness and either A.) with my hand...where I then smell it and GAG upon the realization it is poop. or B.) will move her a little and find that there is a big wet spot on my shirt that is brownish in color and GAG upon the realization that it is poop and is also soaked onto my skin THROUGH my shirt. GAG again.
3. Spit up:
I don't mind a little spit up here and there. Not so bad, and I just wipe it right up. It's when she projectile flings it across her body or the room. It SPLOOSHES onto everything in the area and is a big pain in my ass to clean up. And the dog loves to jump in on the fun by trying to lick it up. GAG again. One time, while I was burping her, she turned her head and SPLOOSHED her "middle of the night burrito" (as I like to call her feeding) right into the side of my face. There was a lot of it, so it dripped down and right into the neck of my shirt, covering my National Geographic chest with her mucousy spit up. There was quite a bit, so I had to change my shirt, etc. right away. I didn't gag that time, but was a little grossed out. I also gave my face a nice washing after that.
4. Boogers:
I've wiped a lot of boogers in my life. But I'd always hoped I could get away with not having to use a bulb syringe on a baby. No luck. When she had her cold, I had to suck out each of Paige's nostrils all day. It wasn't all that bad since it was so much like liquid. But then, the other day I noticed she was snorting funny and I could see that there were boogers way up in there. With the bulb syringe again, I worked one out (it took some doing!) and I swear to God it was about an inch long. I gagged a good bit at that one. To be honest.
5. Rectal Temperature:
This one I secretly hoped I would never have to do. Besides, we have a fancy ear thermometer that claims it's more accurate than that. But dammit, the pediatrician's office DEMANDS her temp be given rectally. At least for now anyway. So when we called to ask how to handle her cold, they immediatly wanted the dreaded temp. NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! *sigh*
We whipped out THAT thermometer (the one I'd hoped we'd never have to open the package for) and covered it in the Vaseline. It actually turned out to be pretty easy. Paige just hung out on the changing table on her diaper. She didn't even poop on me during it AND she stayed perfectly calm. I was freaking out the whole time but felt much better once it was over. All in all, it was no big deal and a whole lot of worry about nothing.
Later in the future I'll be dealing with actual vomit and puke. But for now, I've been saved. Hey, I used to work summers at a day care and the worst mess was when an 8-year old girl projectile vomited her entire lunch all over the bathroom. Not IN the toilet, mind you, but ALL OVER IT and all over the pipes that attach it, and all over the sink, wall, floor, etc. It must have been some sort of "Exorcist" moment. I didn't see it happen, but that was some GROSS clean up I had to do. It took me an hour to clean. I still have flashbacks and nightmares. I dealt with a lot of gross things at that job, but that incident stands out quite a bit! So, I feel like if I can clean up some kid who isn't even mine's puke then I can jolly well be able to clean up my OWN kid's puke. Unless I bat my eyelashes and beg my husband to do it instead. I'm not above that you know.
Have I sufficiently grossed you out yet???
Be well friends, and we are surviving the "peak of fussiness" that is week 6. It sucks a lot. She cries and fusses a lot (especially after 4 pm). And she's spitting up a lot (because her tummy get's so tight). Her sleep isn't the best right now either. BUT we'd been warned about all of these things and that they would happen this week. So, at least I'm not surprised. Needless to say, we are SO looking forward to next week! In the meantime, I love to watch her sleep the little during the day that she does. I still can't believe that little miracle came from us! And despite all the "gross" things that come from her, she remains incredibly lovable and cute and I will always come back for more no matter WHAT she does!
1. Sketchy Boobs:
They sort of resemble something out of National Geographic magazine right now. Thank God for push-up bras. There's also some interesting stretch marks on them. But those are everywhere on me now. Earning your stripes doesn't only count if you are in the military.
2. Poop:
I don't mind changing the poopy diaper. It's not so bad, really. At least not yet. Sometimes I'll gag a little, but don't tell Paige. It's when she "sharts" (shitting and farting at the same time) a BIG one and sometimes it will leak out the edge of the diaper and I won't know about it. It's usually when I'm feeding her. I'll be holding her and feel dampness and either A.) with my hand...where I then smell it and GAG upon the realization it is poop. or B.) will move her a little and find that there is a big wet spot on my shirt that is brownish in color and GAG upon the realization that it is poop and is also soaked onto my skin THROUGH my shirt. GAG again.
3. Spit up:
I don't mind a little spit up here and there. Not so bad, and I just wipe it right up. It's when she projectile flings it across her body or the room. It SPLOOSHES onto everything in the area and is a big pain in my ass to clean up. And the dog loves to jump in on the fun by trying to lick it up. GAG again. One time, while I was burping her, she turned her head and SPLOOSHED her "middle of the night burrito" (as I like to call her feeding) right into the side of my face. There was a lot of it, so it dripped down and right into the neck of my shirt, covering my National Geographic chest with her mucousy spit up. There was quite a bit, so I had to change my shirt, etc. right away. I didn't gag that time, but was a little grossed out. I also gave my face a nice washing after that.
4. Boogers:
I've wiped a lot of boogers in my life. But I'd always hoped I could get away with not having to use a bulb syringe on a baby. No luck. When she had her cold, I had to suck out each of Paige's nostrils all day. It wasn't all that bad since it was so much like liquid. But then, the other day I noticed she was snorting funny and I could see that there were boogers way up in there. With the bulb syringe again, I worked one out (it took some doing!) and I swear to God it was about an inch long. I gagged a good bit at that one. To be honest.
5. Rectal Temperature:
This one I secretly hoped I would never have to do. Besides, we have a fancy ear thermometer that claims it's more accurate than that. But dammit, the pediatrician's office DEMANDS her temp be given rectally. At least for now anyway. So when we called to ask how to handle her cold, they immediatly wanted the dreaded temp. NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! *sigh*
We whipped out THAT thermometer (the one I'd hoped we'd never have to open the package for) and covered it in the Vaseline. It actually turned out to be pretty easy. Paige just hung out on the changing table on her diaper. She didn't even poop on me during it AND she stayed perfectly calm. I was freaking out the whole time but felt much better once it was over. All in all, it was no big deal and a whole lot of worry about nothing.
Later in the future I'll be dealing with actual vomit and puke. But for now, I've been saved. Hey, I used to work summers at a day care and the worst mess was when an 8-year old girl projectile vomited her entire lunch all over the bathroom. Not IN the toilet, mind you, but ALL OVER IT and all over the pipes that attach it, and all over the sink, wall, floor, etc. It must have been some sort of "Exorcist" moment. I didn't see it happen, but that was some GROSS clean up I had to do. It took me an hour to clean. I still have flashbacks and nightmares. I dealt with a lot of gross things at that job, but that incident stands out quite a bit! So, I feel like if I can clean up some kid who isn't even mine's puke then I can jolly well be able to clean up my OWN kid's puke. Unless I bat my eyelashes and beg my husband to do it instead. I'm not above that you know.
Have I sufficiently grossed you out yet???
Be well friends, and we are surviving the "peak of fussiness" that is week 6. It sucks a lot. She cries and fusses a lot (especially after 4 pm). And she's spitting up a lot (because her tummy get's so tight). Her sleep isn't the best right now either. BUT we'd been warned about all of these things and that they would happen this week. So, at least I'm not surprised. Needless to say, we are SO looking forward to next week! In the meantime, I love to watch her sleep the little during the day that she does. I still can't believe that little miracle came from us! And despite all the "gross" things that come from her, she remains incredibly lovable and cute and I will always come back for more no matter WHAT she does!
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Books that help
Hi friends!
I hope you have been enjoying your weekends! Paige's Godmother came over on Saturday to visit and helped out tremendously! She even watched Little P so Chris and I could go out to dinner together (I had the Avacado and Scallion sushi)...it was nice to get out and be together. Thanks Sue! Sue even survived one of Paige's screaming fits with me...Sue was a real champ in soothing her after a HUGE screaming meltdown. We are approaching the 6 week peak of fussiness and I'm scared! But, I know it will be so much better once we get to the other side of it. We can do it! Anyhoo, in light of Paige's fussiness and issues, friends recommended a few books that, together, have been HUGELY helpful for me. Thanks to the techniques in these books I am now able to soothe Paige so much better and have an understanding of how things work. They have saved the day for me several times now.
1. Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, by Marc Weissbluth
This one advises the "2-hour wakefulness" rule and advises that after the baby is fed, etc. that she shouldn't be kept up for longer than 2 hours (this is the rule up to 3/4 months old.) It seems to prove true as Paige starts to tire at about 1.5 hours of wakefulness. So, I'm sure to put her down to nap at the very first signs of her tiring when she yawns or stretches. It saves me from her screaming from over-stimulation and keeps her calm through the day and night (for the most part!!!)
2. The Happiest Baby on the Block: The New Way to Calm Crying and Help Your Newborn Baby Sleep Longer, by Harvey Karp
This one describes IN DETAIL the 5 "s-es" such as swaddling and shushing and how to really do them effectively for soothing the baby. I knew about the 5 "s-es" but I think I was doing some of them wrong. Once I read this book (well, the parts that I needed to read) I learned a lot of little tricks that I wasn't doing right. I also learned that these techniques have to be done in just the right way and in the right order so that they work properly. So helpful!! I can soothe Paige now in a few minutes with these as opposed to the hours it used to take me.
3. Secrets of the Baby Whisperer: How to Calm, Connect, and Communicate with Your Baby by Tracy Hogg and Melinda Blau
This one is full of info and I haven't been able to read all of it yet. But, it suggests having a daily routine (an order of which things are done and not by the clock). It suggests that the baby should eat, have an activity after that, and then sleep. Which I was sort of doing anyway. This way, the baby and yourself always know what to expect next. I do this in tandem with the "2-hour wakefulness" rule and things run pretty smoothly. There's lots of other info in the book, but this is the main nugget that I've taken so far. There's also a handy chart that breaks down the baby's body language and what it might mean. Most are obvious, but some are not so it helped me out once or twice already.
Anyway, these books, in tandem, have been a big help for us so I thought I would share them here for any new Mom's out there also looking for info on soothing a fussy baby. Most of what I do is instinct, but when I need that little extra bit of advice or reassurance, these books have been helpful. I've just needed a little extra help during these first 6 weeks and hope it will get us through the first 3 months of "new baby" times. I'm feeling much more confident these days, thanks to some of the tips I've discovered. You never know, maybe you can find a tip or two that will help YOU out too! Be well friends, and please send me a happy thought during this coming week...the supposed "peak" of fussiness! (Although, she was born a week early, so perhaps the peak will be next week? Oh well, who knows, she may be a complete ANGEL and never have a problem!?!! That's the beauty of it all...each day is a new chocolate.) And onward we walk!
I hope you have been enjoying your weekends! Paige's Godmother came over on Saturday to visit and helped out tremendously! She even watched Little P so Chris and I could go out to dinner together (I had the Avacado and Scallion sushi)...it was nice to get out and be together. Thanks Sue! Sue even survived one of Paige's screaming fits with me...Sue was a real champ in soothing her after a HUGE screaming meltdown. We are approaching the 6 week peak of fussiness and I'm scared! But, I know it will be so much better once we get to the other side of it. We can do it! Anyhoo, in light of Paige's fussiness and issues, friends recommended a few books that, together, have been HUGELY helpful for me. Thanks to the techniques in these books I am now able to soothe Paige so much better and have an understanding of how things work. They have saved the day for me several times now.
1. Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, by Marc Weissbluth
This one advises the "2-hour wakefulness" rule and advises that after the baby is fed, etc. that she shouldn't be kept up for longer than 2 hours (this is the rule up to 3/4 months old.) It seems to prove true as Paige starts to tire at about 1.5 hours of wakefulness. So, I'm sure to put her down to nap at the very first signs of her tiring when she yawns or stretches. It saves me from her screaming from over-stimulation and keeps her calm through the day and night (for the most part!!!)
2. The Happiest Baby on the Block: The New Way to Calm Crying and Help Your Newborn Baby Sleep Longer, by Harvey Karp
This one describes IN DETAIL the 5 "s-es" such as swaddling and shushing and how to really do them effectively for soothing the baby. I knew about the 5 "s-es" but I think I was doing some of them wrong. Once I read this book (well, the parts that I needed to read) I learned a lot of little tricks that I wasn't doing right. I also learned that these techniques have to be done in just the right way and in the right order so that they work properly. So helpful!! I can soothe Paige now in a few minutes with these as opposed to the hours it used to take me.
3. Secrets of the Baby Whisperer: How to Calm, Connect, and Communicate with Your Baby by Tracy Hogg and Melinda Blau
This one is full of info and I haven't been able to read all of it yet. But, it suggests having a daily routine (an order of which things are done and not by the clock). It suggests that the baby should eat, have an activity after that, and then sleep. Which I was sort of doing anyway. This way, the baby and yourself always know what to expect next. I do this in tandem with the "2-hour wakefulness" rule and things run pretty smoothly. There's lots of other info in the book, but this is the main nugget that I've taken so far. There's also a handy chart that breaks down the baby's body language and what it might mean. Most are obvious, but some are not so it helped me out once or twice already.
Anyway, these books, in tandem, have been a big help for us so I thought I would share them here for any new Mom's out there also looking for info on soothing a fussy baby. Most of what I do is instinct, but when I need that little extra bit of advice or reassurance, these books have been helpful. I've just needed a little extra help during these first 6 weeks and hope it will get us through the first 3 months of "new baby" times. I'm feeling much more confident these days, thanks to some of the tips I've discovered. You never know, maybe you can find a tip or two that will help YOU out too! Be well friends, and please send me a happy thought during this coming week...the supposed "peak" of fussiness! (Although, she was born a week early, so perhaps the peak will be next week? Oh well, who knows, she may be a complete ANGEL and never have a problem!?!! That's the beauty of it all...each day is a new chocolate.) And onward we walk!
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Snot and stuff
Hi friends!
Sorry I've been missing. We are busy battling colds here. UGH! I was hoping we could avoid the common cold during these first few months of Paige's life. No dice! Chris is almost done with it and I'm in the middle of it. Paige had the lightest case of it, but there was still a few days of suctioning out her nose with the bulb syringe and letting her sleep upright on my chest or in the vibrating chair. I was so paranoid and scared she would choke on her mucous. Ick. She seems so much better now and I got a little more sleep last night (as did Chris!). Grandma Carty came by to help for a few days which was heaven! I got lots of little things done while she doted on Little P and took good care of her. Grandpa Carty joined in toward the end and put in lots of good quality time with the li'l schnook too.
Chris and I even made it out on Saturday night to the wedding of a friend! I had the worst hormonal pull...I felt like I would cry toward the end of the dinner that night because I felt this need to rush home to her. I missed her terribly...it hit me like a ton of bricks. But, we made it through most of the evening and she was safe and sound at home. Last week she went to the 1 month doctor visit and she measured over 93rd percentile in height and 50th percentile in weight. Her head circumference is tiny, so I guess they are going to keep an eye on it. Looks like she's taking after her Daddy more and more...he's very tall ( 6 foot 3 inches) and his head measures a bit smaller than mine. That is no reference to his brain size, mind you, he's a smartie. :)
So, that's the news here! Hopefully I can share more soon, especially when we are feeling better! I at least wanted to update you and say hello! I hope everyone is doing great!
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
1 Month!
Dear Little P.,
Hi sweetie! Well, as you can see, this is my first letter to you as you are now here in the world with us instead of in my tummy. What a grand month it has been! This first month of your life has been an amazing roller-coaster of emotions for your Daddy and for me and we are thrilled that we have learned so much. And you're learning every day too! You've met a lot of your family and many of our friends...you seem to fit right into things! But it's hard not to like you...being so friendly, sweet and kind and all. It doesn't hurt that you are cute too. :)
Of course, your birth was amazing, but the following few weeks have been such a whirlwind of getting to know you better. We've been working hard to learn how you like to be soothed, how you like to be held, how you like to lay to sleep, what songs you like sung to you and other important details to your current livelihood. We've also spent a good amount of time cleaning up your spit-up, vomit, poop, pee, and who knows what .I guess you haven't lived until you've been pooped on, peed on, puked on, and gagged on all in one day. It's ok because it's all part of YOU. I am happy all your functions are in order! As of the other day, you've started to look at me while I hold you. It's so precious to be able to stare into those big eyes of yours as you check me out. You like to stare at my hair a lot...probably because it is frizzy and crazy most of the time. Having hair like a Fraggle is proving to be entertaining in the wee hours. You seem to LOVE the wee hours! Midnight to around 2 am is a time you seem to be wiggly and "scream-y." I know that is a time I will not be sleeping and must try to soothe you until it is time for your next feeding. I'm learning to not get upset about this and to look at it as a chance to spend some quality time with you. When you finally relax (after doing the 4 or 5 "s-es" such a swaddling, shooshing, swaying, etc.) I love to trace the soft outlines of your face with my eyes...to drink in every rounded curve of your cheeks and eyelashes. I want to memorize your face as it is now and keep it with me as a treasure. The moment will disappear into ashes, but my memory can hold you longer. I love you more and more with each and every moment and miss you more and more as each passes. It's a tidal push and pull of love I've never known before.
I'm excited about your second month of life as it's going to get even better; I'm excited about what time will bring us! I hope you like it here. Please know that your Daddy and I love you more than anything and don't know how we got so lucky that out of all the little girls that God has created we got the BEST one! Thank you for choosing us to be your family.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Little moments
Hi friends!
Thanks so much for all your encouraging comments on my last post! I'm feeling much better and yesterday was a good day, which helped. A good friend of mine sent me one of those emails about mothering; an essay by Anna Quindlen. It was so beautifully written and really touched my heart. This section of the essay really sums up what I want to do with this blog and how I feel about having a child:
"But the biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make while
doing this. I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly
clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs.
There is one picture of the three of them, sitting in the grass on a
quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4 and 1.
And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and
how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish
I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner,
bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the
getting it done a little less.
Even today I’m not sure what worked and what didn’t, what was me and
what was simply life. When they were very small, I suppose I thought
someday they would become who they were because of what I’d done. Now I
suspect they simply grew into their true selves because they demanded in
a thousand ways that I back off and let them be. The books said to be
relaxed and I was often tense, matter-of-fact and I was sometimes over
the top."
I really want to treasure the "doing" more than the "getting it done." Even when things are hard or I really want to be under the warm covers, I try to let myself BE in the moment with Paige and really experience it rather than let my brain wish the time away or wander off to the next task just begging for the end of the day. This blog is a great way to document those moments and I hope to continue doing so as she grows! Happy Memorial Day to all!
Friday, May 22, 2009
The freak out
Hi friends! Here is a warning: profanity is ahead.
So, yesterday I lost my shit. Yes, I couldn't find it anywhere. You'd think my shit would stay firmly where it belonged, but nope, I lost it. I'd also call it "throwing a nutty" but nobody says that anymore, do they? The morning started out normal enough. After breakfast, Paige went into the carrier (the Ergo Baby front carrier) and out we went with the dog. After a few errands, she started to get wiggly and fussy so I took her out. And the crying began. She would not settle no matter what I did. And after about a half-hour of crying, it escalated to tantrum screaming. Blood-curdling screams. She was so worked up that she wasn't even able to gasp to take in a breath anymore. I started to cry because nothing I was doing would help. NOTHING. I then was yelling "What do you want!!!! I'm TRYING TO HELP YOU!!!! WHAT DO I DOOOOOOO!!!!!?????" OF course she didn't know what the hell I was saying. Finally, as a last resort, I made a bottle for her. It had only been 2 hours since she'd eaten, but I figured maybe she was in a growth spurt or something. She instantly calmed and relaxed and happily ate the whole thing, slowly and normally. She started to fall asleep when it was done and all of a sudden SPLOOOOOOOSSSSSHHHHH!!! The whole thing came back up and out. All over me, the pillow, herself, her whole face and her whole outfit and diaper. It was dripping off her eyelashes. She looked so stunned. I quickly mopped up what I could off her and brought her up to change her, etc. I started to get upset again...the one outfit that fits me for summer was now ruined for the day and it was supposed to be over 90 degrees out. All of my maternity stuff is for winter. At least the bottoms are. UGH. I peeled my clothes off since they were soaked and tended to her. She then spit up AGAIN all over the new outfit and diaper. A LOT of spit up. She started screaming again. Once changed AGAIN, she promptly spit up again all over the changing pad and the floor. ARGGGGG!!!!!! Her loud screams could be heard in Guam and I started to cry again. Here I am, half naked with my sagging belly flopping around and my plentiful stretch-marks angrily taunting me...everything smelling like Similac and gooey messes are everywhere. She was screaming, I was crying and trying to keep my shit together. Then, the friggin' dog starts begging at the door to go out and kept JUMPING and JUMPING and JUMPING at the door. What the F??? Anyhoo, she finally stopped spitting up, I was able to change her again and I found a clean outfit to throw on. The dog got out (and promptly begged to come right back in which pissed me right off). Paige kept fussing though and I finally just lost it. I was crying so hysterically. I was so tired and frustrated. I'd been up so early and just wanted some more sleep. And now, it was early afternoon and I wanted a nap so badly but she would not let me put her down. I couldn't even put her on my chest. She wanted me sitting up straight and she wanted to be on my shoulder as I sat vertically. My arms were sore from holding her up but once I put her down she would go hysterical, unable to breathe. After calling my husband in a crying panic, he eventually left work early to get home. He sent me off to shower, go buy some clothes that fit, and spend some time out alone. (a first in over 3 weeks!) My Mom also consoled me over the phone and did a lot of nice coaching and encouraging...as did my best friend. She gave me some words of wisdom "There's a reason they say Motherhood (and parenthood) is the hardest job in the world." When I went out to Target to get some new clothes, I tried on a whole pile of things and nothing fit. My old size, a 4, was out of the question. I'd been buying size 6 stuff in maternity and that wasn't working either. After several depressing rounds in the dressing room, I found I am a size 10 in their clothing. A big difference from what I was once used to! I only found 3 things that looked ok and fit. 2 skirts and 1 pair of shorts. I stared at my body in the dressing room mirror and cried. I could see every one of the zillion stretch marks that adorn my torso...butt, hips, thighs, tummy, boobs...you name it. My extra belly skin hung over the top of my underwear. My face was pale and the dark circles under my eyes were getting deeper and more hollow. Who the hell was this person?? UGH. So, I gathered the things I was going to buy and shuffled out to the register feeling a little defeated. Once back in the car, I cried again and then that was it. I decided that I need to try my best to love the body that gave me my Paige. It worked hard for it to happen and I need to be proud of it. With some time, I'll be able to find a way to get more exercise and things will be ok. And when Paige screams like that, I need to be able to set her down in her crib or safe place and walk away for a few minutes in a quiet room to pull myself together. I have so much to learn. But I wanted to share this day with you all to show that things aren't always roses and sunshine and it is hard. But, even at Target while I was staring at the shorts that wouldn't zip, I missed Paige. I yearned to get home to her and my husband. Hopefully today will be better. But I need to remember that each day is new and different and I need to roll with the punches. The laundry did get done. Dinner was eaten. Shopping happened. A break was had. All thanks to my amazing husband. Today is a new day. What will it bring? Who knows, but I DO know when those wide eyes look up at me while I feed her I will melt and all those angry and frustrated feelings will disappear again. And so we go on!
So, yesterday I lost my shit. Yes, I couldn't find it anywhere. You'd think my shit would stay firmly where it belonged, but nope, I lost it. I'd also call it "throwing a nutty" but nobody says that anymore, do they? The morning started out normal enough. After breakfast, Paige went into the carrier (the Ergo Baby front carrier) and out we went with the dog. After a few errands, she started to get wiggly and fussy so I took her out. And the crying began. She would not settle no matter what I did. And after about a half-hour of crying, it escalated to tantrum screaming. Blood-curdling screams. She was so worked up that she wasn't even able to gasp to take in a breath anymore. I started to cry because nothing I was doing would help. NOTHING. I then was yelling "What do you want!!!! I'm TRYING TO HELP YOU!!!! WHAT DO I DOOOOOOO!!!!!?????" OF course she didn't know what the hell I was saying. Finally, as a last resort, I made a bottle for her. It had only been 2 hours since she'd eaten, but I figured maybe she was in a growth spurt or something. She instantly calmed and relaxed and happily ate the whole thing, slowly and normally. She started to fall asleep when it was done and all of a sudden SPLOOOOOOOSSSSSHHHHH!!! The whole thing came back up and out. All over me, the pillow, herself, her whole face and her whole outfit and diaper. It was dripping off her eyelashes. She looked so stunned. I quickly mopped up what I could off her and brought her up to change her, etc. I started to get upset again...the one outfit that fits me for summer was now ruined for the day and it was supposed to be over 90 degrees out. All of my maternity stuff is for winter. At least the bottoms are. UGH. I peeled my clothes off since they were soaked and tended to her. She then spit up AGAIN all over the new outfit and diaper. A LOT of spit up. She started screaming again. Once changed AGAIN, she promptly spit up again all over the changing pad and the floor. ARGGGGG!!!!!! Her loud screams could be heard in Guam and I started to cry again. Here I am, half naked with my sagging belly flopping around and my plentiful stretch-marks angrily taunting me...everything smelling like Similac and gooey messes are everywhere. She was screaming, I was crying and trying to keep my shit together. Then, the friggin' dog starts begging at the door to go out and kept JUMPING and JUMPING and JUMPING at the door. What the F??? Anyhoo, she finally stopped spitting up, I was able to change her again and I found a clean outfit to throw on. The dog got out (and promptly begged to come right back in which pissed me right off). Paige kept fussing though and I finally just lost it. I was crying so hysterically. I was so tired and frustrated. I'd been up so early and just wanted some more sleep. And now, it was early afternoon and I wanted a nap so badly but she would not let me put her down. I couldn't even put her on my chest. She wanted me sitting up straight and she wanted to be on my shoulder as I sat vertically. My arms were sore from holding her up but once I put her down she would go hysterical, unable to breathe. After calling my husband in a crying panic, he eventually left work early to get home. He sent me off to shower, go buy some clothes that fit, and spend some time out alone. (a first in over 3 weeks!) My Mom also consoled me over the phone and did a lot of nice coaching and encouraging...as did my best friend. She gave me some words of wisdom "There's a reason they say Motherhood (and parenthood) is the hardest job in the world." When I went out to Target to get some new clothes, I tried on a whole pile of things and nothing fit. My old size, a 4, was out of the question. I'd been buying size 6 stuff in maternity and that wasn't working either. After several depressing rounds in the dressing room, I found I am a size 10 in their clothing. A big difference from what I was once used to! I only found 3 things that looked ok and fit. 2 skirts and 1 pair of shorts. I stared at my body in the dressing room mirror and cried. I could see every one of the zillion stretch marks that adorn my torso...butt, hips, thighs, tummy, boobs...you name it. My extra belly skin hung over the top of my underwear. My face was pale and the dark circles under my eyes were getting deeper and more hollow. Who the hell was this person?? UGH. So, I gathered the things I was going to buy and shuffled out to the register feeling a little defeated. Once back in the car, I cried again and then that was it. I decided that I need to try my best to love the body that gave me my Paige. It worked hard for it to happen and I need to be proud of it. With some time, I'll be able to find a way to get more exercise and things will be ok. And when Paige screams like that, I need to be able to set her down in her crib or safe place and walk away for a few minutes in a quiet room to pull myself together. I have so much to learn. But I wanted to share this day with you all to show that things aren't always roses and sunshine and it is hard. But, even at Target while I was staring at the shorts that wouldn't zip, I missed Paige. I yearned to get home to her and my husband. Hopefully today will be better. But I need to remember that each day is new and different and I need to roll with the punches. The laundry did get done. Dinner was eaten. Shopping happened. A break was had. All thanks to my amazing husband. Today is a new day. What will it bring? Who knows, but I DO know when those wide eyes look up at me while I feed her I will melt and all those angry and frustrated feelings will disappear again. And so we go on!
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
A Miracle!
Hi friends!
Little P. turned 3 weeks yesterday! Awww. :)
She celebrated by waking up Monday night at 1:30 am and didn't calm, settle, or go back to sleep that night. Nor did she nap all day yesterday. By the time my husband got home I mentioned that I was considering stabbing myself in the eye. Not really, but I said it. I'd tried everything to soothe her and she calmed, but just would NOT sleep and every time I put her down she would SCREAM herself to tears (she's now making tears and it's so sad...big fat ones...so that makes it even worse) and she could barely breathe. She's much too young to be allowed to "cry it out" so I'd pick her right back up and try something else. THANK SWEET BABY JESUS that my 2 Miracle Blankets arrived in the mail by the end of the day yesterday. I promptly washed them and last night, Chris swaddled her in one to get her ready for bed. He said she fussed for about 5 minutes and then zonked out. Well my friends, she slept from about 10:00 or so until 3:30 in the morning. Holy Crap! Since I'd gone to bed at 7:00 it meant a ton of sleep for me. HEAVEN!!! I got her up to eat and then she slept another 2 hours. She snoozed this morning, but it was fitful. After most of this morning, she was starting to get tired and fussy and she hadn't napped yet. So, I wrapped her up and she is out cold again! She's completely still and asleep as I write this. I hate to jinx it, but this blanket has been a miracle already! Let's hope the trend continues. I'd heard about it before, but didn't really think much of it until Paige got into her fussy fits. Then, I saw THIS POST on Lyndsay's blog and was immediately sold! I rushed to the Miracle Blanket website and read all the testimonials and doctors' comments and decided to buy 2 of them right then and there. After a few torturous days of waiting, those blankets were my savior yesterday! Oh Miracle Blanket, you gave me a night of rest. You gave me time to myself today during her nap. You have a special place in my heart now! I can't recommend it enough and suggest that every new mother have at least one ready to go for when her baby fusses . It's like magic! You can get one here.
This video shows the blanket in action but it's not my movie. Sorry for the "sales" post. I swear I'm not getting paid for it. I just had to sing its praises while I'm in the throes of blissful wakefulness. I'll be back soon with some photo cuteness!
Little P. turned 3 weeks yesterday! Awww. :)
She celebrated by waking up Monday night at 1:30 am and didn't calm, settle, or go back to sleep that night. Nor did she nap all day yesterday. By the time my husband got home I mentioned that I was considering stabbing myself in the eye. Not really, but I said it. I'd tried everything to soothe her and she calmed, but just would NOT sleep and every time I put her down she would SCREAM herself to tears (she's now making tears and it's so sad...big fat ones...so that makes it even worse) and she could barely breathe. She's much too young to be allowed to "cry it out" so I'd pick her right back up and try something else. THANK SWEET BABY JESUS that my 2 Miracle Blankets arrived in the mail by the end of the day yesterday. I promptly washed them and last night, Chris swaddled her in one to get her ready for bed. He said she fussed for about 5 minutes and then zonked out. Well my friends, she slept from about 10:00 or so until 3:30 in the morning. Holy Crap! Since I'd gone to bed at 7:00 it meant a ton of sleep for me. HEAVEN!!! I got her up to eat and then she slept another 2 hours. She snoozed this morning, but it was fitful. After most of this morning, she was starting to get tired and fussy and she hadn't napped yet. So, I wrapped her up and she is out cold again! She's completely still and asleep as I write this. I hate to jinx it, but this blanket has been a miracle already! Let's hope the trend continues. I'd heard about it before, but didn't really think much of it until Paige got into her fussy fits. Then, I saw THIS POST on Lyndsay's blog and was immediately sold! I rushed to the Miracle Blanket website and read all the testimonials and doctors' comments and decided to buy 2 of them right then and there. After a few torturous days of waiting, those blankets were my savior yesterday! Oh Miracle Blanket, you gave me a night of rest. You gave me time to myself today during her nap. You have a special place in my heart now! I can't recommend it enough and suggest that every new mother have at least one ready to go for when her baby fusses . It's like magic! You can get one here.
This video shows the blanket in action but it's not my movie. Sorry for the "sales" post. I swear I'm not getting paid for it. I just had to sing its praises while I'm in the throes of blissful wakefulness. I'll be back soon with some photo cuteness!
Monday, May 18, 2009
Before and Now
Our first stroller walk! Chris, myself, Paige and Maren went for a little walk last weekend.
Hi friends!It's a dreary and chilly day here...a surprise amongst all the sunny warmer weather we'd been having! Paige and I have to take a walk to the post office today to make a pile of shipments and I hope it doesn't rain! I've been reflecting on my feelings about motherhood since Paige came to us and I've been thinking about the things I worried about before she arrived.
1. I worried that I would not feel bonded to her
This ended up being far from the truth. True, I didn't feel bonded that first or second day, but by the third and fourth days I felt a burning need to be near her as well as a wave of love every time I held her.
2. I worried that I would be a nervous mother constantly checking on her in her crib every 2 minutes to see if she's breathing
I surprised myself with this one! I feel confident she is safe in her crib and I sleep pretty well! If she's slept longer than expected sometimes I'll tiptoe into her room and peek in. But that's once in the night and not every night.
3. I worried I'd be depressed
I've suffered from depression on and off for years, so post-partum depression has been a concern. But so far, so good! I get weepy from the hormones, but only through feeling immense amounts of sentiment...not sadness.
4. I worried I'd feel a loss of my old life
Not yet. I might feel this later on, but for now I'm too busy to feel much! :) I CAN say that I feel very fulfilled and amazed. Although, at 2:30 am and she's fussing and screaming...I tend to miss my uninterrupted sleep in my previous life. But, it's such a short time it will be like this, especially in the scope of life. I try to focus on the positive and not the negative of the moment. After all, it's all about how you view these things that can make all the difference. Easier said than done, but there you go.
5. I worried she would be overly fussy
Well, she has normal newborn baby fussiness. We do a lot to combat it and it all seems to help. The best thing to do is to learn to roll with it and know it will end at some point. She doesn't seem to have "colic" though. I was scared to swaddle her with her arms in, since she seemed to like having her arms out. BUT since I started swaddling with her arms IN, she's been sleeping more soundly and in longer stretches. She also naps in the swaddle...and she wouldn't nap for me before. Don't get me wrong, she still spends much of the day awake, but at least now I can maybe get an hour where she will snooze. It's on the upswing!
So, it seems a lot of my fears can be put to rest. I'm taking each day one at a time and learning to live in each moment. It's such a better way to be! Even though time is going by fast, I'm appreciating each second all the more. It's such quality time now.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Nuts 'n Bolts
Photo shows Maren perched on a pillow RIGHT by the baby (she has to be right where the action is) as Paige has her "breakfast burrito."Sunday, May 10, 2009
Mother's Day and the Birth
Hi friends!
Well, today is Mother’s Day (My first Mother's Day!)so I thought it a fitting day to write Paige’s birth story. But, before I do, let me extend a Happy Mother’s Day to all the mom’s out there who selflessly give their time, heart and souls to their little ones (whether they are 2 or 22). I’d also like to say Happy Mother’s Day to all the Moms-to-Be who are giving their bodies and minds to their little ones in their tummies. And I’d like to say Happy Mother’s Day to all the Moms to One Day Be who are working so very hard in body, mind, and spirit as they try to conceive or adopt that little one. You are mothering an important dream and it is so much physical, emotional, and spiritual work to achieve it, however it may happen. You are a mother too! It’s a day to celebrate and remember the joy that having children brings or WILL bring. Much love to all. And a shout out to my own Mom who is the best. Thanks for staying with us last week to help us. You were a HUGE help and I couldn't have recovered even a little without you. I hope your Nana-hood has gotten off to a good start! You've been the best Mom for me, and I know you'll be an amazing Nana for Little P.
And now... the birth story, starting with the splash heard ‘round the world.
APRIL 28, 2009
When the clock read 4:00 am I realized a had to pee…but when I decided to finally go and DO it Chris had already beaten me to the punch by getting up before me. So, I sighed and rolled over a little. I got a bad menstrual-like cramp and I felt a tiny little pop sensation and a small gush of fluid came out. I thought “oh CRAP!” and literally dove off of the bed. I stood up and SPLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSHHHHHHH…my water broke. All over the freakin’ floor next to the bed. They always say it’s a “gush of fluid.” HA! I stood there for at LEAST over a minute with the “faucet” running on high. It continued to gush like that throughout the rest of the labor. Who knew there was THAT MUCH fluid!? I screamed several times for Chris…so he rushed in and brought me a towel. Anyway, I’ll fast-forward now through my shower, peanut-butter and jelly sandwich and the arrival to the hospital where we settled into the labor and delivery room (Room 2!…on an earlier post I’d mentioned it was my favorite and I didn’t even ask for it!). My contractions had started and they were starting to hurt, but they weren’t all that close together yet. I labored for a while until the doctor decided to augment the labor with Pitocin. Just to get things stronger and closer together. Well, holy hell…the contractions instantly hurt WAAAAAAAAAY more than before. And so commenced the movie version of labor where I screamed, yelled, and panted. I used my breathing techniques as much as I could, but soon it wasn’t enough and I simply lost control. I was wailing, crying, and begging for God to kill me. In other words, I was the picture of tranquility. They finally turned down the Pitocin to give me a little break and in came the anesthesiologist with my beloved epidural. Just in time! Let me tell you folks, it was heaven. I’d been worried thinking that it would hurt. Needle to the back, right? It seemed like it would be such a hellish experience. Well, I leaned forward gripping the nurse with the fear of God in me as I was sweating through more contractions and scared to death what the needle would feel like. Well, I’m so annoyed now since it was such a non-issue. If you’ve ever had Novicain in your gums during a dental procedure then you know the little pinch of the needle in your gums. It felt like that for me. I’m not saying it will feel like that for everyone. They told me it depends on your body type and fat content, etc. But, it was a little pinch. And then it was over. SO EASY. The edge came right off of the contractions as I lay back in the bed. Soon, the bed started to feel warm…like a heated massage bed. And the sheet on top of me felt heated as well. I felt like I was at a spa and felt SO relaxed. It didn’t change my mental state…just my physical body felt so much better. My body hadn’t felt so pain free in MONTHS. I was already dilated to five centimeters when I got the epidural, so things were progressing quickly. I was at 2 cm when I first got there (not bad from having been completely closed the day before!). To recap, we’d gotten to the hospital at about 6:00 am and my body was in heaven by 10:00 am. They then cranked up the Pitocin again and off we went! I was fully dilated to 10cm by 1:00pm or so. The nurses were shocked. They said the Pitocin was so low…it goes up to 60 or something and they’d only gotten up to 8 for my dosage. They had expected me to have a much longer labor. Off they went to gather all the materials needed for the actual birth so I just waited there on the bed joking around with Chris and the lovely student nurse named Kristen. I was her first labor! She was so sweet and we had fun laughing and sharing stories. It finally came time to push and I could sort of feel the contractions happening (there was a tightening sensation that didn’t hurt but cued me that I needed to push). I spent the next half-hour pushing as the nurses and Chris cheered me on. Again, this didn’t hurt. It was just exhausting because you hold your breath for so long with each push…and you do 3 full pushes with each contraction. The longer the push, the longer you hold your breath. Phew! Finally the head was starting to crown so they were screaming for the doctor…he was tending to 2 other labors at the exact same time. He came running in and they got him all dressed for the delivery. As he was dressing he looked down and said “Oh! This baby is going to FLY out!” So, with another strong push, I felt a small release and they yelled “the head is out!!! She’s got dark hair!”. He told me to give a tiny gentle push since her little fist was jammed into her neck. So I guess I delivered the head and a hand first. Once the hand was pulled free he coached me to give another gentle push and the rest of her body came out…it was so amazing and incredible. I’ll never forget the sensation. At my request, they put our beautiful Paige on my stomach and we all wiped her off with blankets and I remember looking up at Chris to see him in tears. I was crying along with the baby. I vaguely remember them clamping the umbilical cord and telling Chris where to cut as I was staring down at our daughter. What a set of lungs she had. So, they picked her up to put her in the warmer and check her vital signs while I watched from the bed. I saw her pink right up and I felt so relieved. Her first Apgar score was an 8 and her second score minutes later was a 9. Wow! She lived! She made it through all 10 months! She defied the odds of my crappy uterine shape, my folic acid issues, and her own umbilical cord abnormality. Nothing can explain how utterly relieved and ecstatic we felt. After all the worry about her possibly coming too early or needing a C-section we’d delivered her in a more traditional way and so close to her due date! A true miracle!! I cannot and never will be able to capture my gratitude for her. My doctor turned my attentions back to the task at hand…delivering the placenta.
WARNING: Graphic and disturbing content ahead:
I’d never given this part much thought. How hard could it be? You push some more and it slips right out with a tug of the cord. Well, I had a crappy cord. He said it was barely attached and if he gently tugged it, it would detach from the placenta and then we’d have some trouble. This was terrifying to hear. The cord was THAT bad? I pushed and pushed and pushed. Nothing was happening. The doctor then asked the nurses for a particular tool which, of course, the hospital didn’t have in stock at the moment. He then had to go on up there with his hands to try and manually take the placenta out himself. Thank God for that epidural because it took an HOUR. He feverishly wrestled and wrangled with my uterus to try and get the damned thing out. I could see his hand up under my rib cage. Disturbing to say the LEAST. It was like watching a horror movie. My T-shaped uterus housed the baby in one horn and the placenta in the other. It was tucked WAY in the end of the horn. He just couldn’t reach it and had a hard time getting a good hold of it. It was also coming apart in pieces so he kept having to fish around to get everything out bit-by-bit. It was a NIGHTMARE. The poor doctor looked so terrified. He was professional and together, but had those eyes of panic. He had to stop to take a break and explained that the placenta just wasn’t letting go. He said he was confident he would get it and that because my bleeding wasn’t at a dangerous point yet he was feeling good about things. He told me it would take time and I said “just do what you need to do since I can’t feel anything right now, I know you can do it.” Next thing I know, there are 5 nurses in the room running around and gathering equipment, etc. Some were pushing on my stomach while others reassured me. There was blood everywhere on the floors and I was exhausted. I could barely think straight. Finally, after an hour, he yells “I’ve got it!” and he pulled it out with all the nurses looking on with relief. He showed it to me later and pointed out how it was all calcified and sketchy. He mentioned how amazed he was that the baby got as big and healthy as she did with that crappy placenta and cord. He later told me he feared I might have had to lose my uterus. How scary is that?? Another miracle!!! He reassured me that this was NOT a normal experience and rare. He told me that it was just an isolated incident and not likely to happen to me again in a future pregnancy/childbirth and he felt bad that this happened. He told me he didn’t want it to ruin my experience. Of course, nothing could ruin the experience! I was still on cloud nine. I’d never much thought about the placenta delivery, so it was quite a surprise that the delivery of the baby went so great only to have the last part go foul. Fast forward: I got to hold the baby several hours later when the feeling in my arms returned (I'd worked them to exhaustion holding my legs during the labor) and I got to feed her. What a real thrill. Her first feeding! And she downed the bottle like a champ. The recovery after that has been hard. My tailbone is broken or dislocated (they didn’t bother to X-ray since there’s nothing they can do anyway). So, I have to sit on a doughnut and nurse my butt for the next several months until it heals. It’s so excruciating to bend over or pick up the baby from low positions. My pelvis is still a little separated and sore as well…making it hard to walk. Everything else is healing just fine and I feel a bit better each day…and I can’t complain when I have that beautiful little baby face to peer up at me. My heart now lives in her.
So, that’s the story of the birth and how it went! There are a lot of emotions I’ve been experiencing…lots of thoughts and feelings rolling around in my head that I’ll put in my next posts, but I at least wanted to share how it all went down first! Our miracle is here and our new life has begun! Welcome to Paige Rosalie Carty! You are in for a wonderful and wild ride that is life. Your Mommy and Daddy are here to help make it great!
(editor's note/update: I've been questioned as to how I broke my tailbone...I have no idea. It was during the birth OR during the crazy aftermath with the placenta. The doctor says it happens sometimes. They don't mention that in the damned pregnancy books, do they?? It took about 5 or 6 months to fully feel ok again. *sigh*)
Well, today is Mother’s Day (My first Mother's Day!)so I thought it a fitting day to write Paige’s birth story. But, before I do, let me extend a Happy Mother’s Day to all the mom’s out there who selflessly give their time, heart and souls to their little ones (whether they are 2 or 22). I’d also like to say Happy Mother’s Day to all the Moms-to-Be who are giving their bodies and minds to their little ones in their tummies. And I’d like to say Happy Mother’s Day to all the Moms to One Day Be who are working so very hard in body, mind, and spirit as they try to conceive or adopt that little one. You are mothering an important dream and it is so much physical, emotional, and spiritual work to achieve it, however it may happen. You are a mother too! It’s a day to celebrate and remember the joy that having children brings or WILL bring. Much love to all. And a shout out to my own Mom who is the best. Thanks for staying with us last week to help us. You were a HUGE help and I couldn't have recovered even a little without you. I hope your Nana-hood has gotten off to a good start! You've been the best Mom for me, and I know you'll be an amazing Nana for Little P.
And now... the birth story, starting with the splash heard ‘round the world.
APRIL 28, 2009
When the clock read 4:00 am I realized a had to pee…but when I decided to finally go and DO it Chris had already beaten me to the punch by getting up before me. So, I sighed and rolled over a little. I got a bad menstrual-like cramp and I felt a tiny little pop sensation and a small gush of fluid came out. I thought “oh CRAP!” and literally dove off of the bed. I stood up and SPLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSHHHHHHH…my water broke. All over the freakin’ floor next to the bed. They always say it’s a “gush of fluid.” HA! I stood there for at LEAST over a minute with the “faucet” running on high. It continued to gush like that throughout the rest of the labor. Who knew there was THAT MUCH fluid!? I screamed several times for Chris…so he rushed in and brought me a towel. Anyway, I’ll fast-forward now through my shower, peanut-butter and jelly sandwich and the arrival to the hospital where we settled into the labor and delivery room (Room 2!…on an earlier post I’d mentioned it was my favorite and I didn’t even ask for it!). My contractions had started and they were starting to hurt, but they weren’t all that close together yet. I labored for a while until the doctor decided to augment the labor with Pitocin. Just to get things stronger and closer together. Well, holy hell…the contractions instantly hurt WAAAAAAAAAY more than before. And so commenced the movie version of labor where I screamed, yelled, and panted. I used my breathing techniques as much as I could, but soon it wasn’t enough and I simply lost control. I was wailing, crying, and begging for God to kill me. In other words, I was the picture of tranquility. They finally turned down the Pitocin to give me a little break and in came the anesthesiologist with my beloved epidural. Just in time! Let me tell you folks, it was heaven. I’d been worried thinking that it would hurt. Needle to the back, right? It seemed like it would be such a hellish experience. Well, I leaned forward gripping the nurse with the fear of God in me as I was sweating through more contractions and scared to death what the needle would feel like. Well, I’m so annoyed now since it was such a non-issue. If you’ve ever had Novicain in your gums during a dental procedure then you know the little pinch of the needle in your gums. It felt like that for me. I’m not saying it will feel like that for everyone. They told me it depends on your body type and fat content, etc. But, it was a little pinch. And then it was over. SO EASY. The edge came right off of the contractions as I lay back in the bed. Soon, the bed started to feel warm…like a heated massage bed. And the sheet on top of me felt heated as well. I felt like I was at a spa and felt SO relaxed. It didn’t change my mental state…just my physical body felt so much better. My body hadn’t felt so pain free in MONTHS. I was already dilated to five centimeters when I got the epidural, so things were progressing quickly. I was at 2 cm when I first got there (not bad from having been completely closed the day before!). To recap, we’d gotten to the hospital at about 6:00 am and my body was in heaven by 10:00 am. They then cranked up the Pitocin again and off we went! I was fully dilated to 10cm by 1:00pm or so. The nurses were shocked. They said the Pitocin was so low…it goes up to 60 or something and they’d only gotten up to 8 for my dosage. They had expected me to have a much longer labor. Off they went to gather all the materials needed for the actual birth so I just waited there on the bed joking around with Chris and the lovely student nurse named Kristen. I was her first labor! She was so sweet and we had fun laughing and sharing stories. It finally came time to push and I could sort of feel the contractions happening (there was a tightening sensation that didn’t hurt but cued me that I needed to push). I spent the next half-hour pushing as the nurses and Chris cheered me on. Again, this didn’t hurt. It was just exhausting because you hold your breath for so long with each push…and you do 3 full pushes with each contraction. The longer the push, the longer you hold your breath. Phew! Finally the head was starting to crown so they were screaming for the doctor…he was tending to 2 other labors at the exact same time. He came running in and they got him all dressed for the delivery. As he was dressing he looked down and said “Oh! This baby is going to FLY out!” So, with another strong push, I felt a small release and they yelled “the head is out!!! She’s got dark hair!”. He told me to give a tiny gentle push since her little fist was jammed into her neck. So I guess I delivered the head and a hand first. Once the hand was pulled free he coached me to give another gentle push and the rest of her body came out…it was so amazing and incredible. I’ll never forget the sensation. At my request, they put our beautiful Paige on my stomach and we all wiped her off with blankets and I remember looking up at Chris to see him in tears. I was crying along with the baby. I vaguely remember them clamping the umbilical cord and telling Chris where to cut as I was staring down at our daughter. What a set of lungs she had. So, they picked her up to put her in the warmer and check her vital signs while I watched from the bed. I saw her pink right up and I felt so relieved. Her first Apgar score was an 8 and her second score minutes later was a 9. Wow! She lived! She made it through all 10 months! She defied the odds of my crappy uterine shape, my folic acid issues, and her own umbilical cord abnormality. Nothing can explain how utterly relieved and ecstatic we felt. After all the worry about her possibly coming too early or needing a C-section we’d delivered her in a more traditional way and so close to her due date! A true miracle!! I cannot and never will be able to capture my gratitude for her. My doctor turned my attentions back to the task at hand…delivering the placenta.
WARNING: Graphic and disturbing content ahead:
I’d never given this part much thought. How hard could it be? You push some more and it slips right out with a tug of the cord. Well, I had a crappy cord. He said it was barely attached and if he gently tugged it, it would detach from the placenta and then we’d have some trouble. This was terrifying to hear. The cord was THAT bad? I pushed and pushed and pushed. Nothing was happening. The doctor then asked the nurses for a particular tool which, of course, the hospital didn’t have in stock at the moment. He then had to go on up there with his hands to try and manually take the placenta out himself. Thank God for that epidural because it took an HOUR. He feverishly wrestled and wrangled with my uterus to try and get the damned thing out. I could see his hand up under my rib cage. Disturbing to say the LEAST. It was like watching a horror movie. My T-shaped uterus housed the baby in one horn and the placenta in the other. It was tucked WAY in the end of the horn. He just couldn’t reach it and had a hard time getting a good hold of it. It was also coming apart in pieces so he kept having to fish around to get everything out bit-by-bit. It was a NIGHTMARE. The poor doctor looked so terrified. He was professional and together, but had those eyes of panic. He had to stop to take a break and explained that the placenta just wasn’t letting go. He said he was confident he would get it and that because my bleeding wasn’t at a dangerous point yet he was feeling good about things. He told me it would take time and I said “just do what you need to do since I can’t feel anything right now, I know you can do it.” Next thing I know, there are 5 nurses in the room running around and gathering equipment, etc. Some were pushing on my stomach while others reassured me. There was blood everywhere on the floors and I was exhausted. I could barely think straight. Finally, after an hour, he yells “I’ve got it!” and he pulled it out with all the nurses looking on with relief. He showed it to me later and pointed out how it was all calcified and sketchy. He mentioned how amazed he was that the baby got as big and healthy as she did with that crappy placenta and cord. He later told me he feared I might have had to lose my uterus. How scary is that?? Another miracle!!! He reassured me that this was NOT a normal experience and rare. He told me that it was just an isolated incident and not likely to happen to me again in a future pregnancy/childbirth and he felt bad that this happened. He told me he didn’t want it to ruin my experience. Of course, nothing could ruin the experience! I was still on cloud nine. I’d never much thought about the placenta delivery, so it was quite a surprise that the delivery of the baby went so great only to have the last part go foul. Fast forward: I got to hold the baby several hours later when the feeling in my arms returned (I'd worked them to exhaustion holding my legs during the labor) and I got to feed her. What a real thrill. Her first feeding! And she downed the bottle like a champ. The recovery after that has been hard. My tailbone is broken or dislocated (they didn’t bother to X-ray since there’s nothing they can do anyway). So, I have to sit on a doughnut and nurse my butt for the next several months until it heals. It’s so excruciating to bend over or pick up the baby from low positions. My pelvis is still a little separated and sore as well…making it hard to walk. Everything else is healing just fine and I feel a bit better each day…and I can’t complain when I have that beautiful little baby face to peer up at me. My heart now lives in her.
So, that’s the story of the birth and how it went! There are a lot of emotions I’ve been experiencing…lots of thoughts and feelings rolling around in my head that I’ll put in my next posts, but I at least wanted to share how it all went down first! Our miracle is here and our new life has begun! Welcome to Paige Rosalie Carty! You are in for a wonderful and wild ride that is life. Your Mommy and Daddy are here to help make it great!
(editor's note/update: I've been questioned as to how I broke my tailbone...I have no idea. It was during the birth OR during the crazy aftermath with the placenta. The doctor says it happens sometimes. They don't mention that in the damned pregnancy books, do they?? It took about 5 or 6 months to fully feel ok again. *sigh*)
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